


A Legacy I Leave for You

by Megane



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Asphyxiation, Backstory, Canon Related, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Decapitation, Depictions of Death, F/M, Fake Names/Aliases, Family Feels, First Dates, First Kiss, First Meetings, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Sexual Content, Major Original Character(s), Male Friendship, Meeting the Parents, Not Graphic but Detailed to Some Extent, Original Character Death(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Refugees, Strangers to Lovers to Family, Time Skips, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-08 05:16:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 60,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15923630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megane/pseuds/Megane
Summary: Clarus would always be an Amicitia. The duty his family kept was an honour to him, but at one point, he was more than a Shield. He was more than just a name that was duty bound. He was a love interest, a boyfriend, husband— and a happy one at that.This is a tale of the woman he loved and the impact she had.





	1. Our First Meeting

By the _gods_ , Insomnia was a beautiful place. Lucis all over was an amazing country, but there was something about being just on the city lines, breathing in dust and humid air, that really made her appreciate things. She pulled her truck off the road towards the open expanse of dead grass before killing the engine. She hopped out and took in a deep breath. She loved it here. She really did. She wondered if she could convince her family to stay.

She always thought this every time she had come out of the capital. The idea intrigued her more than anything, and she really, honestly did like it here. She liked Lucis more than a lot of other places, even if it was a big bull’s eye for a lot of political bullshit going on over her head. She sighed deeply and crossed her arms over her stomach. Even still, they could sustain a life here. Maybe she could schmooze enough to convince her family to let her stay alone. She’d just have to find a place…

Her eyes were focused on her dirtied boots. It was so easy to get lost in her thoughts, especially when it was the same problem playing on repeat in her mind like clockwork. But, the ground shook underneath her, and the sound of rending earth made her jerk her head up.

A dust cloud appeared about fifty yards away from where she was now. Someone appeared through the smoke with an impressive battlecry. He was swinging a greatsword with enviable ease. His grunts of effort were loud but not distracting. She watched him for a while, and it was like watching a solo exhibition match. It was amazing.

She knew this guy. Well, not _knew_ him, but she had seen him almost every single time she passed out of Insomnia. He was so dedicated in his training, and she always found him admirable. But what was a guy like him doing all the way out in the middle of bum-fuck-nowhere? Shouldn’t he be enlisted in the militia? Or at least be working with the crown? He looked strong, seemed capable, but who was she to judge?

They actually never saw each other face to face. She would sometimes sit and watch him  just like she was doing now. He would finish, wipe his brow, and catch sight of her. Then, she would wave him off before heading back into her truck. Over and over, like clockwork. Like the nagging thought in her mind that she should stay in Insomnia or at least close by.

She licked her lips. She hated pointless repetition. It was annoying, made her feel like she was stuck in a rut. Impatiently, she drummed her fingers over her left forearms, and a new thought crept to the forefront of her mind.

_Do something about it._

Damn right she would.

She didn’t have to wait long for the guy to finish his round. Even from where she was standing, she could tell he was tired. He stabbed his sword into the ground and staggered backwards a step. She could make out — or guess — that his arm was coming up to his forehead. It was then that she brought her hands up to cup her mouth.

     “Hey!” She shouted. “What’re you doing here?!”

That seemed to startle him some. He flicked his head over to her, and she waved with both hands above her head. He looked around before looking back at her.

     “Shouldn’t ya be at that capital, guy!”

She grinned now. Maybe she’d run him off after this; maybe she had ruined whatever familiarity they had between them. Ah, screw it. This broke up the monotony some, and if he stopped coming here because she decided to _talk to him_ , then so be it.

To her humour and delight, the guy didn’t back away. Instead, he hoisted up his sword and made his way over to her. Boy… It was a walk. She sat in silence for several minutes, watching him advance, and for some reason, it was funny to her. The long stretch of silence should have been uncomfortable, but she was anticipating it. As he came closer, she could see that he was a fairly handsome guy. He had thick brown hair, a solid build, and his expression looked stern as all hell. When he was close enough, she could see that he was drenched with sweat.

     She pointed her thumb to her truck. “I’ve got a cooler full of water if you need it.”

     He stared at her, sizing her up before giving a curt nod. “Thanks.”

     “Of course,” she dragged out, her voice wavering and naturally scratchy.

She rolled off to the left and headed back towards the driver’s cabin. As she flicked open the door, she could hear the crunch of the earth and the slide of rock against metal. The mysterious man let out a sigh behind her.

“Tired?” She probed as she leaned over the driver’s seat. The cooler was buckled into the passenger’s seat, and as she flipped the lid open, she heard the man grumble an agreement behind her. Strong and silent type, huh? She wasn’t phased. Her mom was the same. She grabbed two bottles of water before sliding out of the cabin. She turned around, easily tossing the man a bottle. He caught it with both hands but then curiously gave it a shake. She didn’t stop him. He stared at the water, turning it over and scrutinising the lid. It took him all of a few seconds, but soon, he seemed satisfied enough to actually crack it open.

She did the same thing, and they took a synchronised drink. He sighed again, this time in satisfaction, and screwed on the lid.

     “Thanks,” he said again, this time pressing the bottle against his neck.

Damn, he had a body on him. She nodded with a mouth full of water and screwed back on the top. Without looking, she set it on the edge of the truck behind her and crossed her arms again. After swallowing, she asked,

     “What’re you doing out here?”

     “Hm…?”

     “Soldier boys belong in the capital, don’t they?” She teased.

     “And what makes you think I’m a soldier?”

     She laughed, adjusting herself against the truck. “C’mon, man. How many people can boast a sword like that?”

She motioned her hand to his broadsword. The weapon was unique; it was beautifully ornate, and she so _very_ dearly wanted to touch it, but she knew that would be a line. He looked down to his sword and then looked to the corner of his eyes towards her. Without saying anything, he took another drink.

     “I see you here a lot too,” he said casually, pointedly not answering her question or accusation. (Accusation was too harsh of a word, but there was _no way_ she wasn’t 100% right.) “What’re you doing out here?”

     “I’m a free agent trader,” she said. She was proud of it. She liked her family’s business, and she was damn good at it too. She nudged her elbow against the bed of her truck.

He looked at her now, this time really looking at her. She felt like he was sizing her up. With a smirk, she crossed her arms over her stomach and then flexed her arms. She saw him react with a minute facial reaction, but it was enough to make her chest swell with pride. She relaxed, taking on a more casual air. His eyes met hers this time.

     “So, you’re not from the city?”

     “Not from the country, ‘m sad to say.” She sighed breezily and gave him an up and down look of her own. “Don’t got any of you where I’m from.”

     “And where’s that?”

     “Who’s asking?”

And this was it, the defining moment for wherever this would go. He chewed on a reply for a while. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that the sword began to disappear. She raised her brows. Holy shit; that was kinda cool. _Neat trick,_ she thought to say, but she didn’t want to push him any further. She’d save the teasing for later because gods knew she was chockfull of wit.

     He stood straighter. “Tye.”

     Surname? She wasn’t sure, but it seemed like a fair bet with someone like him. She took a gamble. “Don’t know it.” She upnodded to him. “So, let’s try a first name instead.”

He stared at her, and his eyes were so damn intense. She wondered if she’d ever see a smile on that face. He twisted his water bottle around with one hand. It was a second before he replied,

     “Mathias.”

     She smirked. Sharp as a tack, she was, but there was something in the way he pronounced the name that made her curious. “Kasimira.” She pushed off the truck and walked up to meet him. “Kasimira Nerthuz.”

Here was the second test, though it wasn’t really much of a test. She placed her hand out for him to take, and Mathias never broke eye contact with her. Their hands slipped against each other. Her palms were rough, but his were rougher. His fingers were loose against hers, but before she could playfully voice her disappointment, his grip became firm. She matched him one for one, and they held each other in an even handshake.

     They stayed like that for a moment, but she nodded her head when they drew away. “I like that. Heading back into town?”

     He looked at her truck. “Aren’t you heading the other way?”

     “Meh.” She swiped a hand in the air dismissively. “It’s no trouble.”

     “Then, I suppose it’s fine.”

     “You suppose.” Kasimira laughed and turned towards her truck. “You’ll have to hop in the back though. The cooler’s already called shotgun.”

He let out a huff. A laugh? Dissent? Eh, she went for the first one. That seemed nicer. She snagged her water bottle off the edge before climbing up into the driver’s seat. She left the door open and kept her leg dangled out as she waited for Mathias. Kasimira watched him in the rear view mirror as she took a sip of her water. When he was settled, he deftly patted the side of the truck. She gave him a thumbs up before shutting the driver side door.

This wasn’t the first time she had picked up a stranger and given them a lift somewhere. Hauling people to and fro was almost as second nature as taking home cargo, but in this case, she found someone who really caught her interest. Maybe she’d actually rope him into a conversation next time.

     She opened the square back window and looked over her shoulder. “Where to?”

     “I’ll let you know,” he said.

Secretive. Fine enough with her.

She snapped the window shut and ignited the engine. Driving to Insomnia again put the sun at her back, and the late afternoon light caught her rear view mirror. She squinted against it and rested her elbow in her open window. All through the drive back, she kept glancing up to check on her passenger. One, to make sure he was still there, but two, just to keep an eye on him. At one point, she glanced up and saw him looking at her as well. She smiled and laughed to herself before focusing back on the road.

Traffic built up the closer they got to the capital. She saw movement in her peripheral and looked up into the mirror. She saw Mathias walking closer towards her, though there wasn’t much room for him with all the inventory. She snapped open the back window.

     “Head onto the toll road and take the first exit.”

     “You got toll money?” She raised a brow.

     He chuckled. “It’ll be fine.”

     “If you say so.”

He stayed where he was, choosing instead to stand up straight and look around. Kasimira didn’t warn him. If he went flying, then he knew better, right? She was never the type to hold hands. Edging through traffic was a puzzle and a pain, but when she managed to turn off the main road, she made her way towards the five line toll road instead. She kept to the far right. A sign warned that there was an exit a mile ahead and a toll booth just beyond that. As Mathias had instructed, she turned off the first exit. There wasn’t much beyond this point, just trees and another road, but he had her pull off to the side.

     “My stop’s here,” he said as he walked towards the edge.

     “What is with you and the middle of nowhere?” She laughed.

He huffed and jumped from the truck. To her surprise, he walked up to her window. “When you live in the city, sometimes you just gotta be surrounded by nothing every once in a while.”

     “How very zen, Mathias.” She put an inflection on his name, quietly testing his theory.

     He seemed to notice and even appreciate it. He smirked and patted the hood of her car. “Bis nachher, Kasimira.”

     “Later,” she replied with a grin.

So, he wasn’t a native either? Or maybe he just picked it up. Well, either way, he was a citizen and good enough to join their armed forces, she bet. She was making a lot of assumptions, but she was usually pretty good at guesswork.

She watched him round the car and began walking towards the right. A part of her wanted to call out and offer him to ride down a bit further, but she assumed that he wanted to be alone for a reason. She _was_ a stranger after all. With a hum, she pulled to the left and rounded back onto the toll road. It didn’t take her to get back to and out of the city. As she did, the afternoon sun greeted her. She pulled down her sun visor with a small smile on her face.

     As she passed the open grassland again, she gave it an appreciative nod. “See you soon, soldier boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to let you know that I already have four chapters of this already written, and I'll be releasing them slowly over time. No worries, I won't leave you hanging on this one.


	2. Our Evening Secrets

Of course, she saw him again. She didn’t think that there would be any change about that. Over and over again, she saw him at the same spot training as always. There were days when she couldn’t stop when she had urgent deliveries that had to be made, but she always made sure to honk and wave when passing just to let him know she swung by.

It was comfortable; it was nice. It was still blending in and becoming part of the monotony, but somehow, this all still felt like a nice change of pace. It was just… nice to see him.

One day, as she was headed down the beaten road, the contents in the back of her truck gave a nasty lurch and fell over. “Fuck!” she yelled, slamming the palm of her hand against the window. “I told that bastard it wouldn’t hold. Now, I’ve to get out and—” She grumbled and griped as she unbuckled her seatbelt and forced her away out of the truck. She didn’t bother going all the way around. She hopped onto the left tire and pushed herself up over the side. Things weren’t a _mess_ , but cargo was absolutely lying where it shouldn’t.

She swore again, this time much more venomously, and bent down to rearrange everything. This was going to take a while. She could tell as soon as she lifted one of the boxes. The weight was off. It had been packed improperly. “Lazy fuck,” she said, moving over to open the door to the bed of the truck.

Damn. She needed to call her dad and let him know what was up. She patted herself down before she remembered her phone was charging in the front. She hopped down and went into the cabin. She yanked her phone out of the cup holder and stared pointedly at the charger in the cigarette lighter. Maybe she’d burn the guy a couple of times to teach him a lesson.

     “No, Kasimira,” she chastised herself out loud as she pulled up her father’s phone number. “That would be _illegal.”_

But oh, it would feel good.

Dafydd picked up the phone through the first ring, and she had to tell him what was going on. They exchanged heated words and disbelief. Kasimira paced beside her truck, at times even climbing onto the wheel to stare down at it.

     “We’re going to lose so much time,” Dafydd grumbled.

     She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. “I know, Dad.”

     “I’m not blaming you, Kasi. Well, just do the best you can.”

     “I’ll be there before you know it.”

     “And send me a picture!”

     She chuckled and nodded her head. “Oh, you bet I will. I need someone to shit talk with.”

     After a parting goodbye, she snapped her phone closed and underhand tossed it into the front seat. “This is bullshit,” she mumbled, but grumbling wouldn’t get the work done, and she needed to be fast.

     “Having trouble?”

The voice hit her like a wall. She wasn’t sure how long she had been out here, but she was sure that enough time had passed. Mathias was staring at her curiously, sweat dripping down his forehead. Hell, she was sweaty too with all this lugging boxes around. And she was only halfway done.

She flicked her gaze over her shoulder towards the sun. It was getting late. She had to be a couple of hours behind. Dammit.

     “Yeah,” she said in a breath. “And I can’t believe I’m asking you this, but I might need some help.”

     He looked ready. He placed his hands on either side of the truck door and leaned in. “What can I do?”

     “Anything. Wait! C’mere then.”

He hopped up onto the bed, and she began instructing him on where to move and what boxes to put up.With a second set of hands, she was able to repack and arrange most of the cargo. All of the other stuff could wait. She jumped over the side and ducked into the truck. She heard he bed door slam closed.

     “Thanks,” she panted when he came even with her door. “I owe ya.”

     “Sure you don’t need any help further down the road?”

     “I think I got it.” She reached down to the floor and scrambled for a hairband. She used it to shove her hair out of her face. “But thanks. Again.”

     “You’re welcome.”

She sat up and turned on the engine. When their eyes met, he was watching her curiously. She wondered if she saw anything “interesting” in the back. She didn’t have time to question it.

     “I’ll be seeing you.” After a pause, she added, “And don’t go saying anything.”

     “I won’t.”

She wondered how much she could trust that, but she just took his word on it for now. He backed away, and she pulled out of the space, racing back towards a smaller town.

 

The next time she went out to Insomnia, she had a free day. She only had to push cargo one way, and _wow!_ It felt good to take a breather. She parked her truck haphazardly in the grass and laid out on the truck bed with a cover spread out underneath her. It was nice to just bask in the sunlight, completely oblivious to everything. The cooler was tucked in a corner near the left side of her head, and she held a can of beer lazily on her stomach.

Such a nice day…

After awhile, she heard it: the telltale sign of Mathias training, and it pulled her out of her semi-sleep. With a groan, she sat up and leaned over one side of her truck to watch him. Him and that sword. They were made for each other, weren’t they? He swung it like a champion, and a part of her wondered how strong he actually was.

 _Well, wonder no longer,_ she thought to herself. She chugged what little remained in her can before leaving it by her hip. She climbed up to her feet and hopped to the ground. Kasimira took in a deep breath before walking over towards him. She watched as he moved almost in slow motion. He arched the sword over his head and then slammed it down into the ground. It was enough to make her steps falter, but she played it off and kept approaching him coolly.

But because she didn’t want to get sliced in the face, she whistled sharply to announce herself. He did a double take looking over to her, and she approached with her hands in her pockets. She gave him a lazy grin. Her eyes flicked over towards the sword, and she pulled out a hand to vaguely gesture with it.

     “There’s no way that’s that heavy,” she remarked.

     “You think so?”

     “I think you got some magick in ya, making it seem more powerful.”

     Mathias huffed a laugh. “You think so?”

     “Oh, I’m thinking so.”

     He looked to the sword and then to her. “Alright. Come try it.”

     “Gladly.”

She tried not to race towards him. Instead, she walked just a bit faster in his direction. He kept the tip of the sword against the ground but angled the grip towards her. Kasimira grabbed it with both hands, and as soon as Mathias’ hand was away from it, all of the weight sank into her arms. She locked up all over. It was fucking heavy like a medium sized crate, but she could handle it well.

Unfortunately, just because she could hold it like this didn’t mean that she could actually wield it. She sucked in a breath and concentrated her strength into holding the weapon upright. Mathias watched her closely. He was within easy range to stop her but was also just far enough to step out of the way of danger.

Holding the sword like this was making her flex in areas she never thought it would. She widened her stance just to move her center of gravity, and suddenly holding it became notably easier. She laughed, impressed with herself, before looking over towards Mathias.

     “Look at me. I’m a pro already.”

     “I wouldn’t say that.” He moved towards her and began correcting her stance. “Move your arms like this. If you keep standing like that, it’ll be bad for your back.”

     “What do I do with my shoulders?”

     “Roll them back and focus. You’ll need to relax. No, keep your arms bent.”

She let out a steady breath as she held the pose he put her in. Mathias stared at her for a moment before coming around her back, adjusting her arms with little taps against her elbow. His body was so incredibly warm against her back. She kept her gaze forward though. She was holding a massive weapon.

After a time though, it became too much, and she dropped the sword before there was any real progress. She guided the edge into the ground before leaning herself against it.

     “Shit. It’s hard work.”

     “What, you thought it’d be easy?”

He was teasing her. She laughed breathlessly. It took her a moment before she stood upright.

     “Not at all, but I was hoping I’d be impressive enough for you to show me your tricks.”

     He huffed a laugh, a sharp exhale through his nose. “No tricks. Just training.”

     “You are a good little soldier boy after all.”

He hummed, and it was like a deep rumble in his chest. He extended out his hand, and the sword vanished again. Kasimira pushed herself away before she fell flat on her face. She rubbed her hands against her hips.

     “Thanks for the warning.”

     He smirked at her. “Got anything to drink?”

     “Whoa, aren’t you comfortable? Heh, yeah. Follow me.”

She turned, but in a few strides, he came easily to her side. She glanced up at him, and it felt like he belonged there. When they were close enough, she climbed up into the back the same way she had left it.

     “No deliveries today?” Mathias crossed his arms over the side.

     “Not today. Well, I had a one way, and that was about it.” She went to open the cooler and dramatically whispered, “Glorious~”

Mathias chuckled behind her, and she grabbed a couple of drinks. A sports drink for him and another beer for herself. He eyed the sports bottle when she handed it over. She questioned him with merely a look on her face.

     “Nothing.” He wiggled the bottle. “Thanks for the offer.”

     “Well, it’s no problem, friend.” She flashed him a devilish smile before patting the truck bed. “C’mon up. Take a load off.” She paused. “You don’t have somewhere to be, do you?”

It was then that he perked up and searched his pockets. Even though he never brought it up into full view, she was sure that he was checking his phone. He stared at it for a while, probably checking messages, maybe sending a few off. She popped the tab while she waited.

     “I’ve got time,” he said finally.

     “Alright then.” She patted the truck bed again.

He joined her by opening the door. He sat on the edge, and that was fine with her. They enjoyed each other’s company for a while, making it halfway through drinking before one of them broke the silence. It was fairly innocuous talk, but once he asked how everything went yesterday, she let out a sudden groan.

     “Oh! Don’t get me started.”

She got started anyway.

He listened as she ranted about how she told her client not to stack boxes a certain way, but it didn’t even matter because everything was packed improperly as it was. As she went on, she grabbed a beer for him but didn’t take anything for himself. He turned more towards her and listened. He had one leg drawn up and was now leaning back against the side of the truck. His eyes were half-hooded, and he looked in a dream like state just watching her.

     After a while, her rant came to a sudden end, and she placed her hands over her face. “God! I’m sorry. You didn’t come here to hear me ranting.”

     “Nah, it’s fine. It’s nice to hear people go on about simple things.”

     Kasimira dragged herself up into a slumping sitting position. “It’s more than simple, I can assure you.” She sighed heavily and embraced the momentary silence that came between them.

     “Kasimira, can I ask you something?”

     “Yeah, but only if you call me Kas.”

     “Kas…” He said it so thoughtfully. It was just a name; there was nothing to consider, but she just like the way it sounded on his tongue.

     She nodded approvingly. “Alright, now ask.”

     “Are you… a smuggler or something?”

     Her guard went up, but she played it off with a smile. She stared him up and down, wondering if this soldier boy was about to crack down on her. “You know I won’t help you climb the ranks now?”

Instead of responding to her barb, he sank further back against the truck. He stared at his can of beer like it was the most interesting thing in the world. He shook his head slowly.

     “I’ll climb them soon enough,” he muttered to himself. There was something in his voice—resignation? tired acceptance?—but it was gone when he spoke again. “No, I was just wondering.”

     “Just wondering, huh?”

     “Well, I did help you yesterday, and if I get caught with a smuggler, that’s really kind of it.” He shrugged up his shoulders. “I might as well know what I’m getting into before things get snagged from under me.”

     She laughed. “You’re something else.” She bit the inside of her cheek, teasing the idea to make something out of this. Ah, but she didn’t want to run him away. She adjusted herself so that was she was parallel with him on the other side of the truck. “But no. I’m no smuggler. Like I said, we’re tradesmen, my family. We just buy goods and sell them where they might be more needed.” She reached up and rubbed at her right ear. She stared down at her knees. “But… it’s not really _what_ we sell and more of the who we sell it too. In the right eyes, what we do could be seen the same as smuggling.

     “We help refugees. Get the right people organised and help them build a trade route to get things going. It’s something, you know. Keeps us in one place for a time.”

     “And how do you know where to go?”

     “The news.” She fanned out her right hand in the air. “Word of mouth. We’ll always have somewhere to go. We can never stay settled for long.”

     “Hm.”

He chewed on it. She looked over to him, and he stared up at the sky. After a time, she did the same thing. The sun was setting, and nighttime was dominating.

     “We’ve been out here for a long time,” she said with a small smile.

He laughed, that short but deep sound she was starting to enjoy, but there was no other response. He was still thinking, and she could only wonder what he was thinking about. She reached out to pat his leg with the back of her hand.

     “And what about you? I feel like you shouldn’t be out here unless you’re really a renegade I’m helping out.”

     His reserved smile transformed into a tilted grin. He tilted his head and looked at her. “Oh, so you’re helping me now?”

     “I drove you around that one time, and I’m totally keeping a secret where you train and stuff.”

     “Oh, sure.” They shared a laugh.

     “Well, I may have told my mom. And my dad. And the entire countryside.”

     “Ah. I guess they’re on my list.”

     Kasimira snorted a laugh, taking his lazy threat with ease. “Nah, but I did tell my family.”

     “What’d you tell them?”

 _‘How there’s a hot guy always training on the side of the road,’_ she thought. Instead, she went for, “How there’s a weird guy swinging his sword around on the side of the road.”

     Mathias rolled his eyes. “Jeez.”

     “You’re all _graaah_ and _huuah_ , you know, and there’s never anyone there.” She crossed her arms tight under her chest and pouted at him, putting on a comical face. “Seems pretty straaaaange.”

     He chuckled. “Well, when you say it that way.”

     “It’s the _only_ way to say it, Mathias.”

Silence came back, and so had his thoughtfulness from before. Did he always think so much that other people could feel it? Mathias tipped his head back and finished his drink. Then with a bored sigh, he crushed his can in his hand. Kasimira snorted.

     “Show off.”

She liked seeing him smile, even a little bit.

     “Is it true, then? What you said about your trade?”

     She nodded her head, looking a little serious. “Can’t see a reason to lie about that.” She narrowed her eyes at him slightly. “Unless I should’ve.”

     “No. No. I’ve nothing ill to say. I just wanted you to know that you’re doing a great thing. Sometimes, the change doesn’t always come from the top.”

     “ _Most_ change doesn’t come from the top,” Kasimira corrected. “At least, not much that’s good.”

     Mathias nodded serenely. “Yeah… It’s about time we change that.”

He was muttering to himself again, but he didn’t seem bothered by the fact that she had heard him. She stared at him, at her secretive soldier boy, but she knew that he had to be somebody else. He wasn’t just a simple man for war, not with a weapon like that. But she didn’t know anything about combat or Lucis to make any other guess as to what he was.

     “Who are you? Really,” she said gently. She brought up a leg and rested her elbow on it. “I promise I won’t tell.”

     He huffed. “A promise.”

     “I can’t break it.” She raised up her shoulders slightly. “If I double cross, you could just as easily make life hard for me. If not, worse.”

     He frowned then. The insinuation didn’t seem to sit right with him, but she was just being honest. “I wouldn’t do that.”

     “I can’t be sure of that, but it’s always good to know the facts.” She smiled at him regardless, accepting the dubiousness of their stranger-relationship.

     He pressed his lips together and nodded. After a moment, he let out a long sigh and stared skyward again. “Then, I’ve to admit I lied to you.”

     “No surprise there.” She laughed. “Every renegade has to keep closed off.”

     He smiled then. “I’m no renegade, but I’m no soldier. Not necessarily.” Another moment of thought, and he met her eyes. “My name is Clarus. Amicitia.”

     “Amicitia…” She said the name slowly and enjoyed how rolled in her mouth. Her lips curved around each syllable, and she tilted her head slightly with the sounds. She hummed afterward. “Never heard of it,” she said after a pause.

     “I think I’m thankful for that. Though, it doesn’t seem that it would’ve bothered you if you did.”

     “Oh, you know me now?”

She flashed a smile at him, but he was watching her with a warm smile of his own. She liked teasing him and liked that he always matched her too.

     “Not really,” he said, “but I would like to.”

     She laughed and tipped her head down, feeling warm across her cheeks. “That sounds good, _Clarus_ ,” she said pointedly.

She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. Another moment that would push them further. She opened her eyes slowly and looked back to him.

     “I want to know you too.”


	3. Our First Date...

Kasimira was nothing if not curious. When she found time, she looked up the surname Amicitia on her phone. There were a good amount of results pulled up, but she had a crap flip phone device, so trying to load anything was a pain and took up too much time. During one of her meet ups with a client, she leaned her arm against the wall and oh so casually brought it up.

     “Hey… You know all about this place, yeah?” She started. The curly haired woman stared at her curiously. Kasimira rolled her hand. “If I were to say ‘Amicitia’, what would your reaction be?”

     “Oh!” The woman pushed up her glasses and gave herself a shake. She went back to the paperwork in front of her. “That they work for the royal family.”

     “Seriously?”

     “Oh, yes! Right hands or something. They’re always in the papers. Well, so much as the King is in it, I guess.”

     “Yeah? You got a paper?”

     “Nothing recent.” The woman spun the clipboard around in a feat of skilled recklessness before pointing at a bold, empty line. “Sign there, dearie.”

     “Yes, ma’am.” Kasimira grabbed the pen and jotted down her name. She was chatting up someone that worked for the King? Well. That made her feel kind of important. She smiled a bit and handed everything back. “We all set?”

     “All set! They’ll be loading your truck in the back.”

     “Thanks again.”

     “No, thank you!” The woman responded cheerfully, already nose deep in her paperwork. She gave Kasimira a wave off without looking up.

As Kasimira walked away, she realised she got Clarus’ name _— his real name —_ last night but not his number. She supposed that was fair. At the same time, she chewed on what she would say to him the next time they ran into each other.

Even though she had days since that moment to think of something, she couldn’t think of anything _particularly_ clever. Half her thoughts were focused on inventory numbers, and the other half was revolving recent news. When she saw Clarus again, he was dressed down in a tracksuit with a hat tucked low over his head.

She was sitting at a diner booth by herself, patiently waiting for his order when he walked in. Before he turned away, she managed to frantically wave down the waitress at the counter to get his attention. The waitress reached out for Clarus — “Sir!” she said, and the single word jumped out above the steady music. He spun around, and the waitress pointed to Kasimira, who waved. Clarus walked over to her and slotted into the seat across from her.

     “It’s weird to see you here,” she said. “I was starting to think I’d have to live in my truck.”

     He smiled at her and pushed his hat back a bit. “What’re you doing here?”

     “Business, mostly. Just got back from a drop.” She crossed her arms over the table and leaned forward. “So, Clarus, do you get like a fancy title or something working with the King?” He sighed and dropped his head forward. “I definitely can’t call you ‘Your Highness’, but I don’t want to call you ‘Sir’. You seem like you might get a kick out of that.”

     He scoffed before looking up at her. They stared at each other in silence, and he finally asked, “So, what do you think about it?”

     “Just that it makes sense now why you have the big, fancy sword.” Clarus hummed and spread his fingers out over the table. She decided to have _some_ mercy on him. “Did you order already?”

     “Yeah, I got my usual.”

     She smiled at him. “You seem _just_ like the kind of guy to have a regular.”

He returned the expression with a closed lip smile tilted slightly to the right.

     “I feel like if I didn’t I’d be doing the diner a disservice.”

     “Ah, well. You seem like the loyal sort.” She stretched out her arms and patted him. “Hey, if you gotta go back, let me know, yeah?”

     “You seem… bizarrely calm about this.”

     “Shouldn’t I be?” She lowered her chin down to the table and stared up at him, looking like a puppy.

     “It’s just that… I’ve had some people fret a lot or get really nosy about my schedule.”

     “I’ll admit that I’m curious,” Kasimira started. She plucked idly at his track sleeve. “But our lives started long before they intertwined. Your business is your own, Clarus.”

He made a noise and laid his hand on her head. She snorted a laugh and reached up to take his hand with her own. She flipped it over and stared at his rough palm. She traced over a callus with a finger.

     “Doesn’t seem fair that you can call me ‘Clarus’, but I can’t call you ‘Kasimira.’”

     “It’s just a mouthful,” she said with a smile. “Besides, the best way I could shorten your name is to call you ‘Claire,’ and I’m not sure how much you’d like that.”

     He thought on it for a moment and shrugged up a shoulder. “It’s okay.”

     “Really?”

     “I mean, I’ve _definitely_ been called worse things working under the crown.”

     “Aah, is the King really that kind of guy?”

     “Not the King… the prince.”

     “Hm?”

     “I work with his son. Prince Regis.”

     “Oh.” She laughed then. “I bet! He’s probably a kid right, so he has all kind of things to say.”

     “Every now and again, he has some wise ass remarks.”

     Kasimira laughed, laying her hand on top of his without thinking. “Yeah. I bet.”

When her food came, she pulled her hand away from his. Most of her attention went to the hefty plate of food, and she immediately felt like she was starving. Clarus leaned back in his seat. Now it was his turn to do the waiting.

     “Got a big appetite,” he said.

     “Yeah, well, you know how it is running around.”

     He nodded. “I know a place better than this if you’re ever interested.”

     “Mhm?” She reached for her glass and took a long drink.

     “S’got big portions. Might be nice to take something to your mom and dad.” He tilted his head nonchalantly. “I could probably show you it sometime if you ever get interested.”

     She swallowed what was in her mouth before putting on a cunning smile. “Sounds like you’re asking me on another date.”

     Clarus started a response, closed his mouth, and then raised his brow. “Considering this the first one?”

     “If you play your cards right. We just might have enough time to get properly acquainted before you run back to the prince.”

     “Nah, he’s stuck in tutoring until later on tonight.”

     “Well then.” Kasimira jabbed her pulled pork with her fork. “That sounds like I’ve you all to myself.”

His smile was so charming. It was easy-going and sly. Kasimira took in his whole face before biting don on the morsel she had. His food came soon enough, and the chef who delivered it patted him on the back. They chatted briefly, and then Clarus introduced her as well. She nodded her head, and the chef asked them both if they needed anything else. Clarus shook his head for the both of them, and after a hard handshake that sent a _clap_ throughout the diner, the chef went back to the kitchen.

     “Man around town,” Kasimira teased.

     “He’s been serving me up some of the best comfort food for years, even when I was a brat.”

     “Hard to imagine you as a hard-headed kid.”

     Clarus snorted. “So, here’s a story—”

It was his turn to share. At first, he just told the story pretty easily, moving his bowl of stew closer as he spoke. It was only when Kasimira started to engage him that he put more life into his story. It didn’t take long before they were both exchanging tales of their childhood. More than once, Kasimira had to catch herself before she spit out food all over the table.

It was nice being able to talk and share with him. After they finished eating, they paid their tabs and walked out into the parking lot. There weren’t many cars out, but Kasimira noticed that a dark grey coupe was a new addition. She upnodded to it, pointing with her chin.

     “I’m guessing that’s your ride.”

     Clarus looked over to the car. “It is.” He pulled his gaze away slowly. “Kas.”

     “Yuh-huh?”

     “... How long until your family leaves again?”

The smile disappeared and was replaced with a neutral expression. She ran over what she heard in the news again, and honestly, there were so many places for them to go. There was a town over that sounded like they could really use the help.

     “Soon,” she said softly. She looked back up to him. “But I’m not really sure where else we would go. It’s kind of… scattered.”

     “Scattered, yeah.” Clarus curled and uncurled his hands in his pockets. “I was just curious. I was watching the news, and you came to my head.”

     She smirked and reached up to shove at his chest gently. “You’re soft for me.”

     He chuckled. “Maybe.” He then pulled out his phone and ran his thumb over it. It was a few seconds before he presented it to her, ready to take her contact information. “If you want…”

     “If I want,” she repeated before taking his phone. She wrote down her name and number slowly. She glanced up to him. “You had better call me.”

     “I will,” he promised. And only because it was him did she believe it.

She handed the phone back over, making sure the info was saved before she did. He took a moment to examine it and then pressed something on the screen. Kasimira felt her back pocket vibrate. She took out her phone. She ignored the look Clarus gave her phone as she accepted his call. She brought the phone to hear ear and stared up at him.

     “Hallo?” she answered, and she could hear her voice through his phone. Satisfied, she hung up. “What, I guess it really works.”

     “And now I never have to call you again, right?”

     She scoffed and snapped her phone shut. “That’d be so wrong.” She tucked it back into her pocket before reaching out to place a hand on his arm. “Thanks for the date.”

     He chuckled. “You’re welcome.”

     “I’ll let you know when I’m not busy.”

     “Same here. Things are going to get messy for a bit.”

     “Tell me about it.”

They walked to her truck, and Clarus held open the door while she got in. He closed it for her, and she turned towards him.

     “See ya, Claire.”

     “Text me when you get home.”

     She smiled warmly at him. “I will.” After a brief hesitation, she leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Night.”

He nodded and stepped back, watching her pull out of the parking lot. Kasimira sank back in the driver’s seat with a loud sigh. Her nerves were jittery, and she was so sated. So thoughtlessly _happy_. He was a surprising light in her life. She wasn’t sure when she might see him again, but she looked forward to the next time.

 

.

.

.

 

She hated driving at three a.m. and, even worse, through the pouring rain. Her windshield wipers were spitting water left and right, but there was still more coming. She cursed loudly, but it was lost over the gunfire. She looked over her shoulder towards the people under the makeshift shelter she made for them. They were huddled together, moaning praises, crying for mercy from a willing god. The sight broke her heart, but she turned away.

The rest of the convoy was up ahead, barreling towards Lestallum as fast as they could. God, they were still cities away from the border, but Kasimira could imagine it. She thought of the warm sunsets, the packed traffic, the welcoming faces of refugees who _made_ it.

They went to drop supplies; that was it. That was _it_ , but it never hurt to do the right thing.

A massive black jeep slammed into the truck ahead of her. She swerved to avoid it and immediately took another road. The people screamed. She tried to reassure them in a language she barely knew. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

She wanted to reassure them about Lestallum — how once they were there, they could get somewhere safe. Maybe even to Lucis, and oh, she knew that place. She knew people who were prospering there. She wanted to tell them, tell them it was better than there, better than the Eastern country that was being torn apart by a growing civil war. But she couldn’t. She didn’t have the words. She didn’t have the time. She drove as fast as the truck could take her as if spanning the hours between her and the country would stitch together the weeks of her absence.

There was another revving behind her, and she looked to her side view mirror. No more pining. She needed a plan of attack now. She could get these people to a trade post, but she had to lose the truck that was following her now. She had no weapons, no disposable cargo.

She prayed. Not for the first time she started, she prayed and prayed. Her phone went off. She couldn’t hear it, couldn’t answer it. Her phone buzzed again, this time with a text message.

Her truck lurched as it was suddenly bumped into from behind. She grit her teeth and took another road. Everything was dark and unfamiliar. Anywhere could be death, but they had a chance. She knew they did.

Her heart was racing, and she licked her lips as she finally began to see something vaguely familiar. She looked into her side view mirror again and saw the black truck being pushed off the road by another car. It was the most she could see for now. She had to keep going.

She drove until the rain cleared up, and even then, she kept going until the refuel light came on. There was sniffling and whimpering from the back, but most of her people were asleep. She laughed shakily. They made it. They made it! It was another half hour before they found a gas station. She got food for everyone and filled up the tank.

At that point, she opened the passenger door to check her phone. The battery was dying, but the device immediately brightened up when she plugged it in again. She thought to call her parents and see if they made it out okay as well. Her screen had a message.

 

     ONE MISSED CALL

     VATI

 

     ONE NEW VOICEMAIL

 

Her blood ran cold. She looked around before checking her phone again. There was a cold stone in her stomach, but she checked the voice message.

_“I love you, Kasimira. Always remember that.”_

It was a brief message, but she could hear the engine revving. Harder, faster, and then there was a crash.She checked the time. That couldn’t have been that long ago. The crash. The crash...

The car forcing the black jeep off the road.

Her heart sank until she was filled with nothing but nausea. Kasimir unplugged her phone again. The low battery warning flashed at her, but she ignored it. She ran the car, back towards the way they came. She dialed her father’s number. It rang.

It rang.

No one picked up.

She hung up and tried again. It rang

     and rang,

          but no one picked up.

Hang up.

     Call.

Hang up.

          Call.

 

     Call.

 

 _Call_.

 

But no one ever answered. Kasimira tightened her grip on the device, and the low battery warning beeped in her ear. She ignored it. She tried again and again as tears streamed down her face. As the reception weaved in and out.

She called and called. The line rang and rang until her phone eventually gave up.

And died. The screen was an unyielding blackness. She could see her tear soaked reflection in the tiny screen. She snapped it shut. She gripped her phone so tight she started to hurt herself. But the physical pain was nothing. She grit her teeth to choke down the tears, but even then, she eventually gave in.

She dropped down into a squat and sobbed against her knees. It never hurt to do the right thing until it absolutely,

       unquestionably,

         irreversibly did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "... My Personal Loss."


	4. Our Good-Bye

      _“Haven’t heard from you in a while, Kas.”_

     “Sorry. Things just got hectic.”

_“... Everything okay?”_

     “No… No, it isn’t.”

She stood in a room in the early morning light. Her eyes hurt from crying, from fatigue. She was numb all the way through. She found a few scrapes and bruises from helping the refugees over the weeks, but they were minor, insignificant things…

_“What’s wrong?”_

     “My…” She started, and the news choked in her throat. She cleared her throat. “My dad died.”

     Clarus let out a breath, and for a moment, he was silent. _“I’m… sorry to hear that, Kas.”_

     “Thanks.”

_“When?”_

     “The night before.” She turned and sat down on the edge of her bed. It was rickety; the room was dusty, but she couldn’t be bothered to care about it the night before.

_“That’s… That’s so sudden.”_

     She closed her eyes and tightened her brows. She hated listening to him fight for sympathy. “We were making our usual supply drop in the town, but where we were… there was so much going on that we didn’t know. So, we decided to help. There’s something of a gang that runs things here, and it… wasn’t pretty.”

 _“No, I bet.”_ Another sigh. _“I can’t believe you’d do that.”_

     “It was the right thing to do,” she snapped.

_“It was. I’m just amazed. I’m glad you’re alive.”_

And he genuinely sounded it. There was tension in his voice as well as relief. She uncoiled. She was sick with grief and tired from it too. She didn’t have it in her soul to be mad at him. He wasn’t the problem.

_“And… your mom?”_

     “Grieving. As she should be.” As they both should be.

     There was a silence. _“Should I let you go?”_

     And another. “Can I ask you something, Clarus…?”

_“Yeah?”_

     “Were you serious back when you said you said that you wanted to change things. You said it to yourself, kind of, the time we were out drinking on my truck.”

     He made a thoughtful noise as he was trying to remember. She cradled her elbow with her hand, and finally, he came up with, _“Of course. The Crown could always stand to do some good for the people. If not us, then who?”_ He took a second breath as if he wanted to say something, add on something else, but thought better of it.

     She let it slide. “These are the things that matter, Clarus. Just… do as much as you can to make things better.”

_“... I will. And what do you plan on doing?”_

     “I’ll… take care of things from here. Right now, I just need a chance to screw my head back on.”

 _“Yeah…”_ A deep pause. _“I get it.”_

     Kasimira bit her cheek and opened her eyes to stare at the wall. “I wish I could see you again.”

_“Kas, I’m just really glad you’re okay. I may not be able to do much, but just… Call if you need me.”_

     “Anytime? Any place?”

 _“I’m serious. It’s good that I’m there with you, even if I’m not_ actually _there.”_

     She laughed weakly. “You sweetheart… You really are soft for me.”

     He chuckled quietly. He didn’t deny it, didn’t take that away from her. Her lips twitched in a sad smile. “Danke, Clarus… I’ll be seeing you at some point, yeah?’

_“I’ll be waiting.”_

     She hung up the phone but stared at it. “Hm... You seem like a loyal guy that way.”

She took in a small breath and blinked rapidly. Tears caught in her eyelashes, and she hastily brushed them away. No crying. This wasn’t the time for tears. She stood up from her bed and wiped her eyes with her wrists. Her mother still needed her out there, and there was still some good to do in the world.

She’d save the crying for later.


	5. Our Reunion

She would never apologise for the time she spent away from Lucis. Even when she was in and around the country or traipsing through the city, she was like a ghost. It was like that for years. Her identity became more rooted in the world around her. When her mother recovered from grief, she bounced back stronger than ever, determined to do the right thing by everyone.

Clarus called; he texted, and after a point, Kasimira lost contact. Her phone was broken; her next one as stolen, but she forged on. The next time she was in Lucis, she left a note with a woman at the counter, gave Clarus’ description, and left. Even a year passed after then. Kasmiria would never be sorry for their time apart.

Because after five years, all her efforts brought them back together again.

It felt weird waking up in Insomnia again after five actual years of being away. Her little visits never counted. She passed through like a phantom. She rarely stayed long enough to savour anything, anyone. There was a knock at her door, and she called for whoever it was to open it. She was part way through her permission when her mother walked in. Kasimira snorted.

     “I should have known.”

     “I was on my way anyway,” her mother stated, sitting down on Kasimira’s bed. She held out a slip of paper. “I’ve got the number you asked for.”

     “Great. Thanks.”

She took the paper and reached for her phone on the bedside table, typing it in. She knew that her mother was watching but didn’t think to address it yet. With a press of her phone, she called. The ringer went off in her ear. As it did, she stared back at her mom, silently prompting her to speak. Her mother just smiled and reached over to pinch her cheek.

     “I brought something back in case you wanted breakfast.”

     “I’ll be down in a bit,” she said. As she spoke, the line picked up.

_“Hello?”_

     “I have a call from Kasimira Nerthuz for one Clarus ‘Claire’ Amicitia. To accept, please pledge your undying loyalty.”

There was a noise, a sighed laugh, and Kasimira couldn’t help but smile.

_“Is that really you?”_

     “The one and the same.” She drew up her legs under the covers. “How’ve you been, handsome?”

 _“Busy. Busy as all hell…”_ He shifted on the other side of the phone. _“How’re you? Where’re you at?”_

     She held up one finger. “One: I’m fine. So much better before.” Another finger went up. “And two: I’m in Lucis.”

_“Where at?”_

     “Depends on if you can come see me.”

He was quiet for a while. Someone’s voice piped up on the other side, and the phone shifted again. Clarus spoke to someone in the background. There was laughter, banter, and the _tone_ of someone teasing. Too bad she couldn’t hear it all clearly.

_“We’ll be back in a day or two… Do you think you’ll still be there?”_

     “I think I can stick around for a while.” She licked her teeth as she smiled. She was slow to add on, “There’s only thing I need to know though.”

_“What is it?”_

     “Did you miss me?”

She was joking, mostly, but he had been a thought in her mind on and off again. She liked him, hadn’t had time to slow down and meet anyone else. Even if he just missed her as a friend, that was fine enough. She liked the idea of something uncomplicated right now after all she had seen and been through. She didn’t feel the need to tell Clarus that right now.

     He said in a slow drawl, _“Yeah, I did…”_ There was the click of a door. _“You sure everything’s been okay?”_

     “It’s been difficult,” she admitted. “But I’m just as good as I say I am. Better, even.”

     Clarus let out a breath of relief. _“Two days, max, and we’ll meet up again.”_

     “I’ve already got an idea… You coming in from the north or the west?”

_“North through Galdin Quay.”_

     “Perfect. I’ll leave some things for you in two days, Mr. Clarus.”

     She grinned as he laughed at the sudden title. _“I look for to it, Ms. Kasimira.”_

He hung up before she could chastise him, and she laughed gently. “Cheeky.” She wiggled the phone in her grip before placing it down on her bed. She got up to wash and change before heading downstairs for a hearty breakfast.

 

On day one, the first picture she took was of the docks at Galdin Quay. A few people there waved her down, hugging her and thanking her for what she had done in the past . Even her mother was attacked with love from a few lucky souls who had managed to stabilise themselves over the years. They heard stories about those who still needed help, and Kasimira gave them a few names and some numbers. She had built up a small network of her own, and she would absolutely make use of it.

With some parting thanks and even a treat, she was sent on her way. The next picture she took was of the mileage sign saying how far it was until they were at Insomnia. Her mother was driving, and Kasimira was merely being a navigator.

     “I hope I get to meet whoever this is,” her mother said knowingly. “Who’s so special to put forth all the effort for?”

     Kasimira smirked. “What makes you think they’re even special.”

     “Oh, you can’t fool me. But I’ll let you live the lie a little longer.”

     A laugh. “You’ll meet him, mom. Just give him a day to come back to Lucis.”

     “A traveler? I like him already.”

Kasimira laughed again and shook her head. She didn’t even try to correct anything. Who knew where Clarus had been all this time, what he had seen, and gotten into. He sounded like he kept company with him. Maybe it was the Prince? Ah, that’s right. He’d be older now, huh? She’d have to ask him about that.

The next picture came of their little meeting spot. It felt so nice to be here again. The early morning sun was beaming down on the grass. It was half-dead at this point and trying to flourish. She idly wondered if the scars from Clarus’ training back then was still around. She thought to tell her mom to wait and go out to investigate, but she pushed it aside from now. She did linger, however, probably for longer than she should have. But she was back in the car without another word.

The next picture was the transit station, and then the library just down the way.

The fountain at the center of a roundabout.

Capital Crossing.

And then, finally, the sign for the Tengak Fusion restaurant above the karaoke. She circled the picture on her phone before saving it. Her mother stood beside her on the crosswalk with her arms loosely held behind her back.

     “We’ll come here tomorrow when he gets in,” Kasimira told her. “Maybe we’ll get to meet his friends.”

     “All this mystery.” Her mother smiled. “But it’s good for you, to have fun like this for a change.”

     “What are you talking about?” Kasimira wrapped her arm around her mom and then bent down slightly to kiss her cheek. “I always have fun with you.”

     “Hush.” Her mom laughed and patted her arm good-naturedly.

After assembling all her clues, Kasimira found that she was done for the day. She let her mother take the lead of their activities. Around six p.m., the two ended up in a photography studio to meet up with an associate. Her mother handled most of the talk. Kasimira dawdled around the set, blindly following the light grey backdrop.

 _It really was great hearing your voice again_ , she admitted through text. She sent it off to Clarus. After that, she sent another message with a picture of Galdin Quay attached. _Look forward to seeing you tomorrow._

_oh! i see you upgraded._

_What, you thought I was going to stay with the flip phone forever ?_

_i had my thoughts._ Kasimira smirked at her phone. Clarus sent off another text. _see you tomorrow._

Kasimira brought her phone against her chest and sighed deeply, happy that her waiting was finally coming to a close. She heard her sigh mimicked and looked over to see her mother and their associate looking at her. Her mother clicked her tongue.

     “Don’t worry about her. She’s just in love.”

     “I’m _not_ in love,” Kasimira deflected, shoving her phone into her back pocket.

     “You’re too old for it to be ‘puppy love.’” Her mother said. She placed a hand on their associate’s arm. “It’s like she has a school age sweetheart all over again.”

     “I remember the days,” the photographer said, placing a hand on their cheek.

     “Alright, alright. Scatter you two.” Kasimira stepped between and pushed them apart. “Scatter.”

     “Aww, she’s embarrassed.”

     “Nope. I’m _leaving_.”

She shook her head and began walking towards the door. It was all for show, and she showed it with a bright smile when her mother tugged her back. Kasimira placed a hand on her mother’s back, and this time, she managed to stay still as they talked business.

 

She was excited for the next morning. Clarus texted her when they got to Galdin Quay, so in return, she sent him the photo of the mileage sign.

_leaving me clues?_

_Kinda. Are you curious enough to follow them ?_

_maybe._

She grinned and went off to go shower. If they were following the speed limits, it would probably take twenty minutes for them to get into the city, and then after that, it would depend based on traffic. She had enough time to shower and get dressed before sending off the next clue.

After the third, Clarus sent a photo of them on the beaten road. Aah, the sight was familiar. She texted him, _You’re getting close_ , but second guessed herself sending a winky face. She’d hold back for now. Her mother was downstairs reading the paper.

     “Ready to meet my friend?”

     “Your _friend_ ,” her mother emphasized as she folded the paper. “Only if you drive. I’m feeling a little dizzy today.”

     “You alright?” Kasimira walked over and reached out for her mom’s arm. “I can bring him back here, and—”

     Her hand was smacked out of the air, and her mother stood up. “Stop fretting, Kasi. I’ll get my bag.”

     Kasimira laughed. “Yes, ma’am.”

She snatched the keys from the wicker bowl sitting on the table and headed outside. Her mother came out, and they headed downtown. Thankfully because of the time, traffic wasn’t nearly as bad as it usually was. That being said, the streets were still pretty packed with cars.

     As she was waiting in the queue for the parking garage, her phone went off. “Can you answer that?” she asked her mother, who gladly plucked the phone from its place in the cup holder.

     “‘Claire’, huh?” her mother asked pointedly in a singsong voice.

     “His name is Clarus.”

     “Oh, _finally_. I get a name at least.”

     Kasimira rolled her eyes. “Did he say anything?”

     There as a pointed vibration, and then her mother said, “He says ‘Where to?’”

Kasimira rattled off her passcode as she pulled up to the ticket booth. She then told her to send the picture of the transit station. It was hard not to smile. This was such a childish game, but Clarus seemed to be playing along. Was he really with the Prince? Didn’t they have things to be doing? She really had lost track of things since she left this place. Hopefully, Clarus wouldn’t mind filling in the games. She didn’t mind returning the favour, either.

     After parking, she took control of her phone again, and the two stepped out of the car. “We’ll probably be waiting for a little bit. You want to get breakfast?”

     “I think I saw a crepe shop yesterday but didn’t think to point it out.”

     Kasimira slid their parking pass on her dashboard before closing the door. “Lead the way.”

Clarus sent a photo of the passenger rear view mirror. She could only see part of his torso, and— Did he get tattoos? _Hot,_ she thought. She had a hard time deciphering whether they were feathers or fins or something else entirely. Looks like she wasn’t the only one teasing mystery. Gods, she couldn’t wait to see him.

Her mother directed them towards the crepe shop. It actually had a lot of pastries and delicacies and other great smelling dishes that Kasimira had to put her phone down for a while. Unable to help herself, she got ice cream wrapped up in a crepe. It was a combination she never thought of before, but it was also _delicious_.

After eating, they headed upstairs to wait for the others. Kasimira was running out of clues after a while, and she knew they were getting close. The next thing she got from Clarus was a video. They were at Capital Crossing. It was angled in such a way that she could only see from his chin to his chest.

They were debating about parking, and there was one man in the group who sounded older than most of them. One of the guys in the back wearing a reddish brown suit cracked a joke, and the others laughed in unison. Kasimira saw her mother lean closer, trying to take a peek at the phone. She rewound the video and spun her phone around.

     An almond shaped nail tapped against the phone screen. “This is Clarus?”

     “Mhm.” Kasimira hummed.

     “He’s fit.”

     “He’s _buff_ , mom.”

     A laugh. “Well, you said it!”

Kasimira sent off her last clue, put her phone in her lap, and waited it. She was going to be sick from excitement. She kept trying to stop herself from smiling, so she just decided to play it cool. She leaned back in her seat and signaled the waitress. She requested six waters, and the waitress asked if she wanted to bring one of the tables for two over as well.

     It’d give them a bit more room, Kasimira supposed. “If you don’t mind,” she said aloud.

     “Not at all! It’s a pleasure.” And the woman was gone to make the arrangements.

Kasimira’s phone vibrated in her lap. She checked the photo, and they had someone snap a picture of them all lined up facing the karaoke bar. That was probably a strange sight for the people working downstairs, but Kasimira was also left in suspense because Clarus wasn’t showing his face. None of their heads was even in this shot! She groaned and rubbed her face.

     This was her game, and it was already backfiring on her. “I wonder if I should hide.”

     “If you want,” her mother encouraged. “I’ll be sure to keep the attention all for myself.”

     Kasimira snorted. “Not a chance.”

It wasn’t long before the doors opened, and four men entered the restaurant. Those behind the counter gave their usual welcomes, and the small group piped up in response. Kasimira took in everyone, flicking from each of their clothes and faces, but ultimately, she always landed on Clarus.

He seemed… thicker, broader than she had left him. He had filled out with muscle all over, giving him a more solid build. She probably would have thought of him as “svelte” before, but now he looked properly made to match that silly weapon he had. Ah. She wondered if he still had it.

The group spotted them immediately, but Clarus’ eyes lit up the moment he saw her. Not only did he have tattoos now, but he also had grey hair it looked like. He was still dark around the roots, and his beard was far was dark as well. Even still, she thought the grey suited him. Kasimira’s mother turned when she noticed her daughter staring at someone, and even Clarus’ group turned to stare at him.

Kasimira made the first move, just as she had done years before. She placed her phone on the table and got up out of her seat. That broke Clarus’ reverie. He moved to the front of his little pack and headed towards her. They met in the center, and Kasimira was only somewhat surprised by the force of his embrace.

He buried his face in her neck and took in a deep breath. Warm air rushed against her neck when he exhaled. She got a close smell of his skin. He smelled like a mix of colognes, and while that was an amusingly odd thing to notice, she was just so glad to hold him in her arms like this. Upon the realisation that, yes, this was happening and, _yes_ , he was real, she hugged him tighter. He let out a little groan and laughed against her. A comforting hand rubbed against her back, and she felt like life had just replaced a missing piece.

     “Thank the Six,” Clarus muttered as he pulled himself away. He cupped her face with both hands. “You really are alive.”

     “You think someone would be impersonating me all this time?”

     Clarus smiled with a flash of teeth. “You’ve no idea the odd things we’ve seen these past few years.” He turned towards his friends as they slowly approached. “Kas, this is Cid, Weskham, and, well, the once mentioned prince.” He spoke in a lower tone, but it was obvious from the way that the staff moved in the background, they recognised Prince Regis immediately. “But, I think it’s more appropriate to call him a _King_ now.”

     “King? Really?” Kasimir stared at Regis, feeling impressed and saddened all at once. God, he didn’t look that much younger than Clarus, and King already? She swallowed down whatever emotion she had and instead went with something more charming.

     “Fine folk you keep,” Kasimira said looking to each of them. She pulled out of Clarus’ hold and motioned for her mother to stand. “This is my mom—”

     Her mother was quick to introduce herself. “Ilse, and _my_ , you are a strapping man.” She raised her brow and gave her daughter an up and down look. “No wonder someone’s so taken with you,” she muttered playfully.

 _“Ma.”_ Kasimira groaned, and Clarus’ group laughed.

     “Well, we finally get to meet the fabled muse Kas,” the one named Weskham said. He outstretched a hand. “Nice to meet you.”

     “Nice to meet you too.”

     “It’s not often Clarus talks so highly about someone,” Prince Regis said. He was a handsome man in a timeless sort of way. His fashion sense was vintage, but on him, she couldn’t really say that he looked outdated. “Great to finally meet you.”

     “The honour is mine, Your Majesty.”

     “Bah.” Regis shrugged up his shoulders and gently swiped the air with both hands. “I think we’re all friends here.”

     “Well, I’ll be.” The older man, Cid, walked around to Kasimira’s right side. She sized him up quietly. “You’re not just a figment of his imagination.”

     She laughed and faced him properly. “Honestly, I just thought he was one of mine.”

Cid extended his hand, and Kasimira took it. His handshake was unapologetically firm. She returned the squeeze in kind. He seemed to appreciate it.

     “Strong handshake.” He clapped her on the arm with his free hand and looked to Clarus. “This one’s a keeper.”

     “Before we start the wedding arrangements, let’s eat!” Regis suggested.

He motioned for Ilse to sit down first, and she gave a little curtsy. They laughed as she took her place. There was a moment where everyone as figuring out the seating arrangements. In the end, they passed on adding the extra table to their booth. Ilse had more than enough space. Regis gave her some wiggle room, and Weskham seemed just fine perched on the edge.

They ordered food and shared stories as they waited. Kasimira pieced through her most interesting ones and her _happiest_ ones. Also, ones that she could rightfully share without everyone knowing the full extent of what she had gotten herself into. She may not have been a smuggler when she met Clarus, but she was now, of the informational variety at least.

As things went on, Kasimira ran her fingers over Clarus’ tattoos. He gave her a curious look and raised his brows. He didn’t even hide the cocksure smile on his face. She rolled her eyes at him and removed her cardigan. Cid pointed out her muscles, and Clarus playfully teased, “What muscle?”. Kasimira placed her elbow on the table and bent her arm. She nudged Clarus with her shoulder, and he did the same. They flexed their arms within a few seconds of each other. He had her beat on muscle density, but she was nothing to scoff at either.

     “Look at that,” Weskham said. “They’re made for each other.”

The couple put away their muscles, and everyone kept sharing jokes and tales. Part way through story time, Clarus’ hand found hers, and they just sat like that together. She had never felt so won over by such a simple gesture.

It was a great way to kill some hours. They wracked up quite the expense, but everyone seemed happy to split the tab five ways. Clarus paid for Ilse, and he was worming his way even further into Kasimira’s heart. She even decided to tell him as much when they were getting up to leave.

     “Trying to win me over, sir?”

     “Only if it’s working.”

     She chuckled and reached out to take his hand. “So, where are we going with this?”

     Someone was have caught that part of the conversation because before Clarus could answer, another voice replied, “We’re headed back. You two are welcome to come with.”

     Kasimira looked over towards Regis as he approached them. Ilse looked around. “Oh, Your Majesty! I don’t think we could do that.”

     “Why not? You’re friends of the crown.”

     “Really?” Kasimira’s brows went up. Did she make that good of an impression on him?

     Regis nodded. “I figured you might as well come now, even though I’m sure you’ll be acquainted with it later.” He looked up to Clarus, winked, and then patted his friend on the arm.

     Kasimira couldn’t believe it. “How highly did you talk about me?”

     “It wasn’t that much,” Clarus assured, “but apparently, it was enough to make me look obvious.”

     “Were you trying to hide something, Clarus? Oh, I’m sorry, _Claire_.”

She grinned and leaned herself against him as they walked towards the door. Clarus slipped his hand in hers and gave her a squeeze.

     “Nah, I think it’s all pretty clear.”

     “What is? I want to hear you say it.”

Clarus looked up, and the others were obviously trying to listen in and poorly – maybe purposefully – disguising it. Clarus stopped at the top of the stairs leading down to street level. He placed his free hand on the back of his neck.

     “I’m thinking we should go steady.”

     Kasimira’s heart leapt for joy, but she hummed coyly and reached out to coax him down. She gave him a gentle kiss on the lips before saying, “Maybe.”

Clarus smiled against her. They kissed again for a few seconds longer, and then there was a whistle downstairs. The four cheered and made a show of the affection. Kasimira rolled her eyes.

     “That’s the last time I spoil you.”

     “And just when I thought you were getting sweet on me,” Clarus teased.

     Kasimira laughed and led him down the stairs. “Nah, I think that’s a task I’ll leave to you.”

     He hummed. “I’m happy to do it.”

     It warmed her up on the inside to hear it, and a smile spread along her face as she thought, _‘I know you are, Claire. I know you are.’_


	6. Our Love

The days began to take on a different meaning, a new hope. Every moment she spent with Clarus meant something. She learned how much she challenged him and how he challenged her. They caught up; they talked; they stared at the moonlight. They talked about their future. Their _collective_ future.

She tried not to talk about her father, but in the end, she even let him in on that. She told him; she told him everything, and he was fair enough not to skip any details.

She loved him.

Clarus kept her by his side when he could and always checked in when she was out handling business. Well, she had told him nearly everything. She wasn’t sure how she was going to introduce _this_ , but she was sure she’d figure it out in the end.

 

 _She loved him_.

 

She came to the Citadel one night soaking wet. Attendants were quick to come to her aid, but she pushed them away. The rain wasn’t a good thing to get caught in anymore. Gone were the days when she would just laugh and jump her way over a puddle. The thunder made her freeze in place, and her pulse quickened. She hated it. She hated the rain but not him. She could at least her herself away with him.

The Amicitia wing was beautiful, and she almost forgot to ask if she could even _come_ all this way without some sort of escort. It must have been fine; no one thought to stop her or turn her away. She knocked on Clarus’ door, hammered at it with a franticness she thought she had stuffed away. Clarus opened the door in a hurry and stared down at her.

“Claire,” was all she could manage to get out before he swept her off her feet. He brought her into his ensuite bathroom and helped her dry off. He left her with some privacy but brought clothes for her to change into.

He turned on the radio, turning it up loud enough that it muddled the sound of the rain. The occasional hard crack of thunder still made her jump though. He was kind enough not to bring attention to it.

She… loved him, and she was pretty sure he loved her back.

     “Kiss me,” she whispered, wrapped up in the blankets like a frightened burrito.

He brought an arm around her and drew her in. It was chaste; it was safe. It was everything she wanted, but she pressed up into him for more.

She hadn’t thought about it, and he only pulled away long enough to ask if she was okay. He searched her eyes, looking for fear or desperation. As if she was looking to escape. She smiled down at him. She as safe; she was here, and that’s all where she needed to be. She wanted to wrap herself up in this, in this life she was creating with him.

She nodded and kissed him again, guiding him down to the bed and felt along his chest.

The roughness of his palm made her shudder. She felt warm; she felt _ready_ , and all sense of danger completely pushed itself out of her mind. There was a teasing rumble overhead, but she pushed past it just to be here with him.

Maybe she wouldn’t go all the way, not right now. Not while the rain was still falling, but he seemed to accept that. She took what he gave and returned it in kind. They moaned softly into kisses, working each other up into a fervor and just as easily bringing each other down. She needed him, not just in a carnal sense but as a fixed point in her life.

She felt safe and sated, and it was just so _easy_ with him around. She braced her hands on either side of his head and stared down at him.

     “Marry me,” she said, and it was the least romantic proposal she could think of.

Clarus stared up at her, shocked, and sat up slowly. She gave him the space and sat back on her legs. He held her gaze, wondering if she really said what she had said. And she did. They hadn’t been dating long, sure. Maybe a month and a little more, but it was enough for her.

     She said it again, “Marry me.”

     “You move fast.”

     “I know what I want, but I won’t be hurt, Claire, if you decide to take it slow.”

     “Ask me again in the morning,” he said in a soothing voice. And she accepted that too.

She asked her phone and began making the arrangements. She already knew what kind of ring she wanted; she just wanted to find something nice for him too. Even if it was later down the line, she would absolutely get him something to wear.

Night fell, and she was drawn into his embrace. The bed was massive, but it felt small with their bodies pressed together. The shape of his chest against hers, the weight of his hand against her body. The radio was still on but playing at a much quieter volume. The rain was dying down, and she would have been thankful for it if she could even hear it.

 

When morning came, the room was silent. The radio must have automatically shut off at some point, and there was no sound of raining waiting for her. She sat up groggily and wiped away the sleep from her eyes. She turned to Clarus and kissed his face. Slowly, gently. She stroked her thumb over his cheeks before pressing a tender, lingering kiss to his lips.

And then, she drew away. She didn’t have any clothes to wear, but she could probably just dry hers before she headed back home in a few hours. She stared at herself in the mirror. She wasn’t quite as sunkissed as usual. It looked like all the blood had drained from her entire body. She was oddly pale. She touched the back of her hand to her forehead.

The dark circles under her eyes weren’t severe, but they were noticeable. She brought up a hand and rubbed a hand under her left eye with a frown.  _ ‘Great to see these are coming back again,’ _ she thought to herself. She flicked her gaze up slightly and stared into her own eyes. They were a true grey colour with spikes of slate blue intermittently speckled in, but there was a deep fatigue in them as well. She felt like she slept fine, but her body was having an entirely differently opinion on the matter. Look in the mirror, she looked like a ghost. An exceptionally tired ghost rethinking its afterlife choices.

She heard Clarus yawn and stretch in bed and went out to greet him. They talked for a bit while he gathered his senses. He got up and headed into the bathroom, but Kasimira leaned in the doorway as she watched him brush his teeth. Right. Toothbrush. She slid up next to him and bumped her hip against his. She had been so caught up in staring at her reflection that she entirely forgot what she came in here for.

They slogged through their dental hygiene with barely opened eyes, but when they were finished, Clarus coaxed her closer by the hip to properly return the good morning kiss.

He pulled away for the shower, but he had a hand on the knob and stared at Kasimira. “One… two… three…” she counted off in a whisper. She raised up an index finger, took in a deep breath, and said, “Four…” She gave him a thumbs up, and Clarus cut on the shower.

She headed out of the bathroom to give him some privacy. Thoughts of last night came up, and while there was still the satisfying image of them making out, she as more wondering what he was thinking about her proposal. She would try it again and see. She wanted to know his answer.

She had nothing else to offer. Just herself wearing one of her shirts. She brought his shirt up over her nose and mouth and closed her eyes. It was comforting, though. Regardless of what he said, she would still be here. She wanted to keep him by her side.

Kasimira busied herself with her phone, reading through the news and her messages, as she waited for Clarus to come out. He exited the bathroom in a towel, only appearing long enough to grab some clothes. She watched as he dried off his hair with another towel and admired the slight waves it had when still damp.

 _“It skips around, I think. My grandmother had it; her mother had it. My dad had it, now me,”_ he had told her when she asked about the colour.

_“So if you had children, do you think it would go to your daughter?”_

     Clarus thought it over before nodding. _“That’s the pattern.”_

And it was an interesting one. She had never noticed his hair graying before, but admittedly, she spent a lot of time staring at his face more than anything else. When he was as dressed as he was going to be for the morning, Kasimira walked up to him. She placed her hands on his chest and stared up into his eyes.

They were such a beautiful amber colour. He had so many unique things about him. Right now, she was learning she had the amazing skill to appear ghostly. Maybe that would pass on to her kids as well.

     “Marry me,” she said confidently. She rocked up to the balls of her feet and wrapped her arms around his neck. She wasn’t much shorter than him, but it helped to put them at almost eye level. “Let’s try this instead:

     “Clarus Amicitia. Will you marry me?”

He thought about it for a moment. She wouldn’t make a spectacle whether the answer was yes or no. She just wanted him to know how much he meant to her, and this seemed like an irrefutable way of doing so.”

     Clarus placed a hand on the small of her back. “Yes.”

     “Yes?” She grinned. “You said yes.”

     “Sure did.”

She embraced him as tightly as she could, and Clarus did her one better. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the ground. She brought up one leg and laughed against his shoulder. With a quick turn, he spun her around but then gently placed her on the floor. Kasimira cupped his face and kissed him gently.

     “Kasimira Amicitia sounds pretty nice,” she said to him.

     “Got a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

     “Yes.” She rubbed her nose against his. “It does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double upload because I'll be busy today and most of tomorrow~ So the regular upload for tomorrow will be late.


	7. Our Union

She had to meet his parents.

She met them before, of course, but this was an entirely different context. They liked her  _ enough _ ; they always talked to her  _ in passing _ . But there was never a moment that felt personal, deep, meaningful. Every interaction felt surface level. Business as usual. Ordinarily, Kasimira could appreciate that, but she couldn’t get away with it this time. She couldn’t just be  _ business _ . She had to be convincing and charming, or things would start to sink.

Clarus adored his parents and respected them in equal measure. His parents were like two watching lions. Two fierce hawks who waited for any misstep so they could pounce. Clarus’ hand was suddenly at her elbow, startling her to take a breath. They stopped in front of the deep ocean blue door. Clarus gave her a curious look and turned to face her. She reached out to hold him on the forearms.

     “You okay?”

She was nervous. There weren’t many people in her life who could make her nervous, but  _ they _ did. The Amicitias were an inevitable obstacle to hurdle over, and now that she was coming up on it, she left as if she lost her nerve to jump.

     She met Clarus’ eyes, and he watched her carefully. He said, “I could talk to them first, judge their temperament, and give us time.”

It was a kind offer. One she should have taken if she was smart, if she was careful. But she was bold, and Claus was with her. She let out a steady breath and squeezed him on the arms.

     “I just need a moment,” she said with an easy smile. “Let’s go.”

She was ready to jump. They pulled apart, still holding each other’s eyes, and after a moment, they were facing the doors once again. Another inhale, another exhale. She nodded without looking over to Clarus. He knocked.

     “It’s Clarus and Kasimira,” he announced. His voice was rich and authoritative. It echoed in the hall. Comfort all around.

     “Come in,” Regis said, his voice was muffled through the doors, but the couple did as they were instructed.

Regis was bent over the table, propping his head up as he stared at the papers in front of him. A few of the seats were occupied with councilmen, and even though Clarus should have been here with him, there were confidential matters the older Amicitias needed to discuss with him. Kasimira liked her lips. The heavy doors sung closed on their own as Kasimira and Clarus stepped further into the room.

As soon as they entered, all eyes were on them. Regis gave a hopeful smile towards Clarus, and Kasimira’s attention went to the two Amicitias standing on either side of the King. 

     “Sorry if we’re interrupting,” she said. “We could come back..?”

     The councilmen looked to each other and then to the King. He looked happy for the option out of all of this. “I think we can call it a day here. Enjoy the rest of your afternoon, gentlemen. I’ll be sure to present my full thoughts on the matter soon.”

So eloquent. Kasimira reeled back the instinct to find out what they were discussing. Business could wait until later, for another time when she wasn’t walking right up to the hawks. The councilmen said their goodbyes and began collecting their files. The table went from covered in documents to clean in a couple of minutes. Each councilmen was dressed to the nines and sported various amount of grey in their hair. Kasimira and Clarus grabbed a handle and stepped aside, opening both doors for the councilmen and making sure to be polite with their goodbyes.

The doors were closed again, and Regis let out a thankful sigh. He began arranging the papers in front of him. He said something, probably asked what brought them in today, but Kasimira was staring at Clarus’ parents: Fera and Amaryllis. They were focused solely on her; their gazes were intense. Even though she was still nervous, it all began to melt away. Somehow, she felt more in her element. There was an air of protectiveness and scrutiny. Here, she could shine.

Kasimira took a step away from the doors and walked to the end of the meeting table. She brought a hand over her heart and bowed slightly.

     “We’ve come to you with some news. Well…” She looked over her shoulder to Clarus, who slowly approached. “More of a proposal.”

     “For me?” Regis blinked. The Amicitias were unwavering.

     “Not… so much.” Kasimira stood straight and took one last deep breath. “I proposed to Clarus as odd as that is to say.” She smiled easily. “I want to marry him, so I’m setting that out in the open.”

     “After a month?” Amaryllis asked pointedly. His voice felt like it was scratching the inside of Kasimira’s skull.

     “And some,” Fera added on. She set down a paper she was holding and stood straighter on Regis’ left side.

Her very presence was imposing. She stood stock straight and could pin anyone down with her gaze alone, but Kasimira was no coward. She straightened her posture and held her hands behind her back. 

     “It’s fast; I know, but I’ve always been someone who knew what she wanted.”

     “And what, pray tell, do you want?” Fera asked.

     “Clarus. It’s as simple as that. He’s been an important figure in my life for such a long time, and even though we’ve been officially dating for a month, I like to think we’ve collectively spent more time together than that.”

The older Amicitias looked to each other, and then they motioned to the chairs. Regis watched with open interest. He laced his fingers together. Kasimira and Clarus sat across from each other at the end of the table. There were to empty seats between them and Clarus’ parents. That was good enough. 

     Amaryllis asked, “Clarus is the King’s Shield. There are times when he will have to put duty above all else.”

     “I understand.”

     “If anything, she’s more duty minded than me,” Clarus piped up. He gestured a hand vaguely. “We met because she was moving supplies to refugees in the outskirts of Insomnia.”

     “Really?”

     Kasimira nodded. “My family’s made a habit of helping others who have been displaced due to circumstances of war, civil unrest, and the like. After we find out the needs of an area, we help forge supply lines, so they can continue to get the help they need once we’re gone.”

     “And how long has this been going on for?” asked Fera.

     “Fifteen years, I think? It’s always been one of those things that’s gone on for as long as I could remember, it feels like.”

     “And what do you do now?”

     “I work with my mother and father to amplify trades in previously visited areas. We maintain civil connections.” The words came out of her so easily. It wasn’t necessarily a lie, either. Guess she had an official description to slap on her resume in case she ever needed it. “And I don’t plan on stopping.”

Regis had been sitting silently at the head of the table for the entire time. At first, she couldn’t think why he would stick around, but since she was more or less asking to marry his Shield, it’d make sense he’d be here.

     “Couldn’t think you would want to,” he said, running his thumbs idly around each other. “So, how would you be able to take care of those things here?”

     Kasimira thought it over, and then she spread out her fingers against the table. “I was more hoping to talk about this later, but that was something I was hoping to run by you, my King.”

Regis perked up. Well, this went far from what she was expecting. She rolled with it still. Maybe she could cycle things back around. 

     “Well, with the connections slowly spreading out from key areas across the continent, it’s getting harder and harder for my mother and I to go where we’re needed. I was going to plead my case to see if I could interest you in an assistance program with allied areas. So, even if people can’t come here, they can still find useable resources elsewhere.”

Regis hummed and leaned back in his chair. Kasimira glanced over to Clarus, and he gave her a slow nod in approval. She hadn’t really had a chance to discuss her ‘vision’ with him, but he seemed to approve. His parents, for the most part, were unreadable still. 

     “I’m thinking of it as a retirement plan for my mom, mostly. As much as I would want her to, she can’t do it forever,” she added on. “Maybe she could be Director of Communications, who knows.”

     “I’ll come back to that.” Regis placed a hand on the table and drummed his fingers. He sounded sincere. At least she had another reason to speak to him outside of all of  _ this _ . He then glanced left and right to everyone else at the table. “I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he said with a little laugh in his voice.

     Amaryllis shook his head. “Not at all, Your Majesty. If anything, I’m impressed.”

     “And once the duties have been transferred over to your mother, what do you plan on doing for yourself?”

     “I think I’ll find something.” Kasimira grinned. “I’ll probably be my mother’s assistant, but in the meantime, I think I’ll want to be useful around here.”

Fera hummed, and she looked over to her husband. They communicated to each other with looks and vague gestures. Clarus reached out over the table and brushed his fingers over Kasimira’s hand. She looked over to him, and he gave a knowing little smirk. It all seemed like good news to him. She was hopeful just from his expression.

     “And what you think in all of this, Clarus?”

     He let out a heavy breath, and Kasimira kept her hand still under his. “If there’s anything I can do to keep her around, you can believe I’m all for it.”

Kasimira smiled. It was hard not to. Clarus looked over to her and returned the expression. The silence returned again, but it only lasted for a little while.

     “On one condition,” Fera said. She placed a hand on her wrist and sized up Kasimira.

     “Tell me,” Kasimira replied. She pulled her attention away from Clarus and looked to the other two Amicitias. “I’ll do anything.”

 

  
Her chest was aching. All she needed was a moment to catch her breath, and she’d be back in the game. But there was no way she was going to get that here.

A punch came straight for her face, and she leaned to the right out of the way. The Crownsguard followed her action and moved in for another strike. Kasimira batted both his hands out of the way, and just as she sat up, Fera came at her with a flying punch. This time, Kasimira jumped backwards out of the way.

Her opponents were on her in seconds. She had nothing in the way of offense, but she sure as hell could stay on the defensive. She managed to keep both of them at bay by parried their strikes and moving into their spaces. It wasn’t a perfect method, not by a long shot. She was still slow enough to overwhelm, and her technique was sloppy.

     “Time!” someone yelled.

Fera and her Crownsguard backed away immediately. Kasimira doubled over, trying to catch her breath.

     “Good work, but there are some things we need to work on,” Fera appraised. She adjusted her glove and turned towards the Crownsguard sitting and watching nearby. “Can anyone tell me what was critically wrong with her technique?”

The suggestions came, but Kasimira was too overheated to listen. Her ears were burning, and her heart was quaking in her head. The Crownsguard she fought came over and patted her on the back. He checked up on her; she robotically nodded, not really taking in a single thing he was saying. He patted her again and straightened her up. They walked over to Fera, who was continuing her lecture. There wasn’t so much as a hair out of place. Guess that made sense for Captain of the Crownsguard. 

Kasimira and her sparring partner stood behind Fera, equidistant from each other. Kasimira was taking long, deep, steadying breaths through her nose, but as time went on, she was starting to feel better. Fera began slowly walking backwards. She reached out to place a hand on Kasimira’s stomach. 

     “If I were to have attacked here—” She pointed to Kasimira’s neck. “—or here—” She mimicked a slowed down punch just under Kasimira’s ribs. “She would have been finished. There are key things you have to notice in your opponent. Kasimira is out of breath, so if I wanted to debilitate her, I would have tried to complicate her breathing.”

_      ‘Build up stamina. Do some cardio. Got it,’ _ Kasimira noted in her head. She managed to keep a straight face throughout.

Once the lecture was over though, everyone was dismissed. Kasimira and her sparring partner shook hands. It was amicable enough. Fera walked past and clapped Kasimira on the shoulder.

     “Great job in there. Next time, we’ll toughen you up.”

It was a joke, Kasimira was sure, but it was said in that authoritative aloof tone that Fera used so well. Even still, she gave a small smile and followed Fera to the changing room. Being able to shower after getting put through the paces was nothing short of a blessing. Her body aches under the spray. Even with the warm water beating down over her body, she feels numb and tense all over. Maybe she could convince someone to give her a massage later if this keeps up.

When her shower is over, she walks over to her locker, tiredly rubbing the towel all over her body. Just as she opens the metal door, she hears a couple of few other female voices enter. There’s only a handful of female Crownsguard, her being the new recruit, but she’s glad to see that everyone’s keeping pace with each other. There are adjustments here and there but nothing beyond what’s necessary. They’re all on equal footing here. That’s what Kasimira likes.

She changes quietly and slips on her wedding ring with a tired sigh. The dark silver ring fits snug around her finger, and she swears she can feel the engraving inside. She closes her locker door and bends down to tie up her boots. 

Her phone vibrates against her breast, and she sits up to pull it out of the inner pocket of her jacket. 

_      your mother brought food for us; head down to the garden antechamber when you get a chance. _

     Kasimira smiles and texts back:  _ The garden ? Isn’t she sweet ? _

_      i know. romantic, isn’t it? _

With that, she walks out of the locker room and heads down towards the garden. It’s an easy walk, and it even allows her to clear her head for a bit. She ran over what went wrong in her training session and tried to formulate a plan to make herself better. She knew that Clarus could offer some valuable insight. Maybe she’d have a better idea if she paid attention during the lecture… Eh, her mind was too far gone at the time. She barely got away from having her ass soundly and impressively handed to her. 

She opened the door to the garden antechamber and saw Clarus and Ilse sitting next to one another. They were talking casually, though Ilse was posed at the end of the chair as if she was about to take her leave. Upon seeing Kasimira, however, she did just that.

     “Well, I should get going,” Ilse said as she stood up. She walked over and gave her daughter a kiss on the cheek. “I brought obsttorte from Merla. You remember her?”

     “I remember. Thanks, Ma.”

Ilse nodded, patted her daughter on the shoulder, and left. Kasimira looked over to Clarus, who already had a morsel of obsttorte on his fork. He tilted it up in acknowledgement to her. She walked over with a soft laugh.

     “Already getting started without me?”

     “Oh, you know your mother wouldn’t let me go until I at least tried it.”

     “And if she did, she would’ve made me sit here and then text her your reaction.” She sat down next to him, close enough to where their legs were touching. She sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. “You’ll have to feed me.”

     “Bad day?”

     “Rough day, never bad,” she said softly. She closed her eyes and forced herself to sit up with a slight groan. “I’m just tense, but I’ll be fine in a while.”

     “You’re doing fine, you know. My mother seems happy with your progress.”

     “And yet, she never boasts about me.” She laughed and rubbed her thighs idly. “I see where you get it from.”

     “Get what?”

     “Your cool and collected nature. You’re just like your mom.” She scrunched up her face a bit as she slowly nodded. “ _ Spitting image _ of your dad, though, but you’re definitely a lot like your mom.”

     Clarus chuckled. “Thanks.”

     “Just don’t go kicking my ass to show how much you like me though.”

She leaned forward to get herself a slice of the tart, but Clarus nudged her leg with his own. She looked up towards him, and he cut a piece off with the side of his fork. Kasimira leaned back up and gratefully bit off the piece that was offered to her. Obstortte was very good, and it always tasted the same no matter where she bought it from. But right now, just for today, it tasted even better.


	8. ... My Nightmare

_The bullets are coming as rapidly as the rain itself. The refugees in the back are crying, calling her name and pleading for her to go faster. Faster, faster. She’s going as fast as she could. The speedometer says 117 kph. The pedal is literally pressed down against the floor, but she feels as if willpower alone could make them go further._

      _“Save me. Save me,” the people cry, and Kasimira knows she’s doing the best she can._

_But the voices die off one by one, and dread sinks in. She thinks the worst, assumes that the bullets finally got them all. She looks over her shoulder. The back of the truck is covered by something more solid, by a metal structure. There are no people, only crates and fallen over parcels. Kasimira looks forward again, and she sees the back of a black jeep. She’s going too fast to stop it, and the screech of metal makes her heart jump into her throat._

_Out of instinct, she pulls the wheel to the right and then to the left. The jeep swerves wildly, and she guides it straight towards the side of the road. Off the shoulder. It all happens in slow motion. She looks over to her right and sees a beaten, bullet ridden truck heading off the road._

_Her vehicle flips. The noise is deafening._

_And there’s the briefest moment of silence_.

But her phone vibrates loudly, shocking Kasimira back into the world. Her heart jumps into her throat, and she scrambles for purchase. In a frantic craze, she looks all around and then immediately grabs her phone.

 

 **EMERGENCY ALERT**   now

Flash Flood Warning in South and South East Insomnia until 4:35 AM.

Avoid flooded areas. Call crisis lines if in emergency.

 

Kasimira’s shaking. She looked outside but didn’t see any rain. She brought her free hand to her face and let out a shaking breath. It wasn’t the first time she had nightmares, but she couldn’t remember them being so… visceral. So violently in the moment. Drawing her hand away, she noticed the bed beside her was empty. Not the first time she had woken up alone either, but it was the one time she so desperately needed someone.

She kicked off her covers and kept her phone in her hand. She walked out of her and Clarus’ suite, and the silence was eerie all around her. She bit down on the inside of her cheek as she walked the small distance separating her and her mother.

     Even as gentle as they were, her knocks stood out in the hall. “Ma,” she called out firmly. She waited a beat. « Ma, it's Kasi… »

She could distantly here “Kasi...?” on the other side, and it wasn’t too long before the door opened for her. Ilse stared up at her before motioning her in.

     « Honey, what’s wrong? » she began, tiredly in their native tongue.

     « A nightmare, » Kasi explained. She turned around and stared at her mother imploringly.

The look was lost until Ilse turned the lights on. Ilse turned the dimmer to medium, and her face changed into one of concern when she saw the expression that was waiting for her.

     « It was about dad… What happened when… » Kasimira started but couldn’t finish. She brought her hands up to her chest and crushed them over her heart as if that would stop the painful beating.

     Ilse closed the space between them. As her hands slid over Kasimira’s arms, she shushed her daughter gently. « Come here, Kasi… »

Kasimira bent slightly to hug her mom properly, but it was fine. It was another warm body against her own. It was the one parent she had still alive, still breathing, still _here_ in the moment. Kasimira let out a shuddering sob but didn’t let it go much further than that.

Ilse drew away and pulled Kasimira to her bed. There wasn’t any other place to lie down in her suite. She had chairs for guests and the one loveseat, but it wasn’t big enough for her daughter who was so close to crumpling from grief. When close enough, Kasimira yanked back the covers and slid herself under. She grabbed the nearest pillow and pushed her face against. Anything to suffocate that sadness building up inside of her.

She felt fingers through her hair and a kiss against her head. And that was enough. The pain was still there, but the smallest bit of comfort was enough to diminish the pain until things, at least, felt okay.

When she felt a hand on her head again, there was an insistent voice that followed. There were hushed words, but her tired mind was too hazy to process any of it. Movement..? She felt movement, and her body curled up to the closest thing it could. Something solid, something warm. Kasimira shifted a hand in her sleep and caught onto a shoulder. She never noticed.

Her eyes opened some hours later. It was the fringes of sunrise. The room was lightening up, though not by much. Her eyes saw the expanse of Clarus’ chest first, and then she tilted her head up to look at his sleepy face. He hated sleeping on his back; she knew this, but he served as a nice pillow for her while she slept. She felt thankful more so now than she ever did before.

She crawled up and placed a gentle kiss on his lips before lying back down again. She sighed against his chest and then closed her eyes again. She may not have been tired anymore, but lying here like this was paradise. Far better than she could have dreamed.


	9. Our Celebration

Clarus hit the mat first, and Kasimira knelt down on top of him. She grinned at him. He glared up at her.

“Happy three year anniversary,” she teased. Instead of leaving him with a kiss, she stood up again and stepped over him. She twisted her lance into the air, caught it, and swirled it around her body. She was far from expert at it in her opinion, but she felt great with it. She heard Clarus come to his feet behind her, and she turned around to face him. She opened out her arms and willed her weapon away.

There was nothing more exciting than having access to the crystal, and she thanked the Astrals everyday for the privilege.

     “Don’t get too cocky,” Clarus grumbled as he came to his feet.

     Kasimira laughed and placed her hands on her hips. “Cocky? I tell my husband ‘happy anniversary’, and he’s all grumpy about it.” She grinned at him. “Sounds like someone’s a sore loser.”

Clarus wasn’t completely facing her, but he tilted his head and gave her a _look_. There was something to it. It was more than a challenge. It was heated. The sight of it got her adrenaline pumping and made her smile brighter. She lowered her stance and readied her hands for a grapple. “C’mon then,” she teased, raising her brows at him as well.

He was slow to turn, and it was as if she had a predator rounding on her. Even still, she held her ground. He took two steps toward her before he went into an all out sprint. She had a few seconds to decide what she wanted to do, but in the end, Clarus swept her off her feet. Her hands went to his biceps, and he pressed her up against a wall.

She felt a throb between her legs, and the breath shuddered out of her. “Oh,” she said weakly. She studied his face. His gaze was so sharp, so critical. When he rubbed his lips together slowly, never breaking eye contact with her, she felt as if he was going to devour her whole.

Ah. The thought sent a pleasurable sensation right down between her legs.

Clarus adjusted his grip on her and held her under the ass. She squeezed her legs against him. Her hands tightened where they were on his arms.

     “Right here, you monster?” she teased, but her voice was so telling. It was as if she couldn’t get enough air to form the words. “And if someone comes in?”

He didn’t give her time to paint an elaborate story. He closed the space between them with a firm kiss, and she brought a hand up to his hair. He kept cutting his hair shorter and shorter, but she liked that there was always just enough for her to grab onto. Her nails scratched against his scalp, playing at the idea of doing just that.

Oh, stars… When was the last time she had him? Admittedly, sex never really registered much on her radar as it was, and living in the Citadel always shifted her priorities. But sex, when they had it, was an indescribable treat. It was spun her brain around, turned her world inside out. Thinking about it now made her crave it.

Clarus pulled back, and he could see it in her eyes. He lowered her down to her feet, and they all but ran back to their suite.

It was funny in a way how he was like his younger self. The years had shaped and molded him to be more reserved, to be more calculating and reserved, but right now, he looked all like the young Shield she had met on the outskirts. When the door closed behind them, it was just him and her. She turned the lock to make that a certainty, and she was on him this time, taking the lead and pushing him backwards.

And it was every bit as she remembered. The pressing warmth of his body against his own, the wanton growls and grabs at her body. But she was always there to counter and tease him, to force him to slow down or drive him crazy by speeding up. Even among the cloudiness of lust settled over his amber eyes, she could see the love in them, the _possessiveness_ in them, and it set her mind on fire.

They laid together afterward in a daze. Kasimira had a hand over her head, and her free one ran along the plane of her stomach. She stared up at the ceiling, trying to keep as still as possible. Her body still tingled, and any motion could set her off again. It might’ve also worked Clarus into another stupor, but after _that_ , she needed a break.

     “What do you want to do for your thirtieth?” Clarus asked, his voice a pleased rumble.

Kasimira huffed a laugh at his choice of pillow talk, but she convinced herself to look over at him. His eyes were closed; his chest rose and fell steadily with each breath he took. She hummed.

     “I dunno. I was thinking of going out, having a meal that was castle-made.”

     “Could be nice,” he said with a slow nod. “I want to take you somewhere.”

     “Only if you could escape.” She laughed softly. “Regis can come with. I don’t mind.”

     “Maybe. I’ll think of something.”

     She reached down to pat him on the hand. “I know you will.”

They had to dress up and change pretty quickly. Because of their stations, though, they were used to moving with some sense of urgency. So, it was all the same to them. Clarus helped Kasimira pull her hair up into a messy bun.

     “You need a haircut,” he mumbled.

     “Yeah, yeah,” she said dismissively. “Maybe if you do something for my birthday, I’ll consider it.”

     He chuckled. “Pressuring me now?”

     “You know it.”

She turned back towards him, and they shared a quick peck. Afterward, they exited their suite and went their separate ways for the rest of the day.

 

_“Kasimira. I want you to monitor the South wall. Switch with Scorpus.”_

     She pressed a finger against her communicator. “On it, Captain.”

She dropped down from her perch and kicked against the post, jettisoning herself forward. She reached out for the railing of another building, braced her feet against the wall, and pushed up onto her hands. She balanced on the rail for a second before swinging around. Her feet hit the ground, and then she rolled forward.

Free running through the edges of Lucis was a joy that she couldn’t describe. Two years ago, she never could have imagined that she would have been in this position, but now that she was here, she couldn’t imagine life any differently. A sharp whistle went off up and to the left from where she was. Scorpus’ shadow passed over a few seconds later. Kasimira whistled in kind as she raced in the direction he came from.

The south end of Lucis was despairingly quiet. One the plus side, this area faced out towards the ocean. So, with the right elevation, Kasimira could get a glimpse of the sea far off near the horizon. She took in the sight for a while before lowering down to the ground again. She started her patrol, and everything was pretty routine for a while. Boring even, more so than usual. Kasimira yawned big and walked over towards a steep hill to look around the uneven land.

She turned around, and something caught her attention. A cloaked figure was running, sketchily, in the direction of the kingdom. She watched the figure quietly for a moment before creeping her way towards the moving body. She let out a deep, steadying breath as she moved stealthily. All of her training was going into this movement it felt like. When there was a reasonable gap between her and the stranger, she began quickly walking forward.

     “Can I help you with something?” she asked. 

The person stopped and hunched over. She stopped suddenly and shifted her feet. Her mind prepared for battle; she grabbed her dagger from the sheathe at the small of her back. The cloaked figure turned suddenly, and Kasimira jumped a step back. She started to raise her weapon but stopped partway.

     “... Regis? What’re you—”

Her words fell short. She heard an engine and looked over to see her truck coming towards them. The horn honked, and her family associate waved their hand enthusiastically. The truck pulled up between Kasimira and Regis. Amaryllis, Fera, and Ilse were all sitting in the back. Clarus opened up the passenger door and stepped out of the truck.

     “What…” Kasimira was dumbfounded. Regis ran around towards the back and pulled open the door to the truck bed. “Shouldn’t you be at the Citadel?”

     “I need to get out every once in awhile too,” Regis countered flippantly. He reached out for something, nodding and quirking his fingers as he did.

     Kasimira turned her attention towards Amaryllis and Fera. "And you two are just okay with it?”

     “Not… necessarily,” Amaryllis said. His voice became more deep, more pervasive over time. “However, his Majesty is more convincing than anyone gives him credit for.”

     Regis grinned in spite of it not actually being a compliment. “It comes with the crown.”

Clarus walked over and took Kasimira’s hand gently. She stared up at him, and he guided her away from the truck. She followed his lead blindly.

     “What is this?”

     “Nothing special,” Clarus said offhandedly. “Just a little get together while we all have time.”

     “None of you have time,” she said. There was a smile on her face, but it was true all the same. “Shouldn’t Regis be back at the Citadel? Seriously?”

     “Trust me. I didn’t expect him to pull anything when I was throwing ideas at him, but he’s resourceful. If he weren’t King, who knows what he would get into then.”

Kasimira laced her fingers between Clarus’ as he brought her around and past the truck. The others soon followed behind them. Clarus led her towards another steep hill, but this one had a natural recess carved out of it. There was enough shade to keep the sun from shining down in their faces. There’s a folded table already set up with a sheet over it. But there’s someone else already waiting there.

     “Weskham?” She pulled her hand from Clarus and walked up to meet her friend.

     He embraced her with a laugh. He patted her back with both hands. “Hey, Kas. Good seeing you again.”

     “You look great.” She took a step back and placed her hands on his shoulders. “Are you back from Altissia?”

     “For a while,” he joked. He brought up a hand up to her shoulder. “It wasn’t easy coming to Lucis again.”

     “I don’t doubt it.” She was overcome with gratitude. She gave a resolute nod. “I appreciate it, Wesk. Do you need a chair?”

     “They’ve got me covered.” He smiled and looked over towards Regis and the others as they came closer.

     Kasimira looked over her shoulder and then looked to Weskham again. “Thanks for coming.”

     “Anytime, Kas. Anytime.”

They pulled away and spread out. Clarus and Weskham lift the sheet together, revealing the food and dessert already laid out. During the celebration, Weskham received a call on his phone, and he handed it out towards Kasimira. She grinned when she saw Cid on the screen.

     “Oh, what! You don’t love me anymore?”

 _“I’m too old to travel these days,”_ he said instantly.

     Kasimira huffed a laugh. “C’mon, you know the saying. You’re only as young as you feel.”

_“Then I feel ancient!”_

She couldn’t help but laugh this time, and everyone around her shared her good humour.

_“But I wanted to say happy birthday. A Kingly bird told me it was today.”_

     “It is,” she agreed. “Thanks, Cid.”

_“You’re welcome. You had better come see me sometime.”_

     “I will. Thanks again!”

Weskham drew his phone back and shared some parting words with Cid. As he did, Clarus brought his arms down around Kasimira and set a present down on the table. Ilse moved Kasimira’s plate out of the way.

     “What’s this?”

     “Defeats the purpose of me wrapping it, doesn’t it?”

Kasmira playfully elbowed her husband before unwrapping the present. The box was rectangular and medium sized. Thick too. She couldn’t think of what it would have been just from looking at it.

She pulled off the lid and saw a glove. It looked long enough to slip up to her elbow,, and there was a silver bracelet as well. She reached for the bracelet, but it was wrapped around the glove. Reaching out, she took the glove in hand. There was something else underneath.

A new weapon. A polished silver blade greeted her. It had runic engravings in its silver. Clarus reached around her and gently removed the black cloth covered the hilt and handle of the blade. Kasimira wasn’t sure what to look at first, so she looked at the bracelet.

It was simple with a dark green underside. Even the glove had a deep green tint to it. Her favourite colour. On the bracelet, there was another engraving. _Peace. Honour. Control._ She smiled and looked up to Clarus.

     “You really like engraving things,” she said to him.

     “The blade is from us,” Fera and Amaryllis said calmly as one.

Kasmira didn’t take her eyes off her husband, staring up at him through her lashes. That prompted him to say:

     “And I got the gloves and bracelet.”

     “Practical,” she muttered lovingly.

     “Every engraving is so you have a piece of me wherever you go.”

     “Protective.”

     “Endlessly.”

She leaned up into him for a small kiss but drew away shortly after. She removed her Crownsguard gloves and replaced them with her new one. As she properly fitted the bracelet in place, Clarus removed the short sword, revealing there was another glove underneath. “A matching set,” she said once the glove was on. She brought up her arms to show them newly covered. Ilse whistled, and Weskham took a picture.

     Regis soon leaned in and left his own present on the table. He looked to Ilse, but she patted a hand on his shoulder. “You first. I want to be the last surprise.”

Kasimira smiled at the thought. As everyone chatted and celebrated her birthday, she continuously expressed her gratitude. But no amount of words, no matter how sincere and unerringly true, could ever express her love enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to update this on my lunch break, but here we go. ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿


	10. Our Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with pregnancy. It's pretty light handed, but feel free to skip to the next chapter if you feel so inclined.

Kasimira stared at a photograph with half lidded eyes. It was of her, her mother, and her father when she was a small girl. She was standing on top of a shoddily put together banister, but Dafydd was holding her steady. Ilse was on the other side with a hand raised against Kasimira’s lower back as well. Her parents were smiling at the camera, and Kasimira was holding proudly holding up a stuffed animal over her head like it was a trophy.

She smiled a little. She barely remembered the years in that shantytown. It wasn’t amazing, she was sure, but they were happy though. All of them together. Her other hand was on her round stomach. She tapped a finger idly against it until finally there was a kick. She snorted and looked down at her belly.

     “Don’t you get started,” she chastised her unborn child. She reached out and set the photo on the wire table. She heard footsteps behind her, but she didn’t look. She kept her gaze out to the Crown City. Her eyes followed all roads leading towards Capital Crossing.

     “Here,” said Ilse. She placed a saucer with a hot drink on it next to the photograph. Ilse paused and looked down at it. “Where’d you get this…?”

     “I’ve all kinds of hiding places, Ma.” Kasimira looked up and smiled at her. “It’s what we do, remember?”

     “It’s what I do,” Ilse gently chastised. She took the other seat and made herself comfortable. “How’s he doing?”

     Kasimira took in a deep breath and cupped her hands under her stomach. “Well, he decided he didn’t like me tapping, so he decided to say something about it.”

     Ilse laughed. “It’s got a little attitude.”

     “And I’ve no idea _where_ he gets it from.”

     “Probably your dad.”

     Kasimira smiled fondly and looked down at her stomach. “Yeah.” She stroked a hand over it. “Probably…” She sighed and sagged more against her seat.

     Silence settled for a bit, and Ilse waved her hand. “Drink, drink. I don’t want it to get cold.”

     This time when Kasimira sighed, she sounded very put upon. “You know, Claire would help me.”

     “I haven’t helped you drink anything since you were little, save when you were sick.” Ilse clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. After a moment, she asked, “And how _is_ he?”

     “Doing fine, I think.” As acting head of the Crownsguard, he was stressed and stretched a bit too thin. She helped when she could before the pregnancy took a toll on her. She frowned against the lip of her cup. “I think he’s thinking about what happens if Fera doesn’t come back.”

Some small reserved part of her wanted to believe that she would come back okay, but she had been out in the battlefield before. And she hadn’t even been a soldier. She was a civilian just trying to make a delivery. It was far more dangerous to put oneself in the middle of the fray, especially when the fight involved Niflheim. She drank a little more and then put her cup aside. Her eyes caught the photo again, and she was… distracted. Distraught, even.

     « What’s wrong, dear? » Ilse asked kindly.

Kasimira pressed her lips together. She wasn’t sure if it what was wrong talking about and almost said as much. She shook her head and looked out to the city again. She brought a hand up and rested her cheek against a half curled fist.

     « Nothing. »

     « Oh, don’t give me that ‹ nothing › line. Let it out. »

     Kasimira grimaced. « I’m just thinking about my life here at the Citadel. It’s not that I don’t want it. Trust me, I can’t think of many other things I want more, you know. It’s just… I want you to have a place where you can just sit down and relax. Maybe even retire. »

     « Kasi… »

     « I’m serious! And since I’m having a kid, I don’t want him to be surrounded by all of… _this_ everyday. I don’t want him to grow up with nannies and tutors if I can help it. I don’t want there to be a reminder that we all have a title. I want him to be… Humble. Something. I just want to show him life outside of all of this. »

     She paced her hands over her blanket, avoiding her stomach pointedly as she went on, « I’ll always love it here, but hell. I need a break. We all need a break… »

     Ilse stared at her. « Have you talked to Clarus? »

     « Not yet. I couldn’t think of a way to say it that didn’t sound like I had grown to hate the place. »

     « But you haven’t, » Ilse reaffirmed calmly.

     Kasimira huffed a laugh. « Not yet, » she joked. « No. Not in a million years. Sometimes, when you think about it and where we are, it’s just overwhelming. ...Maybe because I never had so many options before. » She smiled. « Life was so simple when we were running supplies. It was all so straightforward. Get supplies. Haul them back and forth. Maybe get the one guy who packs everything poorly and makes you stand outside for half a day to make it all right. »

She and Ilse laughed together, but it was soft, contemplative. The smile slowly left Kasimira’s face, and her expression calmed into something more contemplative.

     « I just want to give us a chance, for a little while, that we’re just simple people. We’ve done our share for now. Let’s take a little break— » She looked at her mother. « —and come back stronger. »

     Ilse nodded. « Stronger than ever before. »

It was an empowering moment. Kasimira felt more determined than ever to get things settled, but she knew she couldn’t rush through months and years with her family. But the realisation was nice. She didn’t realise how much she needed the chance to slow down. She laced her fingers together and cradled her stomach.

     “... Have you ever thought about teaching Clarus a few words?” Ilse asked curiously.

     “Oh, he speaks our language.”

     “What? I never knew that.” Ilse shifted in her chair with a huff. “What a secretive son.”

     Kasimira laughed. “That means he fits right in, doesn’t it?”

     Ilse flicked her hand and made an offhanded comment. It was easy to talk about their plans for the day, even though Kasimira’s often playfully ended with “Oh, wait. Never mind.”

Her mind did often when she was alone. She didn’t want to stay at the Citadel to raise her son, but then that meant they would have to buy a house. Another first, to be sure, but it absolutely occupied Kasimira’s time between prenatal checkups and meal times. It was nice being wheeled around the palace, but man, she would be happy when walking — or really doing _anything_ — wasn’t such a chore.

At one point, an attendant was pushing her down the hall towards the Crownsguard training facility. It would have been nice to be around other people for a while, maybe even talked trash while the remaining team got their practice in. She was scrolling on her phone through different realty listings and was completely invested in a five bedroom house she found. There was no reason to even want that many bedrooms, but the interior was _nice_. There were only a few shots, none of the bedrooms or bathrooms, sadly, but when she saw the walled off backyard, she knew she had to have it.

She just had to talk to Clarus.

     “What are you looking at?” came a familiar voice.

Speaking of the devil.

     “I’m looking at the house you’re going to buy for me for our ten year anniversary,” she said casually.

     Clarus snorted a laugh. “That’s for our anniversary?”

     “You’re right. Who am I kidding?” She saved the listing on her phone before pressing back. “We both know _I’m_ going to buy it for you.”

     He laughed again; this time, it was a fond chuckle. “You always were take charge. Where’re you headed?”

     “To the training grounds. I know the Crownsguard have missed seeing my face.”

     “Undoubtedly.”

     “I bet I could run circles around them in this wheelchair,” she added, raising her brows and grinning wickedly.

     “Ha! Well, I’m sure Gladiolus would appreciate it if you tried.”

     She looked down at her stomach and stroked over it fondly. “Yeah, I’m sure he would.” There was a kick in response, and Kasimira shook her head. “See? Look. He’s already kicking because he knows we’re talking about him.”

     “He’s smart.”

     “Unsurprisingly. I mean, look at his parents.”

She leaned her head back and smiled up at Clarus. He looked down at her and returned the expression. He looked so severe these days, but she was glad to see him soften up around her. Maybe moving for a bit would be the best thing. Could she convince him to stay every so often? Maybe not… but it’d be worth a try, wouldn’t it?

     She set her phone down and looked straight ahead. “I was thinking about something… I want to talk to you about it as soon as you get some free time.”

     “This a bad thing?”

     “Not really. Complicated, I think, but not bad.”

     “I’ll have some free time tonight if the meeting doesn’t run over.”

He stepped to the left side, and the attendant swiftly took his place. They never missed a beat. Kasimira took his hand and peered up at him. He brought a hand to her cheek. That was all the time they head.

     “Love you,” he said.

     “Love you too. And bring something back for me to eat when you get in.”

     “I’ll try.” He swept his cape as he turned away. “Try not to stay up too late.”

     “Just watch me!” she called out.

He shot her a smile over his shoulder, and with that, he was gone down the hall. Kasimira’s attendant paused long enough for her to watch him, but after a few seconds, Kasimira was ready to go.

     “Alright. Let’s get a move on,” she said. As her attendant turned, Kasimira smiled and added, “I’ve got some soldier types to heckle.”

 

It was 11:09 when Clarus finally appeared in their suite. He looked tired and tense and as if he was going to pass out if it got within five feet of the bed. Kasimira looked up from her phone and shot him a sympathetic look.

     “How’d it go?” she asked as he wandered into the bathroom.

He groaned and disappeared out of her sight. She laughed gently before looking back down to the house listing once again. Five bedrooms was excessive, but she was sure they could use it for something. A training room? Something for the baby? One bedroom and four offices. She laughed to herself. Ah. What a ridiculous thought.

Clarus appeared at her side while she wasn’t paying attention, and she almost startled. He slid down until he was level with her stomach. He gently stroked over it.

     “We’re deciding what to do with the Crownsguard,” he said.

     “Oh?” she frowned. “Is that… is that bad thing? Deciding how?”

     “That’s the tricky thing. We’ve been trying to figure out how to make it more... effective. With everything going on, we’re wondering how to split or unite our forces. We’re thinking about shifting a certain group into an elite task force or something similar. We’ve had them before, years ago, but—” He sighed through his nose. “It’s complicated.”

     “Sounds like it.”

Kasimira reached out to place a hand on Clarus’ head. He relaxed slightly. She brought her hand lower and scratched behind his ear. He let out a long groan and settled closer to her. She couldn’t help but smile a bit.

     “The long and short of it is that’s where we are right now. With my mother being head of the Crownsguard, we’re waiting for her to return so she can give her opinions on the matter.”

     She hummed and nodded gently. “Don’t think about it now though,” she said encouragingly. As he started to relax, Kasimira tugged on his ear, and he looked up towards her. “Payback. Telling me about this elite fighting force, and I can hardly get out of bed.”

     He chuckled and moved a hand to her thigh. He started to relax again. “Sorry about that.”

     “Make it up to me by listening to this.”

She explained to him her thoughts about moving out of the Citadel. Introducing the idea wasn’t too difficult, but trying to full express her train of thought, strangely, was. He was the one element she couldn’t one hundred percent account for. How would be able to come live with them? Him being with King was the most important thing. She didn’t want to take that away from him. It was _literally_ his legacy.

But in spite of this worry, she managed to get out her thoughts pretty well. Clarus listened silently. His eyes were slightly open, and she couldn’t tell what he was thinking. When she was finished, they maintained the quiet for a while, but when she couldn’t take it anymore, she tugged his ear again.

     “Well?”

     “Well,” he started, “I think it’s a good idea.”

     “But?”

     “My schedule.”

     Kasimira drew in a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah… I was hoping you’d help me figure that out a bit.”

     He didn’t respond immediately, but then he pulled away from her to stare at her phone. “I assume you’ve picked a few houses already.”

     “Just one,” she said. She held her phone out to him. “Check it.”

Clarus took the phone and then pulled himself up to lean against the headboard next to her. He stared at the pictures, sweeping through with a silent nod of approval. He scrolled down to read about the details of the house. His brows went up and then settled back down. He must have read about the bedrooms.

     “But three bathrooms,” she said in a singsong voice.

     “Ah,” he said with a smirk. He scrolled back up. “Two and a half baths, actually.”

     She rolled her eyes. “Semantics.”

     He stayed quiet before lowering her phone down to his lap. “When do you want to go see it?”

     “When you have time. I want to make this decision with you, but… That could be complicated.”

     “Yeah…” he said thoughtfully, but he pushed whatever thought he had out of his mind. “I’ll come up with something.”

     She smiled. “You always do.” She hesitated before reaching over and placed a hand over his. “Thank you, Claire. I know I… haven’t really been useful since I moved in here.”

     He made a face before looking over towards her. “What makes you think that?”

    “There’s just not much I can do for you, you know, now that I’m _temporarily_ out of the Crownsguard. The Amicitias have an important role, and even my mother has taken over our little industry.” And she was happy for it. They had come a long way.

    “You’re not giving yourself enough credit,” he said. “Just because you’ve been tossed around in training doesn’t mean you’re useless.”

     She snorted and shoved him. “Hey, I beat you plenty of times. Even your parents are proud.”

     “They are… I am too.” They held each other’s gaze, and then Clarus handed her back her phone. “You’re just worrying a lot. That’s okay. If you were useless, we wouldn’t have worked out at all, I don’t think.”

     “Yeah,” she said softly. “That’s fair.” She sighed. “I’m just worried about the future.”

     “That’s fair,” he repeated, none too subtly imitating her.

She nudged him again before reaching over to place her phone on the side table. Clarus helped ease her down onto her back before getting up to finish preparing for bed. By the time the light went off, Kasimira was still awake staring at the ceiling. He was right. She was just worrying but not needlessly.

This was a life that she was forging. She never felt a reason to stay before. No one place felt like home, but the kingdom of Lucis welcomed her. Insomnia became a place that she would gladly spend the rest of her life in. How did that happen.

She turned her head slightly and stared at Clarus’ sleeping face.

Right… But she didn’t regret this decision. Not even a little bit. She just felt as if she was making it up as she went along. She reached out to touch Clarus’ face. She stroked a thumb over his lips, and he opened his eyes to stare at her. Even in the dark, his amber eyes were piercing. She searched his eyes for something, maybe for some reassurance, some hope, some strength. He let his eyes fall closed before turning his head to kiss her palm.

Maybe that was it. Him just being here was more than enough. She was overthinking things actually, and that wasn’t exactly her expertise. She drew her hand away and tried to fall asleep. No matter what she decided, she wasn’t doing it alone.

 

The smell of food in the air made Kasimira’s mouth water. She could guess which dishes were being cooked based on the spices alone, but her mother had a funny way of surprising her. Kasimira had her feet propped up on the coffee table with a pillow tucked under them. Her eyes were closed, and her head was shaking slightly side to side slightly as Clarus toyed with her hair.

     “What’d I say about you getting a haircut?”

     “Babe, that was ages ago,” Kasimira countered.

     “And yet, you never did it.”

     “I did.” She scowled, opening her eyes to weakly glare in his direction from the corner of her eyes. “It just grows back fast.”

     “Incredibly.”

     “What, you don’t like my freebird look?” she asked closing her eyes again. She smirked. “Or do you want be to have a close shave like you so we match?”

His hands slid over to her forehead, fingers barely threading together. He gently coaxed her head back. Kasimira opened her eyes to stare at him. Clarus hummed.

     “Wouldn’t look too bad. Your eyebrows are bold enough to take away any attention.”

     She snorted a laugh and smacked his wrist. “Come off it.”

He doubled over to press a kiss to her lips. He drew his hands back and let her sit upright again. Without much ado, he swept her hair up into a ponytail behind her head. He lowered his hands down to her shoulders, massaging there briefly.

     “I’ve to head back to the Citadel.”

     She sighed heavily. “I know.” She glanced up at him. “Give Regis my best?”

     “I will.” Clarus drew his hands back and turned towards Ilse. “Mutti. I’m off.”

     “Are you?” Ilse looked back to him and waved him off. “Will you be needing anything?”

     “No, no. If I eat your food now, I’m going to get too comfortable, and I’ll want to stay.”

     “Maybe that’s the plan.” Ilse shifted her gaze down and locked gazes with her daughter. She winked, and Kasimira laughed.

     Clarus did as well but began towards the door. “I’ll be seeing you both soon.”

     “You had better!” Kasimira called out. When the doors closed, she sighed heavily and slouched against the couch.

She took a moment to look around the living room. The living room for her home. _Their_ home. She couldn’t believe it. This was it. It took… a long, long time, but everything felt like it led to this. Every moment, every choice, every bit of pain, every smile led to this: the first step towards the rest of her life.

And by the Astrals, it felt amazing...


	11. Our Mission...

Being pregnant was… by the Six, it was the most uneventful thing she had ever been through. There was so much she couldn’t do. She needed help putting on her damn shoes, and even walking short distances tired her out, for fuck’s sake. It was frustrating. She was used to being out and about, but she was doing her best to hide her disappointment. 

Her attention drifted a lot while during her term. She found herself dipping into old business, and oftentimes she texted a couple of her Crownsguard peeps just to see what the gang was getting into. And once she started, it was admittedly hard for her to stop.

One day while Ilse was resting on the couch in the family room, Kasimira waddled in to ask what she wanted for dinner. Ilse shifted on the couch and muttered something in her sleep. Kasimira laughed to herself and walked over to one of the couches to sit. The television was on, and Ilse had been using the picture-in-picture function. The news was taking up the main screen, and there was an old black-and-white slapstick comedy playing in a square on the bottom right. The coffee table was littered with different dossiers and maps. There were a large empty mug closest to Ilse. Kasimira sighed through parted lips.

 _‘Just like old times,’_ she thought. Out of curiosity, she reached out to grab a few of the papers. It was hard doing, but she managed to grab a couple handfuls. She sat back with a groan and set the papers off to her side before going through them. At first, everything seemed normal: just a few reports as to how certain families were doing, activity in certain locations, and other standard pieces of information. As she went on though, the information became harder to follow.

Certain areas were reporting odd activity — a lot of movement from people trying to leave or enter. Regular shipments of supplies were suddenly called for a stop with no information as to where they should go instead. Increased demands for bus and train tickets from—

Kasimira squinted her eyes and drew the paper closer to her face. Is she reading that right?

     Ilse gave a groan and stirred from her position on the couch. She was silent for a bit as she slowly and fully came to. When she did: “Kasi? When’d you get here?”

     “Not too long ago,” Kasimira answered mildly, though she wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting here. “Ma, what is this? I’m looking at your files, and the people near Tenebrae and Cartanica are trying to get out. Like out-out. Like _now_ -out.” She set the papers down and frowned at her mother. “Don’t we have emergency measures in place for high risk areas?”

     “We do,” Ilse muttered. She huffed a little before yawning.

     Kasimira turned her frown down to the papers she held. “Sorry, Ma.”

     “No, no. I needed to get up anyway.” Ilse stood, walked over to Kasimira, and took up the papers next to her daughter. She sat down in their place and went through them quietly. “There’s a lot of confusion around that territory. We have people working there covertly, but their reports are coming back with conflicting reports. Like... “ Ilse searched the table before grabbing a paper with a blue tab stuck to it.

     “Here’s Jeremiah’s report,” she continued, handing it over to Kasimira. “That was from three weeks ago.” She gave her daughter a moment to read it before pointing to the paper in Kasimira’s right hand. “And that papers for three nights ago.”

The first report was a very in-depth analysis of the area, how risky it would be to send any refugee by bus or train and how important it was for them to send supplies in small bundles, preferably mixed in with other shipments. There was an attached page talking numbers and where it would be ideal to move the group dispersing them. The second report was almost clinical. They were timestamped reports as to who left and entered the area; names, dates of births, and citizen identification in pristine lists.

Reading it made Kasimira uneasy. There was something about it that was just too neat, too removed from their mission. It was like keeping tabs of which pigs were sent to the slaughter. She felt a chill pass over her and pushed the thoughts and papers away before she made herself sick. Maybe she was just thinking too hard. She hurriedly gave the reports to Ilse, who took them without comment.

     “It’s unsettling,” she agreed quietly. She stacked the papers and scooted to the edge of the couch. She began arranging her work. “I wanted to put together a theory before I called the alarms.”

     Kasimira watched silently. She almost hated to ask; she almost didn’t _want_ to ask, but then she opened her mouth: “Are there any other reports like that one.”

     “A few that I’ve seen. Here are the ones from Esavius and Cassia. Here.”

Ilse handed over two stapled stacks of paper. Kasimira took them with a mutter of thanks. She skimmed through them and picked up the same patterns. There would be a detailed report about certain requirements in the area followed by a standard breakdown, and then there would an all too cold report filed not too long after. The statistics were replaced with citizen names and personal info. Kasimira got that cold feeling again.

     “Call Aurora,” she said in a whisper. “And get me the phone so I can call Clarus, please.”

Ilse got up immediately and went to grab the portable house phone, which was charging on the corner table. She grabbed her cell phone from where it was resting as well. She handed the house phone to Kasimira soon after.

     “Ask Aurora about missing agents or if any citizens have suddenly disappeared from the area,” Kasimira instructed as she immediately began dialing Clarus’ number. “I want to have the benefit of the doubt and think that they’re sending us a message.”

     “But?” Ilse prodded.

     Kasimira brought her phone up to her ear. “But… I can’t be sure who ‘they’ is supposed to be in this situation,” she said tightly.

Ilse nodded and stepped out of the room to make her call. Kasimira laid her free hand on her stomach and sat back against the couch. She stared up at the ceiling as her thoughts ran wild.

_“You’ve reached Clarus Amicitia. Leave a message and—”_

Kasimira hung up. She didn’t have time to leave a message. She rummaged through her mental phone book, trying to remember Fera’s number. She dialed it while saying the numbers out loud to herself. The phone ringing sent her nerves on fire, and when someone picked up, there still wasn’t any relief to be found.

_“This is Amaryllis.”_

     “I—” Kasimira stopped talking in confusion. “I thought I was dialing Fera.”

_“Six-five-two-eight.”_

     “ _Two_ -eight. Not eight-tw— Dad.” She caught herself before she got caught up in nonsense. “I’m having a bit of an emergency. Not a baby emergency, but an outreach emergency. I tried calling Clarus, but he’s busy.”

_“What’s wrong.”_

She began explaining the situation in the clearest terms she could. She ran her free hand through her hair as she discussed it, and when she was done, Amaryllis gave a deep hum.

_“I’ll bring this up with the council. And you’ve the papers with you?”_

     “We can run you copies,” she said firmly. “And we’ll have to be in attendance when you talk to everyone.”

 _“Understandably.”_ A pause. _“This isn’t causing any undue stress on you, is it?”_

     “It’s stress but not undue. I can safely say I made this bed, dipping my nose where it doesn’t belong.”

     A huff. Did he just laugh at her? _“I’ll be sure to make note of what you told me and run it by Fera. We can probably schedule something as soon as tomorrow, but it won’t be until the afternoon.”_

     “Great. That’s fine.” She let out a deep sigh. “...Thanks.”

_“Thank you for catching it. If there’s anything illicit in the area, we should be able to catch it.”_

     “We will,” she said certainly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Tomorrow came. And then another day, and another day. It was a mix of discussions and meetings. The King was dragged into it, and the outrage brewed with most of the council. A lot of speculation about what Niflheim _might_ have been doing. The talks escalated to such a point that they even ended up calling Cor Leonis to get his opinion on the matter.

In the end, they decided to use Ilse and Kasimira’s intelligence and Fera’s Crownsguard forces. A select number from Cor’s fleet would go, and Fera would hand select those most trustworthy from her line to join her. The plan seemed foolproof. Buth Clarus and Regis even verbally signed off on it. It would be a reconnaissance mission, and maybe even search and rescue if it came down to that.

When it came down to the day of deployment, Kasimira felt sick with nerves.

     “Clarus,” Fera said. She turned around and faced her son. “You’ll be acting Head of the Crownsguard. It’s time you take the mantle, and should things be favourable when I return, you’ll be granted the title officially.”

     Clarus bowed his head slightly. “Everything’ll run as you left it.”

Fera nodded and then met eyes with Kasimira, who waited for _something_. Not praise, not gratitude. Something else, something far colder, but Fera was warm, even with her serious gaze.

     “We’ll be reporting in regularly, so keep an eye on your channels.”

     “I look forward to it. I’ll let my mother know.”

Another nod, and Fera turned away. She gave the command for her group to board the trucks, and soon, they were heading off. Kasimira and the others watched as the reconnaissance team left, but Kasimira’s eyes widened. That _something_ she waited for sank down to her stomach and made her guts feel heavy.

Dread itself was stepping on her insides, leaving her sick and uneasy, and as she watched the trucks head towards the distance, she felt as if the other shoe had just dropped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "...My Instinct."
> 
> \-----
> 
> I'll admit that this chapter came pretty last minute. I thought of this idea right as I got home from work, and I knew that I had to add it in there. So sorry if there are a bit more errors than usual in this one. This is a complete game changer for the rest of the story. We're almost done by the way. Wow! Can you believe it?
> 
> Thanks for coming on this journey with me. I can't wait to reveal more creative things about the story on my [pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/Megane).


	12. Our Bravado

     “Are you sure you want to do this now?”

     Kasimira made a face before sighing through her nose. “I’ve had nothing but time to think about this,” she said in a tired breath. “I finally got the baby to stop crying and go to sleep, so I think this might be the only time I  _ can _ do this.”

Kasimira’s hair was pulled up into a topknot, which showed off her undercut’s nice, clean fade. Tridais tipped her head to the right side, their sleek teal gloves sliding against her temple. Kasimira stared straight ahead at the opposite wall.

     “Sure you don’t wanna get the little guy’s ears pierced as well?”

     “His dad would kill me I’m sure. What a horrible surprise to give him.” Kasimira huffed a laugh, just barely shaking her head. “Nah, I’ll just wait until he’s older and see if he even wants them.”

     “Fair idea.”

Tridais turned to his right and began setting up his supplies. Kasimira blinked and looked over to her son. Gladiolus was sleeping on his stomach on the adjacent couch. A part of her was worried that he was going to wake up again any moment, but from the soft, sleepy coo he let out, she figured that he was going to be out for a while. Good. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she needed to stay in place.

Soon, she felt Tridais’ warmth against the back of her neck. She focused on the wall in front of her again.

     “Ready?” they asked.

     “Yeah,” she said quietly.

Tridais worked on her earlobes first. Kasimira couldn’t remember the last time she had worn earrings, but she was glad that the holes hadn’t closed up completely. Unfortunately, that still meant that Tridais had to work them open again. The pain was brief, negligible, but her right eye still winced.

     “Whitestone, right?”

     “Right,” she confirmed.

Soon after, she felt the more subtle weight of the earrings being placed into her lobes. She reached up to touch the multifaceted face of the simple stud. If she thought of something more befitting of her, she would definitely switch them out later, but for now, they served their purpose.

     “And one more pair,” Tridais said breezily.

     “I’m ready.”

Tridais messed with their supplies behind her, and she didn’t turn her head to look. It was another moment before she felt their needle press into her cartilage. It didn’t hurt, not really, but she still took in a steady breath through her nose. She let it out steadily when the small golden studs were added in. She turned her head left and right. Even though there was no real difference, she felt the subtle weight in her ears. 

     She heard Tridais remove their gloves. “Thanks for this,” she said.

     “It’s no problem. I’d do more house calls if people had cribs as nice as yours,” Tridais replied as they fetched a large compact out of their bag. They opened it up and showed the mirror to Kasimira.

She took it and began looking at the new additions to her body. Right now, they were just simple things, and she debated as to whether or not she would get more ostentatious piercings in the future. So long as they didn’t get caught in her hair or anything, she guessed there would be no harm. That was something she’d just have to think about.

     She lowered the compact down and closed it as she looked over to her baby. “The things I do for you,” she said gently.

     Tridais laughed. “And he doesn’t even know it.”

     Kasimira’s smile widened a bit, and she turned more to face her friend. She held out the compact to them. “Thanks, man.”

     “Hey, no problem. Anything for a friend.” Tridais glanced over to the baby. “You know, he’s cute. He looks just like you.”

     Kasimira sighed wistfully. “If only he got my eyes, then he’d be my little clone.” She laughed then, looking over her shoulder towards him as well. “But I guess I have to let his father have  _ something. _ ”

     Tridais gave a tilted smile. “Can’t go hogging all the genes, Kas.”

They then turned their attention back to their supplies, and Kasimira stood up. She stretched her arms and legs with a groan. Tridais gave her the basic rundown on how to take care of her piercings. She didn’t think that she really needed the info, but it was good to have, at least. A professional courtesy.

     She walked over to Gladiolus, squatted down, and ran her hand down his back. He yawned wide and pressed his face against the couch. She huffed a laugh and turned his head properly. “Don’t smother yourself, little guy.”

     “So, what’s the plan now? Want to make arrangements for the next one, or should I head on my way?”

     “I think I’m good for now, but…” She looked over to Tridais. “Think I could bother you for a favour?”

     “What’s up?”

     “I wanted to head back to the Citadel and need a ride.”

     “I’ve room, but I don’t have any seats or anything for the baby.”

     “He’s a little thing.” Kasimira focused on her son. “But I can take care of that, no problem.”

     Tridais gave it a moment’s thought before sweeping a hand towards themself. “Then, yeah. I can give you a ride, no problem.”

     “Thanks, Tree. Lemme get the baby’s stuff and your cash.”

Kasimira stood up carefully. Even though she bounced back pretty well from having Gladiolus, she was still feeling a bit off-balance sometimes. Tridais jerked to attention and then made a motion as if they were about to hurry around the couch to catch her. She looked up at them and snorted a laugh.

     “I’m not fragile,” she said with a smirk.

     “I know,” Tridais said immediately. They relaxed. “But you’re a new mother.”

     “And I think that makes me unstoppable now. My pain and general life tolerance has quintupled now, so I’ve earned a few toppling overs if I say so myself.”

     Tridais let out a shocked laugh before placing their hands on the back of the couch. “Please don’t.”

     “Just watch me.” She winked as she leaned down to pick up Gladiolus. « Come on, baby. »

     The movement made the baby fuss as he slowly started waking up, but she shushed him and began rubbing his back.  _ ‘Always the little handful,’ _ she thought fondly.  _ ‘Alright, let’s get your things.’ _

She exited the family room. Tridais followed behind her. They set their travel case on the kitchen counter and busied themself on their phone while Kasimira went to put together Gladiolus’ baby bag. It didn’t take her long to mill about and get what she needed. She didn’t have everything down to an exact science yet, but she was finding her rhythm. She needed to get out with the baby more.

Once everything was gathered, she exited the house with Tridais leading the way. She locked up, and by the Six, she had some juggling to do. Locking the house up wasn’t much of a problem, but she wanted to trade the keys for her phone, and balancing the baby while also trying to dig through his bag  _ for _ her phone wasn’t exactly ideal. She wanted until she was in the car before she dialed her mother.

Who was busy — of course. She was still technically in charge of things, and the thought almost made Kasimira wish she would take a protégée already. Almost. As much as she would have loved for her mother to kick back and retire in peace, but with the way things were going in Niflheim and Duscae and a couple of other places, she didn’t hold her breath. Kasimira rubbed Gladiolus’ back. She was just glad, at least, that she could snatch some peace away for herself in all of this.

     Ilse didn’t pick up the phone, but Kasimira left a message for her anyway: « Going to the Citadel. Meet me there when you’re finished. » After a pause, she added, « And bring a turnover for the baby. »

With that done, she nodded to Tridais, who smoothly backed out of the driveway. As they began down the road towards the Citadel, Kasimira felt her phone vibrate in her hand. She checked the text message.

_      See u there :) _ Ilse replied with a little emoji for an apple.

 

Being in the training facility again felt like a breath of fresh air. She felt as if she hadn’t seen it in years, even though little had changed. Amaryllis stood proudly before the troup with his hands behind his back. Though Clarus was the acting head of the Crownsguard, Amaryllis had chosen to instate myself as Advising Commander. It was a befitting title to go with the many he already impressively held.

Kasimira stood next to Amaryllis with Gladiolus in her arms. He was far more attentive now, looking around the well lit facility and staring wide eyed at the pillars. Kasimira smirked at the Crownsguard. 

     “This is going to be your new Captain, kids. Better be polite.”

The Crownsguard chucked, even the captain who stood behind the large group with his arms crossed. A few of the guard shared looks with each other. Amaryllis tried to hide his smile, but Kasimira wasn’t fooled. She glanced to her father-in-law, but then her attention snapped to Gladiolus when he jerked in her arms towards Amaryllis. Someone barked out a laugh.

     “Look at him!” cried someone with a familiar accent. “Trying to become Commander himself.”

     “ _ Advising _ Commander,” the captain teased good-naturedly.

At this, Amaryllis chuckled, and he closed the space between him and Kasimira. He brought up a loosely curled hand towards Gladiolus, who grabbed into his index finger. The baby immediately tried to bite it, but he only succeeded in drooling mostly on his small fist.

     Kasimira snorted a laugh. “Sorry about him,” she said, reaching up to wipe at the baby’s mouth.

     “Well, as my first grandchild and as the Commander’s successor, I believe I can give a pass.”

     “So soft-hearted,” she replied with a purr in her voice. “All the men in this family are so sweet.” To the Crownsguard, she said, “But the ladies are vicious. So don’t screw up!”

     “Hey, we’ve trained with Fera. We know how it goes.”

     “Ha! No kidding, right?”

Joking came easy to her, but hearing Fera’s name made Kasimira’s chest tight with guilt. She wasn’t one to feel guilt or regret, but something about sending Fera off on this mission made her ill at ease. Even though Fera agreed, even though there had been numerous discussions, even though they ran down all possible avenues of failure — even through that and more, Kasimira couldn’t help but feel guilty. It had been such a long time since anyone heard anything from the task force. One, maybe two months… It was distracting thinking about the myriad of things that could go wrong. Sure, there were a million and one things they had to do there, but  _ someone _ could have reported in. She just would half preferred for it to be Fera.

She was so distracted in her thoughts that she barely registered the world around her. The captain began railing off drills, and Kasimira snapped back to attention. Amaryllis eyed her warily, and then he led her off to the side as the Crownsguard began their training. When they were alone, he drew his finger away from Gladiolus, who cooed and focused his attention up to the ceiling.

     “How are you?” “How is everything?” Their voices overlapped at once, and they stared at each other for a few seconds. Amaryllis made a motion for her to talk first, and Kasimira tried again.

     “How is everything? Honestly?”

     Amaryllis looked contemplative. “We’re adjusting still. There are still so many things to learn; being here, I can see the different potential that everyone has. Things have been difficult — for us and His Majesty.”

     “Right.”

     “But we’re managing,” Amaryllis emphasised calmly. “We’ll survive this hurdle.”

     “If there’s anything I can do though…”

     “You and Ilse have been priceless time and time again. I know you’re eager to do more, but for now, what we have is enough.”

As much as she wanted to contend with that, she knew he was right. She couldn’t even imagine what more they could do without spreading their forces thin all over the continent. And that wouldn’t help anyone.

     Amaryllis focused on her. “And how are you?”

     “I’m well,” she said with a smile. “I’m really busy with someone here.” She looked at Gladiolus with a little smirk. “But… I’m also a little restless. It’s weird being in a place where it feels like so much is happening around me.” She adjusted the baby in her left arm to gesture with her right hand. “I’m in the eye of the storm, and I’m anxious. I feel a little bad for it.”

     Amaryllis placed his hands behind his back. “It’s in your nature,” he said plainly. “I understand why you’d want to stick your hands into everything. But I can assure you that, if we need you, we’ll call on you.”

     “You better,” she said with a soft laugh. “Might be nice to work every once in a while.” She then switched the topic to, “How’s Regis doing?”

     Amaryllis looked over to the training Crownsguard before lowering his voice. “Depends on the day, honestly. Sometimes, he’s doing perfectly fine, and other times, he’s not at his best.”

     “That’s a very polite way for saying ‘awful.’”

     “I don’t want to incite panic or worry.”

     “I know, I know.” Kasimira sighed gently. “I just…” She couldn’t finish her train of thought, so she let it go. “And Clarus?”

     “He’s taken to his duties splendidly with a singular focus, but even I’m worried as to what that means.” He took in a deep breath. “He’s doing us all proud.”

     “I’m sure he is. Can I see them if they’re not busy?”

     Amaryllis brought his arms forward and pulled his sleeve back to check his watch. “...They should be available for a brief window of time.”

     “A small window of time’s all I need.”

     Amaryllis’ lips twitched with the slightest smile, but it was gone as quickly as it came. “Kasimira.”

     “Yessir?”

     “If it’s possible, try to avoid the subject of the Niflheim mission. I know you’re curious about progress, but it’s been… a subject of much contention for us here at the Citadel.”

     “I’m a master of tact,” she said with a smile, “but thanks for the heads up. I guess that just means you’re the one I’ll have to beg to let me back into the Crownsguard in a few years.”

     “If some time has passed and there’s not a new addition to the family, then we’ll gladly have you back.”

     Kasimira smiled brightly. “I’m holding you to that. Now, let me get out of your hair.”

Amaryllis nodded and escorted out of the training facility. She grabbed the baby bag on the way out. Gladiolus leaned against her shoulder and gripped tightly onto her shirt. She glanced over to him and saw him staring back at the others.

     “Wanna be a Crownsguard too, little man? Maybe in the future,” she said sweetly. “You’re just too wittle now.”

     “He’s just like you,” Amaryllis said sagely.

     Kasimira laughed. “And what does that mean?”

She looked over to him. Amaryllis side glanced over to her, and even though his expression was controlled, she could see the good humour in his eyes. When she was out, she said her goodbyes, even using Gladiolus’ little hand to wave at his grandfather. Amaryllis gave a small flick of his wrist as he waved back. They parted ways afterward.

Walking through the Citadel felt like a treat. It was a dose of nostalgia that made her feel warm and grateful and sad and all sorts of other things.. She was partway through mentally waxing poetics when a member of the Crownsguard stationed in the hall passed by and noticed her.

     “Lady Kasimira.”

     “Kas is fine,” she said with a slight sweep of her hand. “Is the King in?”

     “Right this way.” The Crownsguard clicked his heels together and then spun around to lead her further down the hall. “He should be finishing a meeting.”

     “Poor soul,” she muttered. “Always in a meeting.”

She didn’t mind meetings herself, but she knew that it was a whole different game when it came to the King’s duties. She didn’t envy Regis a bit, but she felt sympathy for him. She could only imagine what it felt like being in a meeting that determined the immense impact one would have on the world. Hesitation. Her mind flicked back to the initial meeting about Niflheim. Did that count…? She tensed her jaw when she realised it probably did. She pushed the thought out of her mind uneasily.

Gladiolus began to cry as they approached the elevator, and Kasimira rolled her eyes. She raised her baby up to eye level. 

     “Are you sleepy? Are you pooping?” After taking a second to check, she looked at Gladiolus’ crying face. “Do you miss Papa? Ooh, poor tater tot.” She brought him against her shoulder and rubbed his back in circles. “I miss your Papa too.”

The grounds floor Crownsguard bowed to her and signaled for her to disembark without him. As soon as she walked out, the guard gave out an order, and another took his place escorting her. Even though this was the exact thing she had more or less run away from, it felt nice right now being treated so… royally. She tried to convince herself she didn’t miss it very much.

They approached a set of massive,  _ truly _ massive, ornate doors. Kasimira felt in awe of the ornate etchings and engravings across the front. Two stationed guards pushed open the doors, and Kasimira’s escort stepped off to the side. She entered alone. Gladiolus was whimpering and fussing against her shoulder. She shushed him gently as her eyes went high to the throne room ceiling.

Honestly, what a beautiful place. It was pretty quiet here, though, pointedly bereft, and Gladiolus’ noises echoed as they walked along. He turned his head and pressed his mouth to Kasimira’s shoulder. She groaned when he started drooling. She should have figured that would happen soon.

     “Troublemaker,” she muttered, sliding a hand up to ruffle his fine hair. “You’re lucky you’re so cute.”

She looked forward again and smiled up at the young King on his temporary throne. The stairs leading up to his throne had two levels. He was sitting on the first in a high back chair of a dark blue, almost black material. The soft cushion of his chair was rich, dark red with soft gold grooves separating the cushion and the back of the chair. Clarus turned more to face Kasimira, who whispered “There’s your Dad” in his ear.

     “Kasi,” Clarus greeted when she climbed up the stairs. His tone was warm, but his face was like stone. He relaxed, though, as she approached.

     “Claire.” She looked over to Regis as she stopped in front of Clarus. “How’s His Majesty?” she asked as Gladiolus was lifted out of her arms. She looked to Clarus before reaching into her bag to take a small towel out. “Be careful. He’s drooling.”

     “Kas,” Regis greeted. He sighed gently as he started to stand up. He used a cane to balance himself as he took a couple of steps towards her. “Look at that little guy… Can’t believe I’m seeing him up close.”

She looked at the cane, and her mind raced with what Amaryllis told her. She reeled it in almost immediately and turned her attention to the more neutral topic.

     “That’s him. We  _ call _ him Gladiolus, but I’m thinking about changing his name to ‘Troublemaker.’”

     “So, he’ll take after you then?” Regis teased.

     Kasimira smiled brightly and moved in to give him a one armed hug. “Aah, I missed your wit.”

     “Your presence is missed around here too, but we both know you’re where you need to be.”

     “Just give me a couple of years, and I’ll…” She trailed off and then huffed a laugh. She placed her hand on Regis’ shoulder as she drew back. “I’ll be all over this crystal palace with my little sidekick in tow.”

     “Oh, yes. I can’t wait for him to start walking,” Clarus grumbled, shaking his head at the idea.

     “I’ll make sure he follows you everywhere.” Kasimira slid over to him and began tugging on his robe. “Yelling ‘Papa~ Papa~!’ before running off to break something.”

     Clarus raised his brows. “You seem confident about that.”

     “I might have a gauge for just how much trouble he might be.” She pulled her hands away and held them behind her back. She started walking backwards until her palms found the cool railing. “So, what’s the damage? Have you decided to make me heir to the throne yet?”

     “We were debating it,” Regis said, “but we don’t think Lucis is ready for an iron fist ruling just yet.”

     “Shoot.” Kasimira snapped her fingers. “Foiled again.”

     “Maybe next time.”

She and Regis shared a bright smile. Clarus was slowly taking steps away from the pair as they talked. Kasimira drummed her fingers against the underside of the railing.

     “How’s Vespera?”

     Regis sighed through his nose. He ducked his head and tapped his cane thoughtfully. “She’s sleeping a lot lately, but it’s possible she’s feeling under the weather.”

     Kasimira frowned a little. “Is there any way I can help, or?”

     “Oh, no! No. Don’t fret.” Just like that, Regis bounced back and reached out to pat Kasimira’s arm with his free hand. “She’s always had a delicate constitution, but she’s braved better and worse, but thank you.” He smiled a bit. “I appreciate the concern.”

     “Anything for Your Majesties,” Kasimira said with her fair share of dramatics. Anything to keep the mood light. “Just take care of each other.”

     “Funny. I was going to say the same to you, my friend.”

Kasimira pushed off the railing and went for a lug. She kept her hold gentle, but Regis immediately squeezed his arm around her while her guard was down. Kasimira groaned in surprise.

     “I’m not fragile, Kas,” Regis said as they pulled away. “Just tired.”

     “Of course you’re not.” She placed a hand on her hip and flexed her right arm. “I’m just too strong.”

     Regis laughed out loud. “Ah! That’s right. Thank you for your mercy.”

She grinned and patted him on the back. They walked over to Clarus, who was enjoying his company with Gladiolus. Seeing the two approached, he switched the towel and the baby to his other shoulder, so Regis could get a better look.

     “Where’s your mother?” Clarus asked Kasimira.

     “She’s off having breakfast. Though, I’m almost positive that means she’s having a business meeting.” Kasimira shrugged. “I just can’t prove it.”

     “Any idea what she might be getting into?”

     Kasimira didn’t need Amaryllis’ phantom voice to convince her to dodge the subject. “Oh, she’s in so many bits and bobs. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was planning to build a club here in the city.”

     “A club?” Regis laughed.

     “She’s always getting into something, looking for new heights to climb and all that.”

     “Truly inspiring,” Clarus said flatly. He looked to Gladiolus.  “I’ll shift my schedule around, so I can come home tonight.” He then looked over to Regis. “If that’s alright with you, of course.”

     “It’s fine. I think we’re starting to fill this castle with more guards than regular people at this point.” Reglis looked between the two of them. “If I can grant you your time together, it would be a pleasure.”

     “Awww, Regis.” Kasimira reached out to take the baby again. “Hear that, Gladdy? You’ve got yourself such a generous godfather.”

     “One of a few,” Clarus added. “We’re already spoiling him.”

     “Yeah, for now. With our families, we’ll whip him into shape in no time, you know. Might as well soften the blow while we can.”

In response, Clarus gave her a grunt that she could only translate as “I guess.” She huffed a laugh in response and leaned up to give him a kiss.

     “All right. I’ll leave you to it.”

     “Do you need any help?” Regis asked.

     “No, I’ve got it. I’m going to wait for Ma somewhere downstairs in the meantime. Might sit in the gardens.”

     “It’ll be nice.”

The three of them walked down the curved stairs together and slowly exited the throne room. They briefly exchanged plans as they continued down the hall, but soon, they went their separate ways. Kasimira waved Gladiolus’ small hand towards Regis and Clarus before entering into the elevator. She had a small entourage with her as she headed into the garden to sit down. She felt like she had her own retinue.

Kasimira felt like a royal badass. She settled down in a chair and dropped Gladiolus’ bag next to her. She cradled her firstborn in her arms and watched as he slowly started to drift off to sleep. She laughed.

     “Oh,  _ now _ you want to settle down,” she teased, but her playful ribbing was far gone on her dozing infant. She reached up to brush his hair aside. “Ah, I understand. You just feel calmer after seeing your Vati.” She looked at her bag and went fishing for her phone. “Me too, baby.”

She pulled up something to read, and when she started to watch videos, she had to turn the volume most of the way down. By the time Ilse came around to pick them up, Kasimira had long fallen asleep on the couch with Gladiolus held securely in her arms.


	13. Your Loss

_      “...clouds moving in over the Duscae border. Expect rain moving in from this area over the weekend. If you’re headed to Galdin Quay, remember to keep this mind before traveling or fishing. Back to you.”  _

_      “Alright. Next up, a man who claims he can communicate with dogs…” _

Clarus reached over to lace his fingers with Kasimira’s. She stared at the television quietly before the corner of her lip curled up in a smile.     

“Dog whisperers put you in the mood?”

     Clarus snorted. “Hardly.”

     “You sure it’s okay for you to be here tonight?”

     “Father’s feeling restless, so he volunteered for standing watch tonight.” He rolled his jaw he ran his tongue over the back of his bottom row of teeth. “I’m just worried about him.”

     “It’s not like you to worry.” Kasimira looked over to him. “Must be serious.”

     He shook himself out of his thoughts. “Just to me,” he clarified. “It’s probably nothing.”

     She frowned softly. “Don’t close up on me, Claire.” She brought their hands up and kissed his curled fingers. “But I understand if you don’t want to think about it.”

     “Sorry. It’s just the meetings these days have been… well, less than optimistic. So, I just have my reservations.”

     “Mn. I understand that. If there’s anything I can do, let me know, okay?” She squeezed his hand.

     Clarus’ brows furrowed, and he looked over to her. “You’re doing more than enough. If you do anything else, I’m sure there wouldn’t be anything left for anyone else.”

     “Good. Maybe that means we can all relax.”

     “Don’t get any ideas.” He huffed a laugh and sank back in the couch.

Gladiolus slept quietly on the blanket to Kasimira’s right. His head was tucked against her thigh, and every now and again, he let out soft little noises. Kasimira looked down to check up on him. They had to turn the volume halfway to keep from waking him, but he seemed to be sleeping through the news just fine. She used her free hand to stroke over his head.

Just then, Clarus’ cell phone rang. He usually had different but subtle ringtones to help him distinguish between the people calling him. This one was a soft, general tone. She looked over to him as he answered.

     “This is Clarus.”

_      “Sir,” _ she heard a breathless voice say.  _ “I’m calling on behalf of the Marshal. Do you have time to talk?” _

     “Yes.”

     “You can go if you want,” Kasimira whispered to him. She heard the caller call out for someone on the other side of the phone.

     Clarus shook his head. “This is fine.” There was a shuffle on the phone, and he waited a moment before prompting, “Cor.”

_      “Clarus,” _ came the rough but tired greeting.

Kasimira couldn’t remember the last time she had seen Cor face-to-face. The most substantial thing that stuck out in her mind was the meeting, but that was months ago. She scrambled through her mind for time. Three… four months ago? Maybe more than that. She needed a damn calendar to keep track with things like this.

No, maybe not. The last thing she needed was her worries strewn out in plain ink, unavoidable.

_      “I’m sorry to call so late,” _ Cor began diplomatically.

     “It’s alright. If anything, it’s the best time. Things have been… hectic.” The pause Clarus gaze was thick enough to swallow—maybe even choke on.

Cor sighed into the phone. Kasimira’s heart jumped when Clarus gave her hand the smallest squeeze.

_      “I’ve news. About Fera.” _

Kasimira felt she shouldn’t listen; maybe she should have insisted he take some time to step away, handle the news on his own, but she couldn’t say anything. The silence she took earlier turned to cold, sickening dread. She found herself rooted to the couch, and almost buried guilt unearthed itself.

     “What about her?”

_      “She’s missing in action. The last report we received from her faction was just as cryptic as those Ilse and Kasimira had found before. We’ve sent reconnaissance to her last known location, and the findings haven’t been good.” _

     “Anything you can divulge?”

_      “Nothing I feel comfortable with saying at the moment. We’re putting our intelligence together, and I’ll be visiting the Citadel as soon as I can. We’ve already called this into the King. As things are, titles might be changing hands soon, and we’ll need another plan of action.” _

     “Understood.” Clarus’ jaw went tight for a second. Kasimira brushed her thumb over his hand. “Call me when you make arrangements to the Citadel.”

_      “We’ll talk soon.” _ Cor trailed off before he spoke again, so quietly Kasimira almost missed it.  _ “...Try to have a good night.” _

     “You as well, Cor. Thank you.”

He hung up, and Kasimira turned herself more to face him. She stroked her free hand against his forearm, staring at him. Fera was missing. How long has she been gone? When did they suspect? Kasimira almost hated to think about the follow up meeting that would happen. They’d need to discuss their next step. Cor would reveal all the intelligence he had, and it would be official. Fera was missing. Fera was  _ gone _ . Gone but not dead, Kasimira hope.  _ ‘Please not dead…’ _

     “You should head back,” she said gently. “I could call someone.”

Clarus looked at her then, and there was a steely resolve in his eyes. Whatever he felt, he was determined to keep it behind the internal wall he had cast up. His jaw was so tense; he was more than likely gritting his teeth. Kasimira smoothed her hand up from his jaw, stroking her fingers against his skin. The action seemed to soothe him marginally. At least his facial features relaxed.

     “I know how you feel,” she said sympathetically, firmly. “Go.”

He held her gaze. She cupped his face and stroked the curve of his cheek. There was the fine stubble under her skin, and with her hand set so gently against him, she felt him relax even further. He blinked before the inner walls could crumble. Clarus gave a curt nod. Kasimira removed her hand as he stood from the couch.

The news droned on into a feel good special, but it went completely ignored. Clarus went off to prepare for his trip back to the Citadel. Kasimira leaned back against the couch and folded her hands in her lap. She tried not to think too much about what this could all mean, about what was coming up ahead. She figured that Clarus’ mind was running wild with these thoughts and more. How he would bury himself in the world to snuff the pain. They all knew the risks, every single person, but the knowledge did nothing to dull the sting.

She felt a strong hand cup over her shoulder, and when she turned her head up to look at Clarus, he leaned down to press an equally firm kiss to her lips. The sudden passion left her breathless, but she accepted it.

     “Thank you for understanding,” he muttered when they drew away from each other. “I love you.”

     “I love you too, Claire.” She cupped his face. “Be safe.”

     “You too.”

He stepped over to the side and leaned down to stroke over Gladiolus’ back. With that, he was gone. She pushed the call out of her mind for now. There was no point in worrying too much. She’d just have to wait until she saw him again to figure out what was going on.

 

.

.

.

 

It was the earliest part of morning when the sun was blinking awake. Kasimira slept on her right side with one hand tucked under the pillow and the other stretched out in front of her. Her hand dangled over the edge of the bed.

There was a shift of weight on the bed behind her, and her groggy mind began to stir. The internal alarms were dulled by her grogginess, but a familiar groan calmed her down almost immediately. She felt the warmth of Clarus’ hand smooth across her hip. Kasimira groaned tiredly before settling in place. She shifted her outstretched arm to cup her hand over his.

     “Good morning,” she whispered, her voice soft and breaking.

     “Good night,” Clarus whispered as he tucked against her back.

She didn’t need to say or think anything else. She let all thoughts, all questions, all worries slip away under his embrace as the new morning spread over their sleeping little home.


	14. Our Distractions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively titled "Our Coping Behaviours".

It became an unspoken rule that they wouldn’t leave each other behind. Before, they left each other to their own devices, especially since Clarus’ day got so busy. But now? They texted little messages. Whenever Kasimira visited, she left little notes for him to find, and she was always pleased to notice that whenever Clarus was home, he did the same for her.

Time was both a mercy and a curse. It passed in a blur of activity. Clarus was officially decreed Head of Crownsguard, and he was received with somber celebration. Kasimira noticed that his demeanor changed as his duties increased, but she understood. She had been the exact same way after her father died. Even still, there was still a part of him that she couldn’t reach, that she couldn’t fully repair, and that was the hardest part to accept in all of this. That’s what made the notes and the texts so important.

In the flurry of change, Crownsguard routinely stopped by the house to check on Kasimira, Ilse, and the baby. Before, it wasn’t as common a courtesy. The Crownsguard stopped by as much as they were needed, which wasn’t very often, but now they stopped by with a predictable frequency. With these regular checks, Kasimira felt the true weight of the Amicitia name fall on her shoulders. This time, she didn’t run from it. She took the weight with grace. At some point, though, she’d have to visit Clarus at some point to thank him for the consideration and care.

Soon, even this became commonplace with her. The follow-up meetings about their Niflheim infiltration kept her busy, but it was stressful, tense. She needed something else to occupy her mind, to distract her from the pain and the burning guilt that ate away at her with every meeting. It would be best for her and ultimately best for Gladiolus.

Naturally and ultimately, the first thing her mind thought of was the Crownsguard. It was a subject she always playfully griped about not being a part of, even though she would never have traded her time with Gladiolus for anything. But with things becoming more and more pressing, she knew that this was the direction the tides were pushing her. She missed the drills, the patrols, the late night and early morning shifts. She missed it all, but she couldn’t just go running back to it, arms wide open and heart thrumming. No, she had to compromise.

A few times a week, Ilse watched Gladiolus while Kasimira exercised in the yard or in one of the rooms upstairs if the weather was unfavourable. She started small to pace herself and figure out what matched her body now, but she found her groove in no time. It wasn’t long before she found the perfect routine for early morning and late at night. She could balance all of her responsibilities so long as she had this one outlet.

By the time Gladiolus was one, Kasimira felt as if she had complete control over everything in her life. The realisation was liberating, and it felt so _new_ to her as if this was the very first time. _‘Or at least the first time in a long, long time,’_ she thought to herself, taking in a deep breath. She lowered her hands down to the ground and pressed her feet flat. She let her thoughts empty out as she held the downward dog pose. Kasimira heard a soft grunt and looked over to her left side.

Gladiolus was trying to imitate her, but he only succeeded in pressing his forehead against the ground and wagging his butt in the air. Kasimira laughed. She reached out with her left arm and dragged her son over. She lowered down onto her side before attacking his face with kisses. His delighted giggles were enough to fill her heart with joy, and every moment she spent with him was worth it. She rolled onto her back, tucked her hands under Gladiolus’ arms, and raised him above her head. “I always knew you were gonna be in the Crownsguard, little man. Mama’s little soldier.” She lowered him down to smooch his cheek before raising him back up again. “I’m so proud of you."

As time went on, she had to switch her exercise schedule around a bit. She let Gladiolus join her on her evening exercises, and even then, she focused mostly on yoga and stretching. Sometimes, he played with his toys or toddled around while she did her routine, but mostly, she could get him to join her. The slow and steady movements were enough to tucker him out and get him ready for bed.

It wasn’t all sunshine and ease. There were still the meetings about Niflheim and what to do about it. Only a select few even talked about the infiltration plan anymore. The idea had gone from risky to threatening over the years. The circumstances around Fera and her task force’s disappearance was unknown, but what was more mysterious was when three of them came back without warning. Exhausted, barely alive, and brandishing barcodes on their bodies. The implication sent the small interested party into a frenzy. The surviving task force members were rushed to an infirmary under the strictest of confidence, and the infiltration was thrown under a pile of confidential stamps, never to be spoken of again. There was still hope, Kasimira noticed, that Fera would return. She knew because she felt it herself. The wait stretched on forever.

Ilse’s intelligence surrounding the mission was pushed to the back burner, but that allowed the older woman to return back to her work in full force.

     “I wish you would get a protégée, Ma,” Kasimira said to her one day.

     “I will,” Ilse said, and it sounded like a promise.

     Kasimira stared at her mother in surprise. Was it really that easy? « Are you _actually_ considering retirement? » she asked, unable to hide her hopefulness.

     « Considering it, yes, » Ilse replied, wagging a finger. “I just haven’t decided yet.”

     “Decide soon.” Kasimira leaned against the doorframe with a smile. “It’d be nice to have you home. Safe and sound.”

     “And bored.”

     “And bored.” A chuckle. “Maybe you can start exercising on my program too.”

     Ilse snorted a laugh. “Heavens, no.”

When Gladiolus was three, Kasimira finally took the plunge. She reenlisted in the Crownsguard, and it took some adjusting. She ended up taking him along with her during her training sessions until Ilse could come pick him up. Sometimes, he pretended to fight and train to entertain himself. Most of the Crownsguard seemed to love it. There were those who had a problem with it but none who would say anything to her face. She liked it that way.

Being in the Crownsguard again meant that it was also an excuse for her to be at the Citadel more often. She checked in on Regis and Clarus, and both of them were doing about as well as she could have hoped. It was nice for Gladiolus to see his father, and the small smiles that Clarus could muster was worth cherishing. Amaryllis was getting on in years, but the stress of his position didn’t seem to bother him any. He was holding himself well. As hard as Amaryllis was to read, she knew he enjoyed having his grandson around. His appearance by the house was woefully scarce in the past couple of years, so she knew this made things better.

During this time, there was another wave of joy throughout the Citadel. Queen Vespera had given birth to a son: Noctis Lucis Caelum. It was a mouthful of a name, but Kasimira nearly choked on her surprise when she had been invited to see him. She tugged Gladiolus along, telling him that he had a little brother. Gladiolus seemed excited. At the time, it was lost on her what it meant that she was seeing the young prince. How meeting him would cement Gladiolus’ destiny as a future Shield. It was lost on her, maybe on purpose then. When she saw Gladiolus reach out to touch Noctis’ hand, all thoughts of a titled future washed away from her mind.

     “He’s beautiful,” she told the Queen.

     Vespera smiled up at her weakly, cradling Noctis close against her chest. “He is too,” she said of Gladiolus.

     Kasimira couldn’t stop herself from beaming. “Our two boys, right?”

     The Queen laughed weakly before looking down at her son. There was such an outpouring of love in such a simple gaze. “Right.” Vespera’s smile stirred Kasimira’s heart, and the smile she gave was one full of indescribable emotion.

There came a time when Gladiolus’ education became a subject. Would he be tutored at the Citadel or at home? Home would have been nice, but the Citadel just had the better perks. It was much more protected; Gladiolus wouldn’t be too far from his family, and she couldn’t think of anyone who would foolishly mistreat an Amicitia child. It was such a simple thing to arrange his classes. They would be easy for his age with a healthy dose of challenges sprinkled in. Little by little, Kasimira also began teaching him her maternal language. By the time he was five, he began learning her paternal language as well. Clarus was impressed by it, and Ilse was enthusiastic. Kasimira was just happy that a little piece of her family’s history would live on. There was so much here that the Amicitia name had claim to. At least with Gladiolus, the Nerthuz name wouldn’t be just a memory.

The tutor was more of a blessing than she would have thought, and for a time, life seemed perfect. Uncomplicated. Thoughts about failed excursions and missing family were shoved into some deep recess of her mind. The guilt and the pain were washed out by her day-to-day routine. Most days, if she was lucky, she could pretend that they were never there at all.

It took years, but Ilse finally considered retiring. The Nerthuz family business of assisting refugees had officially become a subsidiary to some Lucis government program, and it became far larger than either of them could handle. But both Ilse and Kasimira held their places in history. They changed lives; they helped so many people. Now, it was time to turn that over to more capable hands. Ilse became an official councilwoman of intelligence for the crown, though her duties her light. It was an accolade, a shining beacon of accomplishment. Kasimira was so proud.

But soon, that wouldn’t be the only surprise.

     “Stop! Getting! Me! Pregnant!” Kasimira said to Clarus, comically slapping his arm with one hand after coming out of the bathroom.

     “So, that's a yes?” he asked, and Astrals… she felt as if she hadn't seen him smile like that in ages.

What had their lives become where moments like these slipped through their fingers? She missed their laughs and carefree days. Because duty called so much and so often over the past few years, it was hard to remember who they were outside of their titles.

     She dramatically sighed before smiling back at him. “Yes, Claire. We're having another baby.”

Clarus moved forward and placed both his hands on her hips. Kasimira pushed forward to claim his lips in a kiss. She felt his hands knead against her sides and practically melted against him.

     “See, this is why we keep having babies in the first place,” she mumbled against his lips. She kissed him again before pulling away, “Let's go tell Ma and Gladio.”

     “Right behind you.”

     They headed down the hall and towards the stairs. Kasimira called out, “Gladiooo~ Whoo-hoo.”

     “Yeah?” he asked, spinning around in his chair and looking up at them.

     “Gladiolus,” Clarus said sternly.

     “Oh, right. Yes, ma'am?”

     Kasimira snorted. “Don't let him bully you.”

She brought back an arm and knocked Clarus in the stomach. When he coughed in surprise, Gladiolus laughed, trying to hide his smile against the back of the chair. Kasimira winked at him and leaned forward towards her son when she was close enough.

     “Guess what?” she whispered.

     “What?” Gladiolus whispered back, bouncing up in his chair again.

     “You're going to have a little sibling.”

     Immediately, her son's features scrunched up. He wrinkled his nose as if he smelt something Six-awful. “Ew.”

     “‘Ew?’” Kasimira repeated. Ilse let off a quiet laugh on the side. “What's with that?”

     “That means you two _had a baby_.” He squinted in an accusatory manner between her and Clarus.

Clarus started to speak, but Ilse laughed a little louder. Kasimira sucked her teeth sharply and rustled Gladiolus’ hair.

     “Obviously, you little squirt! Otherwise, we wouldn't have you here.” She stood up straight and looked to Clarus while still speaking to Gladiolus, “We got you something.”

     “Really?” he beamed.

The joy sparkled in his amber eyes as Clarus went off into the family room.

     “Yeah, but I don’t even know if you deserve it,” Kasimira droned on, rolling her eyes and looking away.

     Gladiolus pouted at her now. “But! I do!”

     “Do you?”

     “Yuh-huh!”

     Kasimira shrugged up both shoulders, holding her hands palms up towards the ceiling. She stared at her mother. “Alright,” she said. “Sounds like a good enough argument to me.”

     Ilse grinned. “Me too.”

Clarus came back not too long later with a small acoustic guitar in his hands. The guitar was a dark cherry wood with silver frets. Kasimira stood up straight and just in time too. Gladiolus jumped out of his chair with a noise of awe. He waited but none too patiently for Clarus to bestow the guitar to him. As soon as it was in his hand, Gladiolus flicked his attention back and forth between his mother and father.

     “Really?” he piped up finally.

     “That’s for being good with your tutors,” Clarus said.

     Kasimira added, “And I’ll have some time to kill in the future, little guy, so I’ll be able to learn with you if you want.”

     The information hit Gladiolus all at once. He stretched his guitar out in front of his body and arched his back slightly. “Cool!” he shouted excitedly.

Clarus, Kasimira, and Ilse just laughed. Their worlds were filled with the whirling chaos of responsibility, but to see such pure and unbridled youth on display before them was a joy. None of them could think of a reason to curb his enthusiasm.

     “Thank you! Thank you!” Gladiolus made sure to hug them both, but he hugged Clarus _extra_ tight. Kasimira felt her heart stir at the display. Seconds later, she jerked with a start and went for her phone.

     “Hold on, hold on. Just a minute. I need a picture.”

     Clarus rubbed his hand between Gladiolus’ shoulder blade. “I should probably get going soon.”

     “Yeah, yeah, yeah. _One. minute_ ,” Kasimira emphasised. She took a couple of photos in quick succession before waving over Ilse as well. “Okay, Ma. You get in this one too. Don’t give me that look, Claire. Gladio, no funny business.”

Gladiolust stuck out his tongue, and Kasimira laughed. _‘That’s my boy,’_ she thought, snapping another two photos. Gladiolus tipped his head up and smiled at his dad. Clarus looked down and returned the smile with a fond one of his own. Kasimira couldn’t pass up the opportunity to snap that one too.

     “Okay, I’m done,” she said, pressing the lock button on her phone and tucking it away.

Gladiolus cheered again and ran back to his seat to start fiddling with his guitar. Ilse took the seat next to him and watched him as he fiddled. Clarus began for the stairs. Kasimira watched as he rolled his shoulders, silently steeling himself for what laid up ahead. She followed after him with light steps. Her fingers brushed against the wood of the railing but barely made a sound.

     “Gonna be okay?”

     “Yeah.” The word came out as a noise, as a tired sigh. When they were even with each other, Kasimira reached out to rub his shoulders. She felt one of his hands clasp over hers. “Thanks.”

     “Call me or text me, okay?”

Clarus stopped in the doorway of their bedroom and turned to face her. Kasimira could anticipate what he was going to do, but she wasn’t prepared for the force of it. He held her face gently between his palms and kissed her so tenderly. It made her think of simpler times when they flirted around each other, when they were reunited, when they were young and newly married and just happy to be around each other. Not that things had changed too much. They were just tired, older, _parents_ with busy schedules. Kasimira sighed softly and reached up to hold his wrists. At the last moment, for a brief second, the kiss was hungry and passionate and searching, and Kasimira felt heat spread from her lips throughout the rest of her body. Clarus quelled the fires with a kiss to her forehead, but the sensation wasn’t easily forgotten.

     “I love you, Kasi.”

     “I love you too, Claire.”

     “Always.”

     “Don’t be cheesy.”

Her lips tugged up with a smile. There was a swell of emotion rising inside of her, but she pushed it down. She wrapped her arms around him, and for a time, they simply held each other. Somewhere downstairs, Gladiolus was noisily strumming his guitar. Kasimira laughed against Clarus’ neck and began swaying their bodies side to side.

     “We’re going to regret this.”

     “You are,” Clarus corrected. “I’ll be just far away that I won’t have to hear it.”

     “Not unless I let him take it along during his tutoring sessions.”

     “You wouldn’t dare.”

Kasimira giggled devilishly. They both knew she would. She pressed a kiss to his neck but didn’t pull away just yet. Clarus stroked his hand along her spine.

     “Love you,” he said again, this time soft and a bit distant.

     Kasimira heard the change. She wondered where his mind had gone, but instead of asking, she stroked her thumb against the curve of his shoulder blade. “Love you too.”

They drew away after that. Kasimira headed back downstairs, and Clarus went back to his task of preparing for his Citadel return. Gladiolus was now trying to sing to his noise. It was mostly just a lot of _“Ba! Buhn-ba!”_ over and over to a rhythmless tune, and Kasimira joined, not caring how obnoxious they were being.

Clarus came downstairs again to say his goodbyes, and Gladiolus quickly stopped his noise making before clambouring down to say bye to his father. Clarus knelt down and pressed a kiss to Gladiolus’ forehead. He must have expressed his love because Gladiolus said, “Love you too.” Gladiolus watched as his father stood, smiling up at him with all the pride and love in the world. It was so hard to describe what hope laid in a child’s smile.

But something in seeing the moment felt too perfect, felt too pure. Kasimira’s smile slowly disappeared as Clarus ruffled Gladiolus’ hair. It all felt manufactured as if it was a perfect orchestration waiting for the bow to snap. Kasimira gasped softly and reached her hand out for a chair. She felt her free hand reach towards her chest, but it never made it there.

     “Claire,” she heard herself say.

Clarus looked up to her curiously. Kasimira wasn’t sure what she looked like, but she managed to force herself to smile. She let out a sheepish little laugh. “You be careful out there,” was all she could say. It was enough of an ominous parting that broke the perfect mold. Things seemed to fit together better. Her words acknowledged the danger that loomed on the edges of their family life. The dread stirred in her throat, and she felt like she was going to pass out. Clarus scrutinised her. Even though she felt like hell, he didn’t seem to notice. He merely nodded.

“You too.” And he left. As soon as the door clicked closed, Kasimira tore one of the seats from out of its place and collapsed into it. Her head rolled back and leaned against the chair. Her heart was suddenly racing. Ilse jumped out of her seat. Gladiolus hurried over to his mother. Kasimira looked at him, though even the slightest movement of her eyes made her head swim.

     “Mama?” he asked quietly. His face was perfectly innocent and blank as though he didn’t know whether to worry yet.

Kasimira reached out a hand. She forced this emotion down, down, deep down into whatever recess. Wherever the hidden guilt was, she wanted this sickness to go _there_. She playfully pressed her palm against Gladiolus’ face. She felt him smile against his palm before she weakly shoved him away.

     “Play me a song, music man. I’m your biggest fan.”

     “Kay!” Gladiolus said. Just like that, all the worry rushed out of him.

Ilse, on the other hand, had gone to the kitchen and fetched a glass of water. She handed it to Kasimira, who forced herself to sit up straight.

     « Are you okay? » Ilse asked, her voice tight with concern.

     « I’m fine. »

     « Is it… » Ilse made a vague motion like _baby_ , but Kasimira shook her head.

     « I’m fine, » she said again, and this time, it felt more like a lie. One she washed down with the water. « Just suddenly lightheaded. »

Ilse didn’t seem to like the answer, but with nothing else to hold onto, she said, “It’s probably just the new baby then. Go ahead and lay down. At least in the family room.”

     “Let’s go to the family room!” Kasimira announced. With a burst of energy she didn’t have, she pushed herself to her feet.

Gladiolus let out a sudden whoop and ran to the room. Kasimira barely caught herself from wobbling, but her mother held her up.

     “Thanks,” she said quietly.

     “You’re welcome.” Ilse gave her a hard look. « If you need to, we can call in a medic. »

Kasimira felt that wouldn’t fix what was inside of her, but there was that sinking feeling that nothing would. She said nothing.

     « If I’m not feeling better, we will, Ma. We will. »

It was an empty promise, but the idea that maybe, somewhere out there, someone could help didn’t sound too bad after all.


	15. Our Flowers Blossom...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "... in a Wilting Garden."

Leaving the Crownsguard this time was a bit bittersweet. She was ready to have a second kid. She knew what she was getting into this time, but there was also the fear that she wouldn’t be distracted enough from… Well, she wasn’t entirely sure. She just didn’t like the idea of being at the mercy of an unknown “it”.

Her fears came and went. She had more company this time. Her mother spent more time at home, even though she still went out and savoured her own alone time. Gladiolus was a little Prince Charming. He climbed up into Kasimira’s bed to read things to her — only things he could put his imaginative twist on. Kasimira wondered how interested he would be in books, either reading or writing them. She figured she could ask his tutors and get a vague idea as to what he might have been into.

The guitar proved to be an ideal distraction for her and him. Kasimira had her own delivered to the house, and the two of them learned together. Gladiolus was far more adept at it than Kasimira was, but she took it in stride. This was something he could excel at and make his own. She was happy enough being his moral support.

After finding out the sex of the baby, Kasimira spent a lot of time weaving back and forth between names. It was either something feminine or neutral. She wondered if her little girl should have a spin on her father’s name or something completely of her own.

     “What would be a feminine version of ‘Dafydd’?” she asked her mother. She had a small notepad with names written and scratched out on it.

     “Davina. Davetta. Davida…” Ilse listed off. She sounded disinterested with each one she named.

Kasmira felt the same. She stared at her father’s name and made a light circle around it. She limply dragged her pen down when a damn came to her. She began writing it, and it seemed nice enough to her. It certainly fit the naming theme.

     “How about… Dafyddil?”

Ilse mouthed it before saying it out loud. She tilted her head left and right. “It has a ring to it. You’ve to  _ theem _ the pronunciation, but I like it.”

On “theem”, Ilse stuck her tongue between her teeth and fanned the fingers of her right hand out. Kasimira nodded and then held out her notepad for her mother to look at. Ilse took it, and her gaze bounced between the different names on the page. Kasimira wanted nothing more than to draw her knees up to her chest, but the growing bump was getting in the way of that. She watched her mother quietly.

     “I like the spelling,” Ilse said finally. “It’s different.”

     “It’s a flower.” Kasimira shrugged weakly, “but I really want to name her after dad.”

     “Will you name the next one after me?” Ilse teased.

     Kasimira laughed. “Honestly, with the way we’re going, there probably  _ will  _ be another.”

She reached over her spine to knock on the wooden end table, but she wasn’t able to reach. She twisted left and right, trying to spot the damn thing, before she finally angled herself in such a way that she could knock on it. Kasimira gave a satisfied smile.

     “There.”

Ilse laughed silently. She reached out for Kasimira’s pen, which was gladly handed over. Maybe she would come up with something better. After all, ‘Kasimira’ was pretty bitchin’ as a name. And as a person. Not that she would say that herself in those  _ exact _ words. Not out loud to her mother anyway. 

     “I like Estelle. And Astra,” Ilse said. She made small circles with the pen. “Sienna. Luna. Oh, Aislyn’s a pretty name.”

     “I really like Aislyn.” Kasimira laced her fingers together over her stomach. She twirled her thumbs around in lazy circles. “And there’s the flower theme, of course. Amaryllis, Gladiolus.”

     Ilse took a moment before adding a name to the list. “Iris?”

     Kasimira huffed a laugh. She extended out a leg to prod her mother in the side with her big toe. “I thought we agreed on Dafyddil?”

     “It’s pretty, don’t get me wrong, and nuanced. But for a little girl, I think Iris would be cute.”

     Kasimira chewed on it for a while. “Iris Dafyddil Amicitia.”

     “Maybe without the—”

     “I’ve already decided!” Kasimira said. She turned to face the couch properly and stood up. She wouldn’t be able to bounce around like this pretty soon. “Dad always liked that I was stubborn,” she said as she left.

     “Yeah, well, he hated it too!”

Kasimira let out a comically evil laugh as she exited the room. She was determined in some way to keep that name around. She wasn’t sure why. Her father would never leave her. She made sure to preserve his memory as much as she could, but this felt like a tangible piece of him still around. She hated that she could never quite get over his loss. She hated that, even years later, it pained her more than anything else.

     « I guess I’m just always fated to miss you, Dad, » she whispered. She gave a small smile. « I hate that I’m stubborn that way. »

 

One thing that surprised her the most was that Gladiolus began asking her about the Crownsguard. If she missed it, how come she couldn’t go as often, how come she never joined them when they trained. At one point, she flicked his nose with one hand, her other rested on her stomach.

     “Because, you goof, your sister needs me right now.”

     Gladiolus visibly deflated. “Aw, man.” He took a couple of seconds before rebounding with that enviable innocence. “Then, I’ll join for you!”

     Kasimira laughed. “Well, you gotta train first.”

     “Train me! I’m ready!”

Kasimira opened her mouth to retaliate, but then she thought on it. It wouldn’t be long before Gladiolus would have to assume his birthright anyway. Kasimira wasn’t sure how she felt about that, preparing her son for the years of struggle. But she was looking at it negatively. She frowned slightly. That wasn’t much like her. She forced herself to crush down the doubt and maternal hesitation. Instead, she reached out to ruffle his hair.

     “Bring me the phone, will you?”

     “Mmkay!”

Gladiolus hopped off the bed and pressed a button on the phone stand. The cordless phone beeped somewhere in the house, and he ran off towards it. He returned triumphantly a few moments later. He clamboured onto the bed and held out the phone to her.

     “Call your dad,” she said gently. Gladiolus perked up and began dialing his number. “Do you remember his number?”

     “Mm-hm!” Gladiolus’ face darkened with concentration. He stabbed at the numbers with his thumbs and brought the phone up to his ear.

_      “Clarus.” _

     “Hey, Dad.”

_      “Hey, Gladio. How’s everything at the house?” _

     “It’s fine.”

_      “How’s your mother?” _

     “She’s fine too!” Gladiolus looked at Kasimira with his brows raised. She lifted up her hand. “She wants to talk to you.”

_      “Put her on.” _

     “Here.” Gladiolus thrusted the phone in Kasimira’s direction.

     She smiled wide up at him. “Thanks, baby.” She cradled the phone between her shoulder and ear. “Hey, Claire.”

_      “Kasi.” _

     “Listen. You know the Crownsguard you have wandering around the house?”

_      “Yes?” _

     “Tell them to bring a plus one. I’m going to put Gladdy through training.”

     A pause.  _ “Are you sure?” _

     “Oh, he’s so excited about it. More excited than I was to even join.”

     Clarus thought on it for a moment longer.  _ “Father can escort them over.” _

     “The more, the merrier. Send them around five p.m. sharp, okay?”

_      “Okay.” _

     “And how’re things?”

Kasimira was always glad for an excuse to hear his voice, even if their conversation was short. She said a soft goodbye, and Gladiolus scrambled closer, saying goodbye into the phone before Clarus could hang up. The parting laugh Clarus gave was enough to feed her reassurances. Kasimira gave the phone to Gladiolus for him to call his grandmother. This time, she didn’t ask for the phone. While Gladiolus and Ilse talked, Kasimira took a nap.

After lunch, five p.m. gave swiftly. Kasimira felt that was a long enough time for the food to settle in Gladiolus’ stomach. Amaryllis strolled in different attire. He was still formal, still walked like a man of importance, but it was odd to see him somewhat dressed down. This was the closest she could imagine to him being in jeans and a t-shirt, so she relished it. Gladiolus looked happy to see his grandfather, but as soon as he saw the Crownsguard, he toughened up. Kasimira was as amused as she was impressed. This was definitely her son, alright.

When it came to training, Gladiolus wasn’t as hopeless as she would have though, but he was still far from proficient. Maybe he had been paying close attention when he was little, watching her and the other Crownsguard run their drills. Of course, watching was far different from experiencing it. Still though, he was holding his own. Kasimira’s amazement grew as she watched her son dart back and forth across the hard. He was hopelessly sweaty and covered in dirt, but he didn’t seem deterred.

     “Are you sure you haven’t been training him in secret?” Amaryllis asked, and it was the closest thing to a tease she had ever heard from him.

     Kasimira cracked a smile. “You’d really think so, huh? Honestly, I’m not too sure he hasn’t been learning things on his own.”

     Amaryllis hummed. “I wouldn’t be too surprised.”

     Neither would she, honestly.

Ilse made her appearance while Gladiolus was in the middle of practicing his jabs. It wasn’t long after when training wrapped up. The Crownsguard Ellis gave Gladiolus a pat on the back. The young boy mustered up a smile, but he had been pushed to his body’s limits. “Watch me. I can do better next time!” he said.

Everyone stared at him with no small amount of surprise. Already a go-getter.

     “Just like his Mama,” Ilse said as if mirroring Ilse’s thoughts. 

Kasimira preened at the compliment. She couldn’t be more proud. She made arrangements with Ellis and Amaryllis for Gladiolus to train thrice a week. She worried for a moment that it would interfere with his studies and his guitar lessons, but Gladiolus took the new responsibilities with stride. The only time he complained was when his homework was too hard, but even then, he kept a tough face. He was determined to excel — or at the very least do the best he could. Kasimira reminded him time and time again not to push himself, to always ask for him if he needed it.

He always did, but she wondered if he was holding back. If he was trying to shoulder everything alone. Gladiolus soon proved, in his own way, that he thrived under the pressure, but he always made sure to reach out when it became too much. Kasimira felt something so strong she knew she didn’t have the words. It was something far greater than pride, than love, than amazement all together. It was all three, but it was also something above what she had ever experienced. Whenever she saw Gladiolus growing and studying and thriving and attempting to do his very best, she saw a mirror image of herself, of Clarus, of her mother, and her father. She saw Fera in those amber eyes. She couldn’t place it.

The experience was so powerful that she had to jot it down somewhere. Maybe that would help sort her thoughts. She quickly began addicted to the idea of leaving a journal. She had never done it before, but when she had her moments of solitude, she took to pen and paper to leave behind her feelings. There was a great well of emotion buried deep inside of her. She dipped her pen inside of it whenever she wrote, and over time, that released the pressure.

A couple of months before her daughter was born, there was a procession and ceremony at the Citadel, which she gladly attended. Unbeknownst to her and the public, a group of soldiers had been pulled away from their usual Crownsguard routine and were enlisted under a new ‘elite’ regimen. The remaining soldiers had been dubbed “Kingsglaive”, and though the ceremony had been a widely celebrated and praised affair, the aftermath brewed some hostility. Kasimira knew that Regis wasn’t everyone’s favourite King, but the reveal of the Kingsglaive unearthed a whole host of rumours. 

Apparently, there were a couple of soldiers in the Kingsglaive who were foreigners. Some even claimed them as refugees. The numbers always fluxed depending on where Kasimira was hearing the rumour. People accused the King of being heartless, of him using people to his own end. “Kingsglaive?” Someone scoffed at the name. “As if the old man needs more protecting.”

Kasimira bit her tongue, and that was hard to do. She knew that it wasn’t true at all, and she had always considered herself a mature person. Even in her most hostile times, she had been slow to speak, and she had been on the ground floor of the most  _ baseless _ of rumours. But it was different this time. She was caught between two worlds, between the gossips and their source. She had to keep her chin up and gaze ahead whenever the rumours reached her ears. It just wasn’t worth stirring the pot, even when she knew the truth. It was just a shame that the truth was slow to take root while hostility and falsehoods spread like diseases.

When it was time to give birth, Kasimira’s focused returned back to normal. Her world was condensed to the Citadel hospital room and little else outside of it. Her daughter was born as  _ Iris Amicitia _ , but in Kasimira’s journal, she was  _ Iris D’Amicitia  _ or sometimes just purely  _ Dafyddil _ . Seeing the name scrawled in her handwriting never failed to bring tears to her eyes. A final homage to her father. She felt she could finally put him to rest.

After Iris was born, Kasimira waited a month before she added on her new piercings. She did another set, making a grand total of three in each ear. Another two months passed before she added the last on her right ear. Gladiolus admired the jewelry in her ear when it was all done.

     “Does it hurt?” he asked. 

     “At first,” she admitted, “but not as much anymore.”

****“How long does it take to heal?”

     She hummed thoughtfully before saying, “Not too long. So long as you take care of it.”

Gladiolus leaned close and stared at her ears. He hummed softly and then louder. Louder and louder until he made his decision. He sat back on the couch and crossed his arms. 

     “I want my ears pierced too.”

     Kasimira raised her brows. “You do, huh?”

     “It looks cool!”

     “You don’t even know why I got these.”

     “Because it looks cool!” Gladiolus emphasized. God, he was just as stubborn as she was. She was glad her mother wasn’t close by to hear this. He looked thoughtful before staring at her ears. “... Why did you do it?”

     “Because it’s for us, silly. Hold on.”

She instructed Gladiolus to grab a blanket and then for him to stretch it out over her lap. She placed Iris down gently before stroking the baby’s back. Iris fussed and kicked a leg before settling. Kasimira laughed.

_      ‘Already a little fighter.’ _ She then turned her attention to her son, bringing both hands up to her ear lobes. “These are for me.” She touched the one above on her left ear. “Grandma Ilse.” Above that: “Grandpa Dafydd. You never got to meet him.” She turned more to her right. Above her ear lobe, “Your dad. You. And now, Iris.”

     “What about Pops’es mom and dad?”

     Kasimira dropped her hands into her lap and leaned forward Gladiolus, smiling wickedly. “You think I should?”

     “Yuh-huh! You’ve got room!”

     “Just a little bit.” She ran her finger over the available space left on her ear. She hummed thoughtfully. “I think I might.” She looked to Gladiolus. “Do you still want earrings, little man? I think I made it sappy and not cool.”

     Gladiolus climbed up to his knees and placed his fists on his hips. “I want ‘em!”

     “You’d just get these, though.” She twiddled her ear lobes.

     He nodded anyway, looking determined. “For you and for Pops!” He puffed out his chest. “And because it looks cool.”

     Kasimira imitated him, though she tried not to move too much because of Iris. “And because it looks cool.” She imitated his voice, but she made it sound deeper. “Sounds like you’re growing up.”

     “I am!”

     “You are!” She smiled at him and relaxed. She reached out to touch one of his biceps. “You’re getting muscles and everything.”

     “Yuh-huh!”

     “Maybe you can even help me carry your sister.” This time, Gladiolus went quiet. She tried not to laugh. “That’s a ‘no’, huh?”

     “Meeeeeeh,” Gladiolus wiggled and went boneless. He sat properly in his chair, but then he sank down until his chin was touching his chest.

     Kasimira leaned over to kiss the top of his head. “Silly boy.”

His lips quirked up in a smile.

Later on, Kasimira debated as to whether or not she would let Clarus know about Gladiolus getting his ear pierced. She ultimately decided that she would but only when it was happening. The next morning, Tridais came over to pierce Gladiolus’ ear while he was having breakfast. Kasimira took a picture and set it off to Clarus.

_      Surprise. \ :D / _

Ilse offered Tridais something to eat, and after an initial refusal, they ended up sitting down at the table. Kasimira went off to grab their money, and that’s when she felt her phone vibrate.

     : _ | _

_  
     Mad ? _

_  
     no, just wondering if he’s going to end up as pierced as you _

_  
     It’d be a compliment if he does. ;) _

_           Plus, I told him he’s only getting those. _

_  
     your idea? _

_  
     His. _

_  
     hm. _

She stared at the message for a moment, biting down on her lip. Welp, if he was mad, he’d have to talk to Gladiolus about it. She went back into the living room and handed Tridais their money over the table. They lifted their glass of juice and nodded to her. Kasimira felt her phone vibrate.

_      he really does look like you. _

     Kasimira smiled. She looked over to Gladiolus. “Gladdy, c’mere.” He hastily wiped his mouth and walked over to her. She navigated to the camera. “Let’s take a picture for your dad.”

     She wrapped an arm around her son’s shoulders, and Kasimira switched to selfie mode. “Big smiles.”

She grinned, and so did Gladiolus. She snapped their photo before looking at it. Their eyes squinted with their big smiles. Save the sliver of colour visible between their lashes, they really did look incredibly alike. Kasimira turned and kissed his cheek. Gladiolus let out a surprised laugh. She took another picture, though it came out a little shaky. Perfect in its imperfection.

Kasimira turned him around and swatted him away. Gladiolus ran back to his seat to finish eating. She sent both photos to Clarus.

_      He really is a little mini-me. _

_      wish i was home. _

She gave a little smile.  _ We’ll be there today, Claire. Try not to miss us too much. _

     Her heart happily skipped a beat when he replied back:  _ too late. _

_           try not to get the idea of more piercings in his head just yet. _

_           he still has more training ahead of him. _

_  
     I won’t, I won’t. I promise. Plus, this was his idea! _

_  
     mhm. see you all soon. _

 

Iris grew up to be… a real handful.

Iris grew up to be a real handful. Unlike her brother, she didn’t cry much, but oh, how she was curious. She learned to walk at six months, and she had been a menace ever since. Gladiolus was constantly hoisting her back to Kasimira from wherever she ended up. He wasn’t too great at holding her. He wrapped his arms around her chest, and Iris’ chubby arms dangled over his forearms. Her legs waggled helplessly in the air, and her cheeks were rounded from her pout. Gladiolus looked like he was dragging back the unhappiest sack of flour.

For whatever reason, Iris chose sound over words, even when she learned to talk. Kasimira learned Iris very much favoured screaming. One day, Ilse had taken the children clothes shopping. Gladiolus eagerly showed off some of his favourites. It was a little fashion show. Iris, unbeknownst to Kasimira, was standing in the doorway. She let out a glass shattering scream, startling both her mother and brother. To be fair, Iris looked adorable, but Kasimira would never forget the taste of her own heart in her throat.

As she was growing up, Iris followed her big brother everywhere. Whenever Gladiolus sat down to read, Iris took a book out of his collection and pretended to do the same. Eventually, he decided to teach her how to read. He loved being an older brother. Kasimira could see it.

Unfortunately, Iris’ curious nature became more and more of a hassle from the ages of two to four. Kasimira lost count of how many times the young Amicitia girl shocked, burned, or injured herself because she was always somewhere doing  _ something _ . Even with three of them watching her, she still managed to vanish without a trace. The Citadel was her favourite playground and the easiest place to lose her.

It was fun to watch some of the Citadel staff try to wrangle Iris. The little girl was spry, and whenever Gladiolus had the chance, the two of them often disappeared into the gardens.

During this time, one of the older men on the council ended up passing away. There was a very private procession for him, and when it was over, Amaryllis volunteered to take his place. The discussion was brief and purely ceremonial. Amaryllis had already made up his mind. He fully invested his duties with Clarus, who had accepted the new responsibilities unfailingly. It was at that moment that Kasimira realised how much she admired him. She knew that he would never fail his family name, but there was also that part of him that was so unyielding, so unflinchingly reliable. In some ways, she strived to be like him. She always fancied herself his equal, but there were moments when their true strengths shone brilliantly. This was one for Clarus.

She debated what her next steps would be. She sat her mother down and weighed the pros and cons of reenlisting. If she went, she wouldn’t shy away from the Kingsglaive. In fact, she felt she would be a valuable asset with her previous experience with both the Crownsguard and her life before it. But then, she could have always stayed home with the kids. She just as valuable as a mother, maybe even more so. On cue, she heard Gladiolus yell Iris’ name in the opposite room followed by Iris’ maniacal goblin giggle. Kasimira smiled and motioned a hand.

     “See?”

     “Oh, Kasimira, you always want to do it all,” her mother chastised fondly. “But no matter what you do, you’ll always excel at it.”

     “I want to be with my family, but I also want to be able to  _ protect _ my family, you know?”

     “Kasi. Do what you think is best. What do your instincts say?”

_ ‘To stay with my family,’ _ she said, and it felt like the most sure thing to do. But there was the worry that she would be restless like she was with Gladiolus, that she would look for any excuse to keep her mind even more distracted. She didn’t acknowledge the growing signs of distress in her mind. She wasn’t even aware of it. Perhaps if she read her journals, she would have noticed it more. She did consult her book that night, though it was the further deliberate on her choice.

Over and over, she wrote down plans for what to do with Iris. She fiddled with different hobbies to get her daughter interested in. Puzzle solving... and maybe an instrument? Anything aside from Iris’ harmless mischief making. Not that she would ever fully discourage that. It fueled Iris’ inquisitive spirit more than any structured hobby could. She wrote at length about the things she wanted for Gladiolus. She prayed that he would get along with Noctis, that they would be amiable in the oncoming years. They were brothers, friends, comrades, and who knows! She wanted them to be healthy as people, more than Prince and Shield. There was life to be had outside of that.

Her thoughts strayed into poetics. She wished very much for her father to see Gladiolus playing the guitar or Iris mastering the art of vanishing in plain sight. She wrote what felt like a letter to her father, and an untapped river of feeling poured out of her. She stopped herself halfway and laughed at her own dramatics. When she wrote, it wasn’t with that same longing and pain. It was as if she was reflecting, thinking of a life that could be. She did believe, to some extent, that there was an afterlife. She hoped that her father had noticed some of these things, if not all of them. 

She briefly read over what she wrote, and the want to stay with her family grew. She wanted to preserve these memories and make more. She wanted to see them happy, see them safe. Her fingers stroked over her children’s names. Finally, something hardened inside of her. She latched onto the idea of them being safe. Something deep within tightened and tangled with her logic. She closed her journal and put it away. In order to keep everyone alive and well, she needed to be that provider for them. She was plenty strong, but she felt as if there was still something more she could learn. She went to the window and stared out towards the Citadel. She made up her mind.

She would join the Kingsglaive.


	16. My Clarity

******8fed o Ebrill**  

 

> _Gladdy’s birthday was a success. I almost didn’t make it. We surprised him with a new guitar. I think he loves it._
> 
> _He’s gotten so much better than me, ha ha. I’m a little jealous. But then again he’s had a lot more time to actually sit down and practice._
> 
> _I’ve written bits and pieces here and there, but I never gave the news. I made it into the Kingsglaive, but of course I would. HA. Since was the only initiate at the time there wasn’t a huge ceremony or anything. Regis himself gave me the honours. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him look so proud. Claire too. Oh my Claire._
> 
> _Regis isn’t looking too well but I’d hate to ask him about it. I think it’s the power of the Crystal draining on him. The same power I can feel flowing through me. I made the joke to Regis: ‘I never felt closer to you before.’ And he laughed but it’s been on my mind. We’re threaded together by something that’s impossible to describe. We’re… Oh, I don’t know. Aren’t you tired of all my poetics, book ?_
> 
> _I think I’ve achieved part of my goal. Took me six months to do it. My body’s still sore from the accelerated drills. Sometimes I go to sleep at night and I can still imagine the obstacle course. I’ll never look at monkey bars the same way again I feel._
> 
> _But I’m here I’m really here. I keep looking at my uniform and thinking that this is the height of  my success but there’s still so much left to do. And being at Gladdy’s birthday helped me keep my focus. Dafyddil’s birthday’ll be here before I know it. She’ll be five, can you believe it? She’s getting so big, my little flower girl. And Gladdy’s growing up to be incredibly focused and strong…_
> 
> _I look at him — I look at both of them and I think that this is the right thing to do. I think that this is where my many feats have taken me. But for some reason, I keep hesitating. Should I stop ? I should talk to Amaryllis about this. He’s just level headed enough, just removed enough. I’ll think about it tomorrow when I’m patrolling._
> 
> _But in doing all of this my mind has been turning strange places. Purpose and virtue and striving towards a goal. The subjects themselves aren’t unfamiliar, it’s just the path that my mind is taking to each one._
> 
> _I feel… like… I should talk to someone about this, tumble these words out of my mind to someone who can listen. But I’m also at that age, you know. Maybe this is a midlife crisis. Oh dear. Is it really that time already?_
> 
> _In my fifties and in the Kingsglaive, spryer ( < hm?) than I’ve ever been, and I’m losing my mind to nonsensical phantoms. Maybe I just need to focus on the here and now for a while. You’ve listened to me be sappy. So perhaps I should call it good night. I’ve still some writing to do. _
> 
> _Now that I’m thinking about Dafyddil’s birthday, I should probably pull some strings so I can make it to that one as well. Or maybe I’ll hide out somewhere. Clever little girl. I’m sure she’d find me if I left the right clues._
> 
> _Ah! Actually. That gives me an idea._


	17. My Parting Gift

Iris chased her mother through the Citadel halls, and Kasimira laughed loudly in spite of herself.

     “It’s like having a puppy on my heels.”

     “Shh!” Iris shushed her sharply and reached out to press her hands against her mother’s back. “We’re going to lose them.”

     Kasimira couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up. “So what are we doing, my little detective?”

     “We’re gonna wait until they separate and get Gladdy to tell us his secrets.”

     “We’re gonna torture your brother?”

     Iris nodded resolutely. “He hid my candies for a whole week.”

     “That was last year!” Kasimira dropped her voice to a whisper. Her smile was making it hard to take things seriously.

     “And he still has to pay. I’ll go first.”

With that, Iris crept from behind the wall and advanced towards her brother and father. Kasimira brought a hand up to her left ear and pressed down on her communicator.

     “She’s on the move,” she whispered. “Deviate to your three.”

She leaned out just in time to see Clarus scratch the back of his neck with two fingers.  _ I hear you _ . Afterward, she started after her daughter, dropping lower into a moving crouch. When she was close enough, she ran her fingers over Iris’ sides, and the young girl jumped, trying not to giggle suddenly. Iris whipped her attention over her shoulder and brought a finger up to her lips authoritatively. Kasimira looked apologetic, even though she was anything but.

They wanted until Clarus ruffled Gladiolus’ hair and went off to the right. Iris whispered “Let’s go” and took off. Kasimira hesitated a beat. Members from the council was waiting for Clarus, and scanning all of the faces, Kasimira realised her mother was among the group. All of her levity began to drain out of her body. She forced herself not to watched as they left the hall together.

     “Mom!” Iris whispered sharply. She quickly peeked to make sure Gladiolus hadn’t heard before looking back to Kasimira, who snapped to attention.

     “Go, Dafyddil. I’ll follow after,” she said, taking on her role as the gruff companion.

Iris nodded again and went after her brother. Kasimira followed soon after. Watching Iris move was impressive. Because of her years of constantly evading any and all authoritative figures in her life, Iris was quick on her feet. She was still heavy footed. She made noise when she sank her feet down while crouch-walking. Maybe Kasimira would teach her to walk better, make her sneakier.

With a sudden burst of speed, Iris jettisoned forward and curved around to Gladiolus’ front. She thrust a hand up in front of him, silently commanding him to stop. He did on a dime. Kasimira rose up to her full height and stalked towards her son. Gladiolus looked over his shoulder towards her and then back to his sister. Then, without so much as a warning, he dove to the left and broke into a run.

It was perhaps bad manners for an Amicitia lady and her Amicitia children to full on sprint through the prestigious halls of the Citadel. But who was going to stop them? Who was going to stop  _ her _ , a veteran Crownsguard and honoured Kingsglaive? Gladiolus reached out for the railing and hopped over it with a grunt of effort.

     Iris threw herself against it and yelled, “Not fair!”

     Kasimira grabbed the back of her daughter’s shirt without stopping and pulled her towards the stairs. “Keep running,  _ annwyl _ . He can’t outrun you for long.”

And that wasn’t true. Gladiolus had trained longer; his stamina was more honed, but she wouldn’t dampen Iris’ confidence. Not in a million years.

The two of them kept after Gladiolus, who had purposefully slowed his pace. He stopped himself in a hall, pretending to examine his options. When Iris called out to him, he looked over his shoulder and continued down the hall. Kasimira noticed a tired Kingsglaive youth; he tried to hide his exasperation, but even at a glimpse, she could see it in his eyes.

     “Watch out!” she called to a fellow Kingsglaive in passing, and he ducked out of the way of Iris and her mother.

     “Where’s the fire?” he called back.

     “You’ll see the smoke!” she shot back, smiling over her shoulder.

She focused forward again. Iris leaned forward with a burst of speed and caught up with Gladiolus. She tangled her small fingers in his shirt. He used the “last” of his energy to turn them both into a room. Kasimira followed. He diverted towards the music room and doubled forward as if he was exhausted. Iris hopped onto his back, and Gladiolus hooked his arms under her legs.

     “You got me,” he groaned.

     “Sure did!”

     “Oh, and Ma helped you. Traitor!” He groaned again, feigning agony and fatigue. Kasimira jogged in with slow, wide steps.

     “Only traitor here is you, pal,” she said with a tilted grin. “Tell us where Iris’ gift is.”

     “You’ll never get it out of me.” Gladiolus tottered forward, and Iris pulled on his ears. “Ow, Iris! Quit it!”

     “Gift me!”

     “Never.”

     “I’ll scream.”

     “No!” Both Gladiolus and Kasimira said at the same time. The very thought made Kasimira’s heart jump. She imagined every piece of glass in the Citadel breaking, and it would be as if someone made the fabled Siren wail. Iris leaned back and placed her hands on her hips, victorious.

     “Gift me!” she said again, clearly delighted.

     “Fine. Hope Pops can forgive me.” Purely dramatic. Gladiolus lowered down to one knee and Iris hopped down. He motioned towards the piano bench. “Sit over there.”

She did so without preamble. At this point, Kasimira looked away. She popped open the top button of her Kingsglaive blazer and fiddled with the frequency on her in-ear communicator. There were only a few channels she could choose from, and most of them were silent. She switched back to Clarus’. There was faint muttering on his side, but then it was gone. The double doors on the opposite end of the music room were rolled open. Kasimira turned back around. She walked over to stand at Iris’ side.

Gladiolus presented Iris with the stuffed rabbit he had taken from her this morning, which kicked this whole plan into action. He left and came back with a small covered tray. Iris lifted the lid and saw her favourite treats waiting for her. She gasped loudly. Kasimira reached over to fiddle with her daughter’s hair. “And there’s one more,” she promised.

Iris gladly took the tray and set it beside her. She took one of the little tarts and bit into it. She let out a loud, winding hum of pleasure, and Kasimira chuckled softly. Gladiolus walked to the adjacent room, placed his hands on his hips, and pretended to look confused. 

     “What’s wrong?” Iris asked. She then looked up to her mother.

     Kasimira shrugged. “I dunno,” she lied easily.

     Iris focused on her brother again. “Gladdy—”

     “I don’t remember where I put your gift, Iris. Sorry.” He spun around and shrugged deeply. “I guess this’ll have to do.”

He waved someone over, and a brunette stepped into view from the left side of the doors. She held a small transparent box in her hands. In the box were several books. Iris stopped chewing  immediately when the woman and her brother approached.

     “Sorry I couldn’t make it to your party,” the woman said with a gentle smile and equally gentle voice. “And friend and I were doing something important.”

     “W-what were you doing?” Iris asked, trembling with excitement.

     The woman dropped down into a crouch and stage-whispered, “We were solving mysteries.” She looked over her shoulder. “You know my friend Detective Gustl, don’t you?”

     “Oh,” said a voice, and a tall, sharply dressed figured stepped out from the right. “We’re old friends.”

     “Oh! Oh!!!”

Iris was a rocket ready to take off now. Understanding hit her full force. She was meeting Gaille Alkmene and Detective Gustl, her favourite author and mystery hero, respectively. Gaille reached up to place the box set next to Iris, and as soon as her hands were free, the little girl leapt forward and hugged the author tightly. Gustl, at this point, walked forward, looking suave and untouchable.

Iris pulled herself away and run towards them. They held out their hands to her and braced their weight as Iris jumped up for a hug. They laughed gently and patted a hand against her back. Gaille stood up.

     “Sorry for the setbacks,” she said lowly.

     “It’s fine,” Kasimira replied. “As you can see, it’s worth it.”

     “It is.”

Gustl lowered Iris back to her feet, and she began gushing immediately, launching into her excitement about Gustl’s previous adventures. The actor they hired played their part well. They were good enough to almost convince Kasimira they were the real deal.

     “They do a crash course of your books?” she asked.

     “Big fan, actually.” Gaille tipped her head towards them. “Friend of the family. Been reading my books since the first one.”

     “Looks like we got lucky.”

     Gaille smiled. “That’s how I feel. It’s not often I get personally called out for my work.”

Gladiolus teased his sister; Iris immediately stuck her tongue out at him. Gustl pretended to chastise him, and Gladiolus backed down. Kasimira pardoned herself and stepped over towards her son. She wrapped an arm around his neck and attacked his cheeks with kisses.

     “Ah! Ma! C’mon.”

     “You don’t have those fat cheeks anymore,” Kasimira said, tugging on his left cheek. “I miss that.”

     “Ma…”

     “Alright, alright.” She smirked at him. “Thanks for helping me with your sister.”

     “Meh, she’s a brat, but she deserves this.”

     “You were no better.”

     Gladiolus looked absolutely scandalised. “Uh, if I remember correctly, you told me I was an angel.”

     “Yeah, a clingy one—”

     “Kasimira,” came a new voice.

She stood up straight at the call of her name and turned around. Aurora was standing in the doorway.

     “I don’t mean to interrupt, but… I was told to fetch you.”

     “Yeah. Yeah, sure, no problem.” She looked back to Gladiolus and patted his back. “You’re in charge now. Take lots of pictures.”

     “I will.” And then, as Kasimira started to draw away, he stopped her. “Ma.”

     “Yeah?”

Gladiolus hugged her. He always did when he could before she left. Every time without fail. She hugged him back and stroked his short hair. 

     « My little soldier boy, » she whispered against his shoulder. « You’re going to be as tall as me. »

Gladiolus huffed a laugh but didn’t say anything. She pulled away and went to Iris, who gave her a much tighter hug and a bunch more kisses.

     « Thanks, Mama. »

     « Of course, Dafyddil. Be good, okay? Or your brother’ll throw you in the gardens. »

     Iris giggled, and Kasimira kissed her cheek. When they parted, she nodded her head to Gustl. “Detective.”

     The actor smiled. “Ma’am.” 

     They shook hands, and Kasimira leaned in. “Thanks for this.”

     “My pleasure.” She could hear the smile in their voice. Finally, Kasimira wished Gaille goodbye, and she exited out of the room with Aurora, who said:

     “Looks like you were having fun.”

     “Just a belated party for Iris. Her birthday was last week.”

      “Oh yeah?” Aurora glanced over. Her expression was apologetic. “Sorry you missed it.”

     “Yeah, I hate it. A day or even a minute, it’s too much for me.”

     Aurora grinned. “Soft on your little girl?” She looked forward again.

     “Of course.” Kasimira reached over to nudge her companion with her arm. “Soft on both my kids.” She straightened herself up, and they marched side by side towards the stairs. “So, what’s the damage?”

     “I can’t say. I just know that word came from the council room to fetch you. Order of Sir Amicitia.”

     “Older or younger?”

     “Again, can’t say.”

     “Figured.”

Her nerves made her heart thrum throughout her entire body. This could have just been a routine. Maybe they just wanted to say hello. She saw her mother with the council members earlier. Kasimira pulled her phone out from her blazer’s inner pocket. No new messages. She checked the inside of her cheek and stashed it away again. There was the familiar tickle of dread on the back of her neck.

They walked in silence., Sometimes they nodded to those who recognised them. A Crownsguard was standing uncomfortably upright near a locked door. Her eyes were set straight ahead. Aurora stopped in front of the Crownsguard. This was where they needed to be. Kasimira brought her gaze to the door in front of her and took in its etchings. This was it. 

Aurora dismissed the Crownsguard, who merely saluted and left them alone. Kasimira let out a deep breath when Aurora knocked. A voice from the other side, and Aurora responded. The doors were opened for them. Aurora gave Kasimira a final glance, and only received a nod in response. The interior of the council room was well lit, but there was a heavy, dark aura hanging in the place. Maps were spread over the table. Ilse had her hand flat on a book, and she was pointing at something. 

She looked over to her daughter, and there was so heart-wrenching in her expression. Kasimira wanted to break form and go over to her. Instead, dread held her in place, and she kept her position. Aurora broke away to go sit, and the Crownsguard behind them closed the door. Kasimira took in one final, calming breath before clicking her feet together. She jutted up her chin.

     “Kasimira Amicitia. Kingsglaive reporting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much longer now — oh, I don't want this to end, y'all. I really don't.
> 
> Sorry to be behind on updates. My schedule got smashed, and I've just been picking up ever since. Regardless, enjoy the double upload. The rest will come soon~


	18. Our Last Embrace

The delegations lasted for hours.

Kasimira head a headache the size of Altissia, and the growing tension at the table wasn’t helping. Things were bad, maybe even worse than she thought, in Niflheim. Their previous soldiers were coming back all wrong. Out of the twelve that Fera took with her, eight in total were home. Fera still wasn’t among them, but there was still that ancient sense of hope that Kasimira felt stirring deep inside of her. But the hope was tainted and twisted. There was fear there too.

Aurora reported that the people getting into Duscae from Tenebrae were the ones who had been on those strange lists. Ilse and another council member had their documents spread out before them. Aurora had a third one, a checklist. Kasimira listened helplessly as Aurora called out the names, as Councilman Drusus called off their full information, and as Ilse confirmed them. The confirmation took the better part of ten minutes, but the speculation that followed at away years of Kasimira’s life.

The council wanted answers. They wanted to know where Aurora’s intelligence was coming from and how come no one could penetrate deep enough into Niflheim to figure out the source of these reappearances. Aurora, unable to give up the former, gladly talked at length about the latter. It was just too dangerous. 

     “We know they have a daemon,” she said. She tried for calm, but there was a strain in her voice that this suggested this wasn’t the first time she belaboured this point. “And after what happened to the Queen, we know that they have far more going on than we can anticipate.  _ But— _ ” She cut off the red faced councilman who wanted so desperately to speak. “This is exactly why we can’t go rushing in. We have to somehow worm our way to the inside through people who are already from there. If we send out our own, we’d waste too much time on debriefing and training to get anywhere.”

The councilman sat back and threw their hands up.

     “But we’re not giving up,” Regis said softly, but even he was resigned to the bleakness that was in front of them. “Since Kasimira missed it, can you tell her what you’ve done with those who’ve returned.”

     “We’ve started moving… survivors to Accordo. Many of them aren’t familiar with the area, and it would be easier to speak with them and figure out what they’ve learned. If they can remember anything. We have a facility in the West that’s well hidden and protected.” Aurora slowly rotated her thumbs around each other. “They’re not fully responsive enough to be considered a threat, I’m afraid.”

     “Afraid?” queried a councilwoman. Her hair was drawn back into a tight, grey bun.

     Aurora gave a pitying smile. “Because then it would feel as if they were still human.”

     Regis lifted his gaze from the number of maps on the table. “Do we have any idea what could have happened to these people?”

     “None, Sir. None that would prove helpful anyway. We’re speculating that the subjects have been exposed to an unspeakable level of trauma, but that doesn’t explain their near catatonic state. Perhaps, they’ve been exposed to drugs or mind-altering magicks. If it’s the latter, we’ll have a much harder time backtracking.”

     “But the chances are small,” Kasimira said at last. Her voice felt dry coming out. “Niflheim isn’t too fond of magick as a whole. I’ve heard they dabble, but they’re much more focusing on machinery and science.”

     “You wouldn’t be wrong.” Amaryllis took in a deep breath and pushed himself forward. He rested his hands on the table. After a thoughtful moment, he reached out to touch his fingers to one of the maps. “They’re moving in an unmistakable pattern towards us, but they’re disguising their true in fierce displays of power.” He turned over his hand as he spoke. “If they were planning for war, they would have unleashed their horrors more methodically. They would have sent a message that they’re coming. Prideful lot. But with this, they’re — or someone in their military ranks — is sending a message hinting towards something far more sinister.”

     “How many people do we have counted?” Regis asked, looking towards Ilse.

     She flipped through her papers slowly. “Forty-five, Your Majesty.”

     Regis gave a slight nod. “Forty-five.” He addressed the rest of the council. “Plus the eight from Fera’s mission that have been ‘returned’ to us. Who here knows the names of those working at the facility in Accordo?”

Ilse and Aurora raised their hands. 

     “Keep it that way,” Regis said solemnly. 

     “With all do  _ respect _ , Your Majesty,” said that fierce man again, and Kasimira was having an awfully hard time recollecting his name. She just knew that listening to him made her want to slap him. It was fine to be contrarian and raise valid points, but all this time, he kept blowing his top over every little thing. He was making the room antsy. She didn’t like that. “Wouldn’t it be smarter that we  _ all _ know who works there? If someone figures out that information on the outside, anyone could waltz in here and take us for fools.”

     “We have very strict fail-safe protocols in place that will alert the King if there is a breach in place,” Aurora said confidently. “And with Lady Ilse and I working together, we have taken the extra assurance that certain interactions are purely verbal. We return with our shorthand notes and share them with each other.”

     “But—” he started.

     “My Sir,” Ilse started, and her tone was firm like an agitated mother. “I’ve been running this game for far longer than you give me credit for. It’s been my business to listen to what I’m not supposed to hear and learn how to protect against such a thing happening to me. I’m not infallible. Six knows I’m not, but we’ve had this facility underway for almost twelve years. This is the first time you’re hearing about it. In those twelve years, we’ve been upping our security measures each time we learn of new ways outside forces can pose as a threat.”

     “Some council this makes!” the man shouted instead. “Nearly twelve years of secrecy, and it’s finally been broken. If I wasn’t asking the important questions, I never would have known.”

     “Sir,” Kasimira spoke this time, and her tone was far colder. She tired of hearing this man. “You’re exactly the type of person who doesn’t deserve to know this information.” The man looked appalled. “You’re loud, indignant, and you’d gladly shout over the rest of us to make yourself heard. If someone was smart enough to infiltrate, it would only take a few careful barbs to make your tongue loose.”

     The man started steaming, and she regarded the table at large. “I’m not saying this to be cruel, but we’ve to watch our manners from here on. The situation is dire, perhaps more so than we could have anticipated. If Niflheim is doing something insidious, then right now, all we have is each other on this front. Soon, we’ll have to address the entire council and let them know what’s happened.”

     She looked back to the man again. “Even  _ I _ didn’t know about this facility,  _ Sir. _ ” She said the title with vitriol. “But I’m doing my best to keep my head on.”

     “Kasimira is right,” Clarus broke his hours of silence, and it made everyone in the room focus on him. “We will have to bring this before the entire council, and we’ll need a damningly convincing argument as to why we kept our own people in the dark both in the Citadel and the general public.

     “The public,” he said, “is understandable. There isn’t a fraction of this plan we could have talked about that wouldn’t send the masses into hysteria. People coming up missing? Some branded with barcodes? It’s an impossible stretch of the imagination to think we could keep millions calm. This all reeks of Magitek, but we cannot begin to fathom how or even why. As far as our own people, we could claim we feared a leak, but the matters are steadily slipping out of our hand. If we want to enlist the Kingsglaive on this matter, we’ll have to start talking soon.”

     “And I’ll go when we deploy forces.”

Clarus’ attention snapped to her immediately. She could see logic and more at war in his eyes. She tried to make the decision easier for him. “I’ve been all across this continent and then some in my years, Clarus. My mother and I both know the expanse of the land, and she can’t come with me. I’ll need a small team to mobilise, and we’ll be feeding information to a second line following close behind just in case things go wrong.” She took her attention away from here. “There’s little we can do at this point that doesn’t feed into a war. We might as well do what we can to make sure we’re as prepared as we can possibly be. 

     “And with two, maybe three lines, moving to the front, we’ll be able to insure that you all get to know what’s happening out there.” She looked to Aurora. “Is there anyone left from Duscae that I can talk to that hasn’t already been moved?”

     “We’re still in the process of getting people out,” Aurora said, checking her files. “It’s a lengthy ordeal, but we can quarantine a few off to the side just in case. It’ll give you a more realistic understanding of what’s happening.”

     “Kasimira.”

She looked up again to Clarus. He was gritting his teeth, though the others might not have noticed the tension in his posture. He was so upright, so unmovable, but she could read him well.

     “Are you sure you want to do this? Our last expedition ended abruptly, and we both know how it turned out.”

_      ‘An absolute failure,’ _ she thought,  _ ‘to many extents.’ _

     “If I could think of something better, but we’re racing against an invisible clock here. The best we can do is just try to get feet on the ground for now. Play the rest by ear. Send me and a group to Duscae. We’ll exchange communication from there. If it’s safest, we’ll radio codes to describe our situation. We’ll just need someone to man a station here.”

     “That can be arranged,” the councilwoman said. She laced her fingers together on the table. “If that’s something we can agree upon.”

A murmur of agreement went up into the air, and it was the first of good news Kasimira heard from them all day. From there, more plans were laid out. Everyone seemed to fall together better. They knit together their thoughts and helped create something that Kasimira thought was foolproof. There was just the unexpected variable of Niflheim. Only the Astrals knew what they were up against, and that’s what she hated the most.

For a stretch of her mission, she would go in plainclothes and move in her uniform at night. It was easier to keep the team unified. Anyone could masquerade as an ally in the daytime, but at night, they would at least have to  _ try _ . They took an extended break to stretch their legs, and Kasimira was just glad to get out of the room. She walked down the hall, wanting and needing to be alone. She rubbed a hand over her face, thinking about what she volunteered for.

_      ‘This went badly for Fera. This could go just as poorly for me _ ,’ she thought.  _ ‘No. We’re not going near Niflheim. We’re safest in Duscae. We have fail-safes. We have plans. We have—’ _

A tight hand gripped on her arm and spun her around. Without thinking, she raised her free hand and summoned a curved dagger into her palm. She held it up, ready to strike in the jugular, but Clarus stared at her unflinchingly. Shock passed in a cold wave.

     “Claire?”

She had a second to drop the dagger. It dissipated into crystal fragments as Clarus brought their lips together in a bruising kiss. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held him close. Clarus slid his hands up to hold her face. He broke the kiss and touched their foreheads together.

     “You’re being foolish.”

     “I’m being a hero,” she joked softly. She didn’t feel like a hero at all. She felt very much like a fool.

     “Don’t you remember how this ended before?”

     “We’re not going to Niflheim, Claire. We…” She trailed off. Whatever logic she told herself had been frantic reminders, and she still hadn’t entirely believed it all. She smoothed her hand over his shoulder blades. “We’re better this time. We’re more prepared.”

     “We don’t feel prepared,” he said lowly. “Niflheim is doing something bigger than ourselves. When we learned about the daemons, that pushed us in different directions.”

     “What are we going to tell the Glaive? Aurora told us it was only  _ one _ daemon, just like the one that attacked the Queen, but that’s still enough to be an alarm. What are we going to tell the  _ Council? _ ” She sighed. “Stars, Claire. This is too much.”

     “It is. It’s why you should stay home.”

     “... I can’t.” She offered a weak smile when Clarus pulled away to look at her. “I can’t. It would eat me up to know that I could help keep everyone informed as to what’s going on.”

     “We need you here.”

     “You need me  _ out there _ more.” She slid her hands down to cup his neck. “I don’t want to go. I don’t. I really don’t, but I’m the most travelled of everyone I know in the Glaive. Maybe not the Crownsguard, but we’re the front line. We’re the A team, you know. We’re the ones the bad guys have to get through.”

     “Kasi…”

She closed the space between them with a gentle kiss. Clarus reached up to take her hand and gently stroked a thumb against it.

     "I’ll be safe,” she whispered against his lips. “And if I go down, I’ll give them hell first.”

     “You better.” They held each other’s gaze in the silence that followed. « I love you, Kasimira Nerthuz. »

     « I love you, Clarus Amicitia. » She licked her lips. “I’m doing this for home, for us, for the two scoundrels tearing up the Citadel.”

     Clarus smiled at that. “Did Iris like her gift?”

     “Loved it. I think we’re the best parents ever.”

     “Just might be.”

They stayed in each other’s arms. Though it wasn’t the most traveled part of the hall, anyone patrolling could easily stumble upon them. It wasn’t as if they would be easily embarrassed. They needed their time right now. Who knew if this would be all they had left.

_ ‘I don’t want to go,’  _ she heard herself say. And she meant it. If she backed away now, when there was a second chance in front of her to do something  _ right _ , she’d never forgive herself. She’d feel as if she failed to protect her family. Even if the odds were stacked against her and her would-be team, they could at least try their best for everyone else’s sake.

     “How long until we go back?” she asked.

     “Not too much longer. Ten minutes maybe,” he said quietly.

     “Let’s stay here for a little while then.”

He nodded and drew her into a side room that was unlocked. He took a chair, and Kasimira moved hers close to his. He threw an arm around her shoulders, and she pressed her face to his neck. She memorised the smell of him, the warmth of his skin, and the firmness of his body. If she kept this in her mind — this and the thought of her two beautiful children — she’d find a way to damn the odds and make her way back home.


	19. My Mission Starts

The preparations that followed took forever. Kasimira mentally fought with herself the entire time. She counted every minute, every hour. She ran through the various details with every council member. She and Aurora sequestered themselves off in a separate room, planning and replanning the different formations. Based on their plans, she would need a team of sixteen, including Kasimira, to stake out the major points of Duscae. Amaryllis and another officer helped her hand pick her team. She couldn’t do it with Clarus. One because he had to watch Regis but also because she wouldn’t be able to tear herself away from the Citadel if he was nearby. For now, they had to keep their distance.

As a special squadron, they needed their own uniform. She didn’t order many changes. Their traveling cloaks were solid black with a smoke grey lining. Their uniforms were a singular black with a dark blue trim. On the collar at the base of the neck had non sequential numbers. She wrote them down and memorised who they would go to. Afterward, she passed the note to the council. “So you know who’s who,” she said solemnly. Hopefully, it would minimise leakage risks.

She talked with the Elemancers to craft special tools. She easily danced around their more pressing questions and only discussed the different limitations of everyone in her group. Not everyone was great with magic, and they needed backup plans in case their spirits wore thin. The scholar-mages crafted and ran test products past her. In the end, they ended up coming up with little orbs of magic.

     “Be careful. These are dangerous,” one of them warned, handing over utility straps with the orbs attached. Each belt had six orbs on it. The Elemancer listed them all, making sure to note their different colours or patterns. “Even if your squadron isn’t proficient with magic, any one of them will be able to unleash these with the right amount of will.”

     “Gotcha,” Kasimira breathed out. “Thanks.”

     “Wait.” The Elemancer pulled out another orb. They took one of the belts and slotted the orb into an empty space.”This one is Warp. It’ll bring you back to the Citadel in case of trouble. But you can only use it once. So, be careful.”

     “Guess I’ll just have to stay out of trouble, huh?”

     The Elemancer sighed and gave her a look. “Be careful,” they said, more gently this time.

     She reached a hand out and shook theirs gratefully. “I will.”

After she had the orbs crafted, she made sure to show them to her team. Just as the scholar-mage had done, she listed out the name of each orb for everyone. She gave the group a pointed look.

     “You will be receiving these when we head out on the field. Do _not_ play with these. These are not toys. You will have a single deploy for each magick you have. Do not fuck it up.”

     “Ma’am!” everyone said at once, jutting up to attention.

     Whatever words she had were solid in her throat. She had never been in a position of power like this. Her brows twitched as she looked to each determined face. She dismissed them. “Go train.” She was happiest when she was left alone.

She had one fleeting moment to say goodbye to her family, and she took advantage of it. Iris cheered her on, telling her to be strong and kick butt.

     “I’m gonna kick everyone’s butt,” Kasimira agreed, “and I’ll even tell them Iris sent me.”

     “Yeah!” Iris thrust her fist into the air. Kasimira ruffled her hair fondly.

When it came to Gladiolus however, he was a lot more straight faced. He looked at her as if he was holding back some emotion. He probably was. Six above knew that she was. They walked towards each other, and Gladiolus held her in a fierce grip.

     “You be safe, Ma,” he muttered against her.

     She stroked his neck. “Take care, my little soldier.” She pulled away from him and squeezed his arms. “Take care of your sister.”

She meant to say it with a light tone, but the words were firm, pleading almost. Gladiolus gave a single nod and ducked his head. If he was about to be overcome, she’d give him his dignity and pretend she didn’t see. Clarus was harder to say goodbye to, but she had done it before. She told herself she could do it again. When it was time for her squad to leave, the council came to see her off. She stepped forward as the team leader and waved everyone off. She shook hands with the King and did the same with Clarus. They held each other’s gaze and each other’s hand in a fierce grip.

     “You better come home, Kasimira,” he said in a low voice.

     “Anything for you, Claire,” and she meant it.

     She pulled her hand away and twirled it in the air above her head. “Round ‘em up, boys. We’re heading out.”

The Kingsglaive let out a collective noise as they followed after her into the armoured vehicle. Once inside, Kasimira handed out the utility belts as promised. She clipped her own around her waist.

     “Again,” she started. “These are not toys. One bad move, and you could possibly blow up. I’d had for our mission to be jeopardized because someone couldn’t keep their hands to themself.” She reached up to hold the overhead rail. “Take this mission seriously. Pace yourselves. We’re monitoring any activity between Duscae and Tenebrae. No further. Do not make major decisions without my command. Do not _drift_ without my command.”

     “If you feel like you need to piss, it better be _on_ her command,” someone said. The group laughed.

     Kasimira felt herself smile. “Damn right. I don’t want no heroes,” she said. “We’re here for frontline recon. Not retrieval. If there are people who can be rescued, you report their location to the Crownsguard immediately. Let them deal with retrieval. From there, things’ll be handled by another comrade, not me.”

     “We get a name of this comrade?” another Kingsglaive prodded.

     Kasimira turned her head. She held their gaze as she let out a single, authoritative “No.”

No one challenged it.

     She sighed and adjusted her grip on the railing. “If you got any other questions, I suggest you ask it now. Once we’re on the ground, it’s go time.”

Thankfully, her team had a lot to ask and say. It kept her mind occupied; even though in the back of her mind, she heard herself say _“I don't want no heroes.”_ She forced herself to ignore it. _‘Stick to the plan,’_ she thought instead. _‘Just do the right thing.’_

She let out a steady breath and gave herself over to the questions and her team.

 

The first week and part of the second was a stakeout. On the second day of her stake out, she sent half of her team east and then went with the other half west. From there, they fanned out along the border of Duscae and waited. Hours passed with little change. “East team, head south,” she said into the communicator. Her team then headed north where they waited again. She repeated this process again on the fourth day where she flipped everyone’s position. The sixth day, her team went from north to east, and on the eighth, they went south to west. On the ninth day, they collected their findings. They made sure not to write anything down.

She designated two people to be in charge of sending radio transmissions back to the Citadel. They were in charge of relaying their status and certain things they witnessed on the field. If anything was truly important, Kasimira made sure to encode each message before dictating them to be relayed. Other than that, she trusted her broadcasters to get the right messages across.

By the start of the third week, they had nailed the routine. Kasimira felt comfortable enough to reduce the patrolling numbers down to eight and stationed each pair on a cardinal direction. Halfway through their shifts, they would fan out to the intermediate positions and then meet up again towards the end. It was the best thing to do. It was a logical use of their forces, but still, every command left Kasimira ill at ease.

 _‘Is this how Fera felt?’_ she thought. _‘So together and in control until everything went wrong?’_ She wrung her hands together. This wasn’t the best use of her thoughts. If she kept picking at the scab, she would only bleed and make a target out of herself. She needed to focus. _Focus_. She forced herself into the moment. When her mind began to wander too much, she tired herself out with strategy and rehashing details. It was usually enough to keep her preoccupied until midnight where her soldiers reported to her. She pulled one of the broadcasters aside and had them transmit their findings before heading to bed.

Before she realised it, a month had passed. She was stressed, but she was doing better than she thought she was. She thought her nerves would be frayed. She expected constant opposition, maybe even to find Nif spies posted in every corner of the city. Okay, maybe not that extreme, but with the way her mind kept running away from her, it probably would have been a welcomed change of pace.

But as it was, it was a month in and her team was still doing fine. She brought her hands up to her face and breathed deeply against her palms.

One step at a time…

She wished she had her journal, but it would have been foolish to leave a paper trail like that. Another thought that dawned on her was that she wished she had her mother or her father here with her. Not just because she missed them, but because perching on a Duscae tower or walking the quiet streets at night reminded her of the long ago sunsets and sunrises they used to share when traveling. She missed that. She missed that a lot, but those days were gone. She briefly wondered perhaps she should have said more on that front. She should have insisted she and her mother traveled more before Gladio came along. Maybe even after. She pursed her lips in thought.

Was it normal to have these kinds of thoughts? Everything felt so… final. One day, when out on her southern patrol, she stared out towards Lucis. Her heart was with them. Her heart was home. Right now, she was here, doing all she could to protect them. Missing them was fine, but if she gave in too much, she would sacrifice herself to distraction. She didn’t need that. They wouldn’t want that. But she couldn’t shake the feeling of the cold finality. She kissed her fingers and raised them towards the sun.

     “Be well,” she wished to her family. She needed to be stronger.

By the end of the second month, they expanded their reach. Kasimira began detailing the “hidden roads” she knew about that bridged Tenebrae and Duscae. She kept her reasons for knowing about them vague, and soon, her team witnessed for themselves that her information was reliable. Every now and again, they caught straggling refugees who begged for assistance. If Kasimira was present, she asked her usual questions before making sure that each refugee was clean.

She had done it before in the past. It was a safety precaution to make sure she and her parents never took on anyone dangerous. She allowed them to pat themselves down. She let them keep their dignity, but now, she felt bad about it. She was just being careful, especially with Niflheim doing the unspeakable and unthinkable. Even still, she just felt like a Big Brother type. Her team called back to Duscae’s Crownsguard and standard Kingsglaive to come make the rescue. By the time they came, Kasimira and her team were gone.

     “S’fucking boring,” one of her Glaive said, stretching out his legs.

     Kasimira passed through, kicking his boots aside. “How about you kiss my ass, Cascade? It’ll give you something to do.”

The rest of her group whooped and called at the burn. Cascade fanned his hands and made a face. She looked out to the others. “If you’re looking for something interesting, change into your plain clothes and head downstairs. Mingle, stretch your legs, get something to eat. Be back here at 2AM sharp. I don’t want you pups driving me crazy.”

     “Yes, ma’am,” a few of them replied.

     “Cut it with the ‘ma’am' shit,” she mumbled. “I’m not that old.”

     A heavy hand patted against her back. A taller woman with an athletic form grabbed Kasimira’s attention. “You sure don’t act it, either. Why don’t you come down? Have some drinks?”

Kasimira felt the lingering touch of the other woman’s fingers drift down her spine. She was flattered, honestly, and it was enough to relax her a bit.

     “You know what? I just might—”

A wide-eyed blond slid into the room and looked frantically around. They pointed at Kasimira and fanned for her to follow. Kasimira sighed.

     “— Just might have to pass,” she said instead.

The other woman let her go with a nod. There was disappointment in her eyes. Kasimira clapped her on the arm before following the blond, who led her downstairs and over to their radio post. They had to climb the featureless building silently. There was another member of her force already standing near the radios. Kasimira acknowledged them with a nod, and the blond handed her the radio headphones. Kasimira slipped them on before sitting in the rickety chair.

     “Hello?”

_“Identify yourself.”_

     “087,” she said immediately. “Read me?”

 _“Copy that.”_ Aurora sighed deeply. _“Do you think you’ll be able to get away?”_

     “What’s wrong?”

_“I have something you need to see. I’m on the east side, not too far from your location.”_

     “I’m pretty fast.”

     Aurora laughed. _“Meet me near Ultimos, and I’ll pick you up.”_

     “Roger that. I’ll meet you there.” She pulled the headphones off and stood up from the table. She looked to the blond. “Tell Herz and Piques that they’re in charge until I get back.”

The blond looked at her before nodding quickly and disappearing off the edge of the post. Kasimira turned herself east, and she held out the headphones to the Glaive that remained.

     “Keep an ear to the ground. Turn in around midnight and let them now we’ll be off-air until three in the morning.” She tipped her head and lowered her voice. “Be discreet.”

The headphones were taken with a determined nod, and Kasimira headed off to her new target. It would be good to see a familiar face again, even if it was under poor circumstances. Heading east, she eventually came across a clothing boutique named Ultimos. It was already closed, but the display windows were still dimly lit. Kasimira dropped down in front of the jade green door and looked around. It didn’t seem as if anybody noticed her. She paced while she waited.

She wasn’t nervous. Furthermore, she didn’t even feel anxious at all anymore. Her mind was numbed by that day to day of being on duty away from home. But other than that? The fears and worries she carried with her almost vanished. The realisation left her feeling cleansed, maybe even at ease. It was possible because she was so absorbed in her mission that she didn’t waste energy on anything else. She ran her fingers over her arms and smiled a bit to herself.

Somehow, this was comforting. She laughed a bit when she thought about one of her own trying to hit on her. Looked like everyone was looking for their own sense of comfort. Thinking wasn’t everyone’s way. She just hoped that they found something that wouldn’t throw them off their game for the rest of the mission.

Lights flickered against the wall, and Kasimira turned to see a coupe driving up to her. The lights flicked again. Kasimira waited until the car was even with her. Aurora dipped over to the side and reached over to unlock the passenger door.

     “Get in,” she said in a breath.

     “Nah, I kinda like it out here.” Kasimira spun around and motioned to the boutique. “Look at the clothes in here. They’re pretty nice.”

     “Kas,” Aurora said. There was humour in her voice. That’s all Kasimira wanted.

     “Alright. Alright, I’ll get in.” And she did.

She closed the door behind her and buckled herself in. Aurora drove under the cover of darkness through the Duscae streets. They continued in silence for a while. Kasimira constantly checked the rear view and her passenger side mirrors until they were out of the main city limits.

     “So, what’s up?”

     “I’m getting ready to escort a group that’s been here in quarantine, but I wanted you to see them first.”

     “How long have they been here?”

     Aurora made a face as she thought. “Almost six months?”

     Kasimira stared at Aurora’s profile. “How come I’m just now hearing about it?”

     “Because they’ve been… unpredictable. They match up with missing persons records, just like the others, but there’s something about their behaviours that’s unstable.”

     “Unstable,” Kasimira repeated with a frown. She sighed and looked forward. “What has Niflheim done to these people?”

     “Anyone that’s been unlucky enough to be in reach of the Nif Empire is a target, Kas. We’re talking millions and millions of people. WIth that kind of subject pool, whatever they can do, they will.”

     “So, anything and everything?” Kasimira shook her head. “Great.”

     “The specifics though, we’re still figuring it out. I’ll be sure to give you the rundown of what I told the King and the council after I move these people.”

     “What’s the short of it?”

Aurora glanced over to Kasimira. The look in her eyes was troubled. When she faced forward again, there was a long pause. “I’m a little worried, Kas. There’s some kind of… magick attached to some of them. These new people, that is. I’ve asked the King for one of his Elemancers. I need an expert on the subject. It’s the small things about them. Their eyes, their skin, their movements. Taking them to the facility would be safest. At least there we can— augh, I don’t want to say test, but we can _test_ these abilities. See what they can do.

     “The good thing about this is if we can figure out how to help these people, then we can perhaps learn something new about human potential. It might help us work together with magick and harmonise ourselves.” Aurora laughed. “Six, that sounds so _cosmic_ , but I guess that tends to happen when you talk about things like this.”

     “It does.” Kasimira ran her fingers over her lips thoughtfully.

They drove outside of the Duscae limits, but they didn’t go very far. They approached a massive caravan under a dark tarp. Aurora parked the car and reached for the keys.

     “Ready?”

     “Yeah.” Kasimira didn’t take her eyes off the caravan. “We’ve got no time to waste.”

Aurora killed the engine, and both women stepped out of the car at the same time. Kasimira lagged long enough to let Aurora take the lead. Their boots crunched over dirt and rock. Someone stepped out of the caravan closest, pulled their hat off, and ran their fingers through their hair. Their entire posture was tense, frustrated even. They heard Aurora and Kasimira approach, looked over their shoulder, and gave Aurora a terse nod. She returned it silently before reaching out to claspe the edges of the door frame. She tugged herself inside. Kasimira watched as the other person stormed away to clear their head. Without wasting another moment, she followed Aurora inside.

There were a few people still inside. They had sick masks on their faces while doing a mix of activities: rifling through cabinets, reading books, or taking notes. Aurora spoke to them in a language Kasimira didn’t understand as she passed. The occupants glanced to Aurora before settling their attention on Kasimira. Their gaze was unwavering. Kasimira frowned before ducking her head and pressing closer to her friend towards the back of the caravan.

     “They’re weird,” she whispered hastily.

     “They are,” Aurora agreed, “but they get the job done.”

     “Yeah, but—”

Kasimira’s words were cut off as she and Aurora were offered face masks and gloves. She slipped on the proffered items without complaint. It was probably for the best. She didn’t really have a retort or question for Aurora anyway. They were given plastic suits to slide on. Kasimira gave the plastic outerwear a look, but she didn’t say anything about them either.

When they were ready, Aurora raised a half curled fist and knocked in code against the door. It opened seconds later. The two women were hurried inside. The door closed behind them.

     “Are they sick too?” Kasimira asked, standing at Aurora’s side.

     “It’s just a precaution,” Aurora said.

Inside the room was one field medic and three people sitting on a table. Kasimira stepped forward towards one of the people sitting. She was a frightfully pale woman. She had a burn on one side of her face, another on her wrist, and a cleft upper lip. Kasimira looked over to the medic. “Can I get a light, please?” The medic took a pen light from the silver rolling tray and handed it over to Kasimira. “Thank you,” she said gently.

Kasimira clicked on the light and waved it in front of the woman’s face. No physical reaction. The woman didn’t even seem to take note of her. She glanced over her shoulder to Aurora before leaning into the silent woman. Kasimira waved her pen light in circles in front of the woman’s eyes, which were so brown they were almost black. Up close, Kasimira was able to differentiate between pupil and iris. The light danced over the woman’s glassy eyes, but still, there was nothing. Her pupils gave the slightest waver. Ultimately, though, they stayed in place.

 _‘Weird,’_ Kasimira thought. Her body obviously wanted to have some kind of reaction, but nothing happened. She clicked off the light and jabbed the woman above the right knee. When there was no response, she tapped the woman sharply with the light under her left knee.

     “Nothing,” Aurora huffed slightly. Kasimira moved onto the next person.

The second patient was a glassy eyed teenager. Their shirt was slipping off their shoulder. Without thinking, Kasimira corrected it. The teenager looked down to where they were touched, but they didn’t move their head again. Kasimira frowned a little.

     “Hey there,” she greeted softly. “You okay?”

The teenager lifted their head and just stared. At her, _through her_. They didn’t say anything. Kasimira lifted up the pen light.

     “I’m going to test your eyes, okay?”

The teenager blinked but said nothing. Kasimira went ahead and repeated what she had done for the other woman. When she finally leaned it, she noticed that the teenager’s eyes were pretty flecks of brown and green. Some might have argued hazel, but this wasn’t quite right. The hues were fragmented, sectioned off. It was like an odd kind of heterochromia. Each colour had its own layer.

Without warning, the teenager’s hand snapped up and clapped Kasimira on the wrists. She jumped, but then she flicked her free hand backwards to keep the others at bay.

     “Relax,” she said calmly to the teenager, to her companions, to herself. “... I’m not here to hurt you.”

     The teenager continued staring, this time over her shoulder, and they leaned in. “Ramuh, Titan, Shiva, Leviathan, Bahamut, Ifrit,” they whispered, their voice soft and melodic.

     The Hexatheon? “What about them?”

     “All gone,” the teenager said. “All gone.”

They sat back and let Kasimira go. Afterward, they immediately went static. Frigid. Inhumanly immobile. Kasimira ignored the unsettled feeling she felt creep down over her spine. What she wouldn’t do for a drink right now.

She approached the last person with more caution now. Aurora was closer behind her now. The last patient was that kind of _different_ Aurora was warning her about in the car. Kasimira felt the ripple of magic before she got too close. She stopped in place, and the last woman craned her neck back. Her skin had thick veins, which were pulsing and radiating an unnatural colour. Around her wrists were tight silver bracelets. They were digging into her skin, and she didn’t seem to mind. Deep purple bruises spread over her skin. Kasimira stared at them, and she soon realised that the “bruises” were somewhat moving.

     Aurora reached out to pull Kasimira back. “She’s one of the reasons I’m calling the Elemancer.”

     “Are there any others like this?”

     “Not like this. Not like her.”

The woman looked as if she was laughing, but the noise that came out was barely human at all. The other two patients swayed in their seats as if they were being shaken. Once the laughing stopped, they stilled again. This time, they lowered their heads and looked at the floors. Aurora kept her hand on Kasimira and backed her out of the room. The field medic opened the door from them. Kasimira handed them back the pen light, and the door was soon closed in front of them. She let out a deep sigh as they began removing the safety garments.

     “So, how many more are like them?”

     “Out of what we’ve got, I’ll say ten, maybe twenty others.” One of the caravan occupants walked over with an open trash bag, and Aurora threw her items in there. “But that was the last time I’ve checked. There could easily be more now. They could have delayed awakenings.”

     “Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Kasimira threw away her items as well.

     “One thing at a time, Kas.” Even still, Aurora frowned. “Maybe it might be safer if you were on my side.”

     “It’s too late to just change plans now. The minute we do, that’s when everything’ll go wrong.”

     “Just stick to the plan,” Aurora said. “But now you know what we’re dealing with.”

     “Is there any way to subdue them?”

     “Yeah, but… Just keep doing what you’re doing now.” She quirked her fingers for Kasimira to follow her out of the caravan. Once they were outside, Aurora lowered her voice. “Don’t call the Crownsguard though. Call me.”

     “How will you get to them?”

     Aurora smiled. “I have my ways, but what you’re doing out there, keep doing it. Keep focused. If we start getting your people mixed in with our mission, wires’ll get crossed, and things will get messy.”

     “Avoid messy. Got it.” Kasimira smoothed her hands along her lower back and then looked up towards the sky. The moon was waning; soon, it would be empty. She followed the outline of the dark side before letting out a small breath. “What are we doing here, Rora?”

     “Our best? Mad things?”

     “Little bit of everything?”

     “Yeah.”

     Aurora laughed gently, saidly. She reached out to pat Kasimira on the arm. “Let’s get you back before your team worries.”

     “Please, while I’m gone, they’re probably dancing the night away.” Kasimira followed Aurora to the car.

     “Maybe you should join them. Forget everything for a while.”

     Kasimira debated on it. She ran her hand over the rectangular slat over the passenger door. She shook her head. “Nah, I think I should keep aware for a while. Keep on my toes.”

     “Me too.” Aurora met her gaze over the car. “But one of these things, we’ve got to go out for something to eat.”

     “Maybe grab a drink if you’re into it?”

     “Definitely.”

Aurora unlocked the door, and they both slid back into the coupe. Kasimira stared at the medical caravan for as long as it was in view. When Aurora turned the car around, Kasimira forced herself to focus forward.

She didn’t look back.


	20. My Small War

_ Kasimira wandered into the quarantine zone. A field medic in all white held open the flimsy door of the medical tent. She started to say thank you, but the medic turned and left without a word. It was blinding the way they went. So, she focused forward and entered the tent alone. _

_ The interior of the tent was covered in plastic save a sliver of empty space on the floor that Kasimira could walk on freely. A faint wind rustled the plastic in the back; unnatural sunlight peeked through the tent and illuminated the floor in columns.  _

_      “How many have we got?” A disembodied voice said. _

_      “Eight. There’s still more missing.” _

_      “Dammit all. We just can’t keep losing them.” _

_      “Can’t lose what you can’t find.” _

_ The following laughs echoed insidiously through the tent. Kasimira turned her head in the direction of the voices and scowled. The voices  _ sounded  _ familiar, but she couldn’t pinpoint them. When she looked ahead again, there was someone sitting on the only medical table not wrapped in plastic. _

_ A woman with coiled dark brown hair was facing Kasimira. She had a fierce grip on the edge of the table. So much so that her knuckles were literally turning white. Kasimira reached out a hand. _

_      “Hey, you shouldn’t…” She could feel her words dying off. Her voice fizzled in her throat. _

_ The other woman rocked dangerously forward, but the table didn’t budge underneath her. She held Kasimira’s gaze until it became uncomfortable, invasive. Kasimira tried to look away but she couldn’t. Instead, the world shifted around her, and she was suddenly drawn closer to this woman. The woman’s brown hair bled into streaks of dark copper. Before all of her hair changed, the roots began to fade white-grey. _

_      “What will you do? What will you do?” _

_ The tent began to shake; the ground under their feet trembled. Kasimira started to lose her footing, but the woman remained still. Kasimira looked around, trying to find something stable to hold onto, but there was nothing in reach. There was nothing and no one but the woman on her table. Kasimira looked back. The woman had familiar piercing eyes that drilled down into her core. _

_      “Will you follow my footsteps?” _

_      “Fera!” Kasimira cried out and thrust a hand forward. _

_ The world was swallowed by the external light. The ground gave away. Kasimira couldn’t call to the power of the crystal. There was no way to close the gap, to put her on that still floating table beside Fera. She just watched as the space between her and her mother-in-law became greater and greater. She tried to call out, but fire built in her throat. There was a painful surge over her arms. Kasimira curled her hands into fists. _

_ Her body collided with a liquid surface. She drew in a deep breath. Her lungs flooded, but it didn’t hurt. She kicked her legs and swam in a circle. When she came upright, she reached her hands forward. Her palms pressed against rounded glass, but looking out was horrific. Before her were rows of other people in tubes. Their faces were familiar. The list of refugees from long before came to her mind as well as Fera’s ‘rescued’ team members.  _

_      The people in tubes opened their eyes and turned their head towards Kasimira. “Will you become one of us?” they asked in an eerie chorus. _

_ Kasimira shook her head. She bashed her fists against the glass and screamed. _

“No!” she shouted out loud. She jumped up in place and quickly took in her surroundings. She was in the hideout, curled up in the window where she had fallen asleep. Most of her team was scattered throughout the room, sleeping wherever was most comfortable for them. She brought her hands up to her face and let out a shuddering sigh.

     “You okay, Boss?” asked a gritty voice.

     Kasimira took a moment and then dropped her hand. “I’m okay, Herz. I just had a nightmare.”

She looked up to her soldier. Herz was lean with a rough complexion. They had a bad left eye they often kept covered with a bandana. Right now, they had an eyepatch over it instead. Their short hair was sticking up oddly, and they had a mug in their right hand. She smirked at them.

     “Sleep well?” she asked.

     “Yeah, I slept alright. Don’t think I can say the same for you.”

     “It was fine,” Kasimira countered tiredly. She kicked her feet to the side. Someone was sleeping under where she was. She touched down on the ground with the balls of her feet, so she didn’t disturb them. “It was just the last bit.” She pushed up into a standing position and shakily balanced herself. She hopped over the sleeping body and landed beside Herz. 

     “How about some coffee?” they offered.

     “Anything’ll be good. Thanks.”

Herz merely nodded and took a drink as they led her into the kitchenette. There were two more unconscious bodies here. Someone was sleeping at the small table while another person was underneath it. Kasimira couldn’t help but laugh.

     “We’re really roughing it, huh?”

     “Hardly,” Kyng said. She looked the most composed out of everyone. She had her platinum blond hair pulled back behind her head. She was already wearing her specialised Kingsglaive uniform, though the blazer wasn’t fastened at all. 

     Herz jutted up their chin. “Coffee.”

     “On it,” she replied. She turned to grab another mug and reached out for the coffee pot.

     “Any plans for today, Boss?”

     “I’m thinking I’ll split the patrol,” Kasimira said softly. “Send some up north towards Tenebrae and station the others here. I want to examine the main roads, and if we have time — or maybe even tomorrow — we can start crawling the hidden roads.”

     Herz nodded. “I like it.”

     “I’m surprised we haven’t had that much trouble. Some creatures here and there, but nothing really else,” Kyng said. She walked over and carefully handed Kasimira over the mug.

     Herz frowned deeply. “Don’t do cursing us, Ky.”

     “You’re right, but I’m just saying.”

     “Let’s just count our good luck, okay? I might need you two to take over certain teams. I’ll try to man the radios for most of the day.”

Her soldiers made a noise of acknowledgement. Herz took a drink, and Kyng crossed her arms over her stomach. Kasimira sighed and turned to leave the kitchenette. She brought her mug up to her face.

     “I’ll get dressed. I need to do something for a bit. When I get back, we’ll wake everyone else and get started.”

     “Yes, ma’am,” the other two replied. Kasimira took a sip from her mug. The caffeine helped start her up again. It was a searingly hot reminder that this was real. She sighed against the rim and collected her uniform. Only because she needed any little thing to keep her grounded did she let Herz and Kyng’s ‘ma’am’ comment for now.

  
Kasimira started out over Duscae from where she was perched on the edge of the tower. Dame, one of her broadcasters, was relaying the information that Kasimira gave her. She spoke efficiently and succinctly. When she was quiet, she listened with intent. Her focus was almost enviable. When she was finished, she hooked her headphones around her neck and let out a deep sigh. Kasimira kicked away from the ledge. She patted Dame on the shoulder before saying,

     “Good work. Take a break and then meet the others on the south end.”

     “Will do,” Dame said in a breath. She turned and looked to Kasimira. “Hey, Captain?”

     “Yeah?” 

     “... How bad is it? What we’re up against…”

     Kasimira let out an even breath through her parted lips. “It’s bad. It’s probably bigger than all of us. We’ll spend another week here, and then we’re getting out of here. Won’t do us any good to linger.”

     “Yeah.”

Dame frowned deeply, but then she faced forward once again. She didn’t say anything else, but Kasimira waited for her to. She waited for doubt, more questions.  _ Something _ . Nothing came. She turned away from Dame entirely and then warped away from the radio post. She looked up at the sky. Augh, it was still morning… It was going to be one of those days that just dragged on forever, wasn’t it?

At least it was beautiful — clear skies and stretched out clouds. She enjoyed the sun beating down on her as she ran across the rooftops towards the rest of her team. Moving like this felt almost like flying, and she couldn’t believe that there was a time when she didn’t experience this. Even her time in the Crownsguard couldn’t beat this. She chucked her dagger, and it sank into the side of a building. She pressed her feet against the wall and stared down at the passers-by. Had anyone noticed her shadow? Was there someone watching in amazement from one of the windows? She laughed before lifting her head and taking in her surroundings from her vantage point. She felt like a superhero.

By the time she reached the others, she was in a much better spirit now. She dropped to the ground in a column of mixed blue and white particles. As she rose to her feet, her crew whistled and cheered. She rolled her eyes at their dramatics. At least they were feeling fine too. She divided up the teams. Since there were fifteen of them standing there now, she was able to evenly divide the teams up into sections: five would head to Tenebrae; another five would follow but would ultimately just be patrolling the roads; and the other five would stay here.

     “Right, but Dame’s not here,” someone said.

     “She already knows her orders; she’ll stay here with the home team,” Kasimira added.

There was a murmur of agreement all throughout, and Kasimira looked left and right between the three groups standing in front of of her. She sighed softly through parted lips.

     “I want to tell you all how much I appreciate you coming with me on this little trip. I know it hasn’t exactly been the most exciting, but we’ve uncovered more than you know. Once we run information through the higher ups, I’ll be sure to let you all know what we all truly came out here for.”

     “Really appreciate that,” Cascade said, drawing the group’s laughter as always.

     Kasimira rolled her eyes. “Maybe I’ll keep you out of it, Cascade. You know, just for being a thorn in my side as usual.”

     “Aw, c’mon, Captain.”

     “Hush.” She raised up a hand and swept her hand up with a smirk. One more glance over, and she said, “I need my traveling teams to ready the cars. Everyone else, just tend to your home duties as always. I’ll radio you if I need anything.”

Her groups saluted before breaking off. Kasimira followed the majority of the team to where they kept their jeeps parked. She ran her hand over the sleek shock bars before climbing into the back. Tableau, the silent blond, took the driver’s seat and wrapped their fingers around the steering wheel. Everyone else climbed into their cars and took their preferred positions. Kasimira ran over the plan one more time just in case, and she received a uniform cheer in response to her “Got it?”

     She let out another breath, and her chest felt heavy. Her lungs felt full. “Alright, let’s get out of here.”

The engines revved to life seconds within each other. Her jeep vibrated under her feet, and she grabbed the top of the bars on either side of her. She stared out straight ahead, her lips set into a straight line. Soon, they’d be able to get out of this place. She had a plan for what they could do to help the victims of Niflheim. She just needed a chance to put her thoughts together before pitching it to Regis. They would have to work with the Duscae government to see things through without raising suspicion. 

She closed her eyes, brows knitting together as she rubbed her palm over her face. There was so, so much work ahead of them, but in the end, it was all doable.

Once they were out of the Duscae limits, the first car hit the gas and took off in front of them. Tableau beeped the engine of their car twice. Kyng in the leading car laid into the horn for a few seconds before stopping.  _ ‘Break a leg,’ _ Kasimira thought as she watched their car race towards the Niflheim border. She never thought when there would be a day when she would adamantly  _ hate _ a country. The citizens, by and large, were fine and all, but at this point, even the mere mention of Niflheim made her skin crawl. She wondered if Aurora felt the same.

Kasimira was so zoned out that she almost didn’t catch the foreign language being spoken right underneath her. She blinked and brought herself back into the moment.

     She heard a grainy laugh and then, “You say it like you’re trying to lick food out of your gums.”

     “It’s an odd word,” Herz countered defensively. “Say it again.”

     “Nah. You’ll just mess it up again.”

Herz bucked, looking as if he was going to throw a punch. His friends laughed and flinched away, even if they weren’t the ones being targeted. Kasimira smirked.

     “You’re all like a punch of puppies. So fiesty and always nipping at each other.”

There were collective groans, but Tableau only silently laughed with a shake of their head. Kasimira readied herself to say something but then heard a voice in her ear.

_      “Captain, this is Schelle. We’ve supposed refugees on our right. We can see them advancing towards some kind of van or bus. Do you want us to call Crownsguard?” _

Kasimira immediately thought back to what she saw in Aurora’s medical caravan. She looked up and saw that Kyng’s jeep had slowed down. She couldn’t hear the growl of its engine from back here.

     She responded back with, “Negative. Team and I will investigate before making the final call.”

_      “Copy that. Moving on.” _

Immediately after, Kasimira heard the engine rev once again. Kyng’s jeep lurched forward—

—and things happened all too quickly.

There was a bright glow maybe ten yards away from where the jeep was, and then there was an explosion. A shockwave of energy flew towards the jeep, and it went flying. Herz jumped up in his seat. He popped his head up through the open top of the jeep.

     “Kyng!” he yelled. “Everyone is—” He twisted back to look at Kasimira. “Captain, what happened!”

     “Tableau, pull over now,”  she ordered instead.

As she spoke, Tableau nodded and quickly pulled the jeep off the room. There was a loud mournful wail from a collection of voices. The wailing morphed into something inhuman like the sound of metal groaning and folding under an incredible weight. 

     “Jeep’s not safe,” she said as she climbed on top of the jeep. “Check for survivors. Help hide the injured!”

Another rousing cheer, and the others began to warp away from her. She used her vantage point to see if she could spot the van from here. Most she could make out past the rolling and beautiful topography was a thicket of smoke. She briefly debated about launching herself into the air to get a better view, but just as she convinced herself it was a bad idea, people began to rush towards the street. She only make out much detail from where she stood, but one thing she knew for certain was that they were all walking strangely. They hobbled like they had been gravely injured.

And there was still that god awful wailing. 

Most, if not all, of the people she met thus far had been unnervingly silent. This was, in her opinion, worse. The noise reached her deep from head to toe, scraping every internal part of her, and it disturbed her ineffably. She watched the group, and it didn’t take her long to realise they were headed for her team. She kept her head on straight and conjured a weapon. She tossed it towards the team and felt her body follow along with it.

She was able to join in the fray just as it was getting started. Someone in Kyng’s jeep had been thrown out of the vehicle and was currently being tended to along with one other who was severely injured. Kyng herself was dazed and struggling to keep herself up. Kasimira went to her side.

     “You need to hide,” Kasimira ordered.

     “I’m fine,” Kyng said defiantly. She raised her weapon up to fight. “Won’t get rid of me that easily.”

     Kasimira pursed her lips and drew in a deep breath. “Shadow me,” she replied on the exhale, “and keep yourself out of reach. Use magic if you have to.”

     “Got it.”

Kasimira hated this fight. They were less than people. Their eyes were glowing, and in spite of the uncomfortable depth of their siren song, their attackers’ mouths were all shut. Their mouths never once opened. Kasimira’s throat felt tight as she cleaved her way through. There had to be a dozen or more of them. They threw their bodies and swung their fists, but they weren’t  _ threatening _ per se. Herz looked over his shoulder towards Kasimira, and she shook her head. She had no idea what to make of this let along expect.

Their attackers laid on the ground all around them. Kasimira scratched her forehead with the hilt of her dagger. “What was that about?” someone started, but all at once, there was a magical charge all over the fallen bodies. Kasimira’s team warped out of the way, making sure that they were all out of immediate reach. It was then that Kasimira heard something — felt something in the air. WIthout knowing why, she turned her head towards where the mindless mob had come from. There was an armoured figure of black and red approaching. They held out a massive sword of the same at their side, and their left hand was lifted up. Whatever they were holding shattered into pieces. The charge around the bodies on the floor became lively. Kasimira brought her attention to the threat in front of her, truly conflicted as to where her eyes should go.

The bodies wailed again; the metal-groaning became louder, and it made Kasimira’s teeth chatter. Without thinking, she took a step backwards. She glanced over towards the figure, and she watched it leave in that exact instance. A pain-filled moan erupted. Kasimira followed it, and she watched as the armoured individual stabbed her wounded soldiers, her  _ friends _ . 

“No!” she cried out, conjuring double daggers from the Royal Armiger. As she did, a large hand swept out at her, knocking her far away from where she was previously standing. She heard voices—“Captain!”—but they were drowned out by the wail that now turned into a growl. Kasimira’s head hit the ground and dragged along until her body finally stopped. She coughed and blew out dust from her nose.

She could smell the magic in the air now, and whatever it was tasted old—no,  _ ancient. _ Just like the magic of the Crystal she and the others tapped into. But this was twisted. This filled her with dread, and it didn’t feel entirely right. She couldn’t place her finger on it. She set her hands flat on the ground and pushed herself onto all fours. She lifted her head and watched as a daemon formed. This centaur-like creature wasn’t like the rare and fierce beasts. These were made from human means as sickening as the literal truth of it all was. It was a fusion of people and things. It would have been a passing imitation of a Sleipnir-descendent fiend if it weren’t for the imperfections poking here and there. Fingers out of an arm, a face on the chest. Had this been formed from the magic that the armour figured used? What had Niflheim found? What were they trying to do? 

Kasimira gasped. Speaking of the armoured figure, she began looking around. They were engaged in a battle with Kyng and another member of her team. They were putting their all into the fight, but this unknown assailant was far beyond their skill. That much was painfully evident. She pulled open her blazer and switched her radio to Aurora’s channel. It was a one-way channel, unfortunately, but at least she could leave a hurried message.

     “Aurora, be sure to separate the magickally afflicted people you found. Niflheim’s made monsters out of them, literally. You’ll need more than an elemancer,” she said quickly as she gathered herself onto her feet. 

It wasn’t enough detail, but it was enough to pass as a warning. She opened out her hands, and a weighted dagger, unlike her usual, set into her palms. She’d help with the armoured figure for now. The centaur daemon  wasn’t nearly as much of a threat right now. 

Kasimira threw her dagger, and it grazed against the armoured shoulder of their human assailant. She traveled with it, and when she reappeared, she did a flip in the air and landed on her feet. Without missing a beat, she clashed her daggers against the broad side of the sword. Up close, this person looked like a dark knight and were thoroughly intimidating. She wouldn’t and didn’t cower, even when they snapped their attention to her solely. 

She couldn’t see any eyes, but the dark knight look from her to her two soldiers. Kyng was, by far, the weakest in this trio. She was still injured and probably even more so now that she had thrown herself into this fight. Magic went off over the dark knight’s shoulder, either shattering or glowing in its use. The Sleipnir beast cried out and reared back. When its feet came down, the ground shook violently under everyone’s feet. Only the dark knight didn’t seem affected. If anything, they took advantage of the sudden weakness. They repelled Kasimira and struck out towards the other member of Kasimira’s team. They cried out in pain as they were sliced through. Kasimira growled loudly and closed the space again. Kyng attacked with her weapon, cutting through the air with precise strikes and jabbing at their shared assailant.

“Good. Strike true,” the figure taunted. They raised a foot and stamped Kasimira in her chest. She was knocked back once more, and they focused solely on Kyng. They were playing with her. Her injuries were starting to get the better of her, but she wasn’t going to easily relent. Kasimira heard a cry, and she looked up. She saw Cascade’s body get thrown into the air before he was grabbed and crushed. His body went limp, and then he was thrown down at another one of his colleagues. Someone screamed his name, and Kasimira stopped herself from doing the same.

In retaliation to this disrespect, more magic went off and fended off the creature. Kasimira ran over to her fallen colleague’s bloody body. She reached down to grab the utility belt of spell orbs. She grabbed one at random and chucked it at the dark knight, who flinched away from the impact. Kyng jumped back away herself as a sudden blossom of ice crystals jutted out and stabbed into the armoured body. The dark knight groaned in pain. Kyng scrambled and grabbed a spell orb. She tossed fire, and it exploded against the unknown person’s front.

Kasimira moved inward. Because she was holding the discarded belt in one hand, she had to abandon the dagger that was previously there. It was fine. She could improvise.

     “I’m out!” someone shouted as Kasimira sliced at their foe with her still remaining weighted weapon.

     “Me too!”

     “Keep going!” Herz cried out. “We’re weakening it.” 

Kasimira didn’t look up to check, but she believed him. Her attention was focused more on the battle she was a part of. And damn, was it ever a fight. This dark knight figure was not giving in, and Kyng was slowly down even more. At one point, she just collapsed, dropping down to one knee and fighting to catch her breath. The heavy, black and red sword swung down, and Kasimira threw herself in front of it. 

     "Not a chance!” she huffed.

     This dark armoured foe laughed. “So you’re quick,” the voice teased, amused. “But will it be enough to save you?”

She narrowed her eyes as they laughed. It echoed hollowly in their helmet. 

     “Kyng, fall back!”

     “I won’t leave you!”

     “You are quick, and she is foolish,” the dark knight said. “But isn’t always the case for some?”

They sounded all too amused by the situation. What was worse was that they didn’t sound breathless at all. Not that Kasimira could tell anyway. The daemon gave one baleful cry, and it began to fall. Kasimira and the dark knight both looked. She huffed a laugh. They did it. But she didn’t waste time on a celebration. While the knight was distracted, Kasimira came up with a plan. She reached out for the barrier orb. In spite of its namesake, the spell orb itself felt brittle in her hold once fully extended. She cracked it in her hand, and the spell coated her body in a cold layer. She shuddered underneath the spell. She then turned and reached down towards Kyng. 

     “Ice,” she whispered.

Kyng quickly grabbed the spell orb, and Kasimira fastened it into the loose notch on the belt. She swiftly removed fire and opened out the orb. “Scatter!” was about as much of a warning she felt to give. She threw the utility belt at the knight, and the fire spell followed after. The reaction was  immediate. The explosion was a horrible mix of magic, and Kasimira felt herself get launched away. She heard the magic protecting her body crack, and then it shattered once she hit the ground again. This time, she managed to use the momentum to her advantage. She flipped over and slid backwards on one knee. Her fingers grazed the earth as she went. She used her dagger to teleport her somewhere. Anywhere to keep distance. Throwing the dagger blindly worked in her favour. She ended up next to Tableau, who looked frightened and determined at the same time. She crawled up against them and pressed her body against small hill. They were practically lying down, but it was good enough.

She reached down to reset the radio to her unit’s channel. “Alright, team. We’re looking bad here. I might be able to get a few of you out of here, but not everyone.”

      _“And leave you here?”_ someone snapped. _“No way.”_

      _“We’re in this together,”_ someone said.

      _“Injured or no, I’m not letting you have this fight,”_ Kyng groaned.

     Herz spoke, and his voice was heavy, _“We stay and fight for Cascade, Captain. Besides, we can’t let this person wander freely, can we?”_

Kasimira didn’t immediately respond. She strained her hearing to keep note of where the aforementioned figure was. She could hear the heavy, slow footsteps. They were wandering, waiting. They had no plans to leave either. She closed her eyes and hit her head against the grass. Okay, so no one was leaving, but she  _ had _ to get someone out. Someone had to tell King about what they saw here.

She removed the warp orb from her belt and passed it over to Tableau. She expanded it against their chest, and they looked at her with wide eyes.

     “As one of my broadcasters,” she said, “you know more than anyone else.” Granted a lot of what they heard was in code, but it was better that they ended up learning the truth. She concentrated, and the warp spell began to glow. “Tell King Regis what you saw here.”

     “I can’t leave‚” Tableau whispered in their cracking, ruined voice.

     She smiled faintly and pulled her hand away just as she felt the magic taking effect. “I’m not giving you a choice.”

     “Cap—” But they were gone before they could finish.

That more than likely gave away her position, and if it didn’t, her getting up to her feet certainly did. The dark knight figure stopped and turned slowly towards her. She felt the challenging presence roll off of them. It was a curious thing. 

     “Done with hiding?” they asked smoothly. They dragged the tip of their blade through the earth.

     Kasimira smirked and climbed to the top of the pitiful mound. “Can’t blame a girl for taking a little breather, can you?” She conjured her daggers.

Their weight kept her grounded, kept her focused on her mission. As she stood there, her fellow soldiers rose up. There weren’t many of them now. Their numbers had been cut in half. Four deaths and one whisked safely away back to the Citadel. Kasimira steeled her resolve. The dark knight figure looked around, seemingly unbothered by the amount of people flanking them.

     “Kingsglaive!” she shouted. She received a chorus of shouts in response. She raised her daggers up, one pointed forward and the other drawn back. “Know no surrender!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being super long as a single chapter, so I decided to divide it up. Oh, aren't I terrible? Sorry for the quality of this one; I wrote the last half of this story while sick — which I am right now. Hopefully, it's a twenty-four hour bug. See you all in the next one. Thank you for your love and patience as always!


	21. Our Last Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do want to warn that there is character death in this chapter. It's not greatly detailed, but please be warned. The story tags have been updated accordingly.

This battle feels far more comfortable, but ultimately, for Kasimira’s team, it’s a war of attrition. They’re hurt in ways she can’t begin to think about. They’re tired, and one of them is a little sloppy. But with numbers, they’re able to hold their own as much as they’re able. Kasimira, without thinking or knowing that she would, called out abbreviated orders for the spell orbs to be tossed or self-used.

The barrier spell over Herz’s body broken as the sword smashed against him. Thankfully, it kept him from being sliced in half. She couldn’t bare to see that again. Another body fell soon after, however, and she wasn’t (and was) prepared for the lost. Kyng let out a battle cry as she tore into the dark knight’s defenses. She was a destructive ball of anger. Her spell orbs had been completely used, and she wasn’t using her warp ability as much as the others. The sword came down on her again, and this time, someone pulled her out of the way. Unfortunately for them they had an arm lopped off and then were stabbed in the chest.

Kasimira watched the body fall, and something in her mind broke. She wasn’t sure where she went in the deep recess of herself.

     “Fight til your blood runs a river!” the dark knight figure yelled loudly, and the remaining Glaive — Kyng, Herz, and herself by the Six… — shouted in reply.

The shout brought Kasimira back, but it was the distant growl of an engine that truly awake her. Everyone stopped now and watched the jeep approaching. Someone threw a weapon, and Kasimira watched them disappear. How long had they been fighting for? This battle and in general. She couldn’t help but wonder because it wasn’t as if the crew she left back in Duscae would have been able to get to them quickly. Who called reinforcements? _When_? She had a dozen and more questions, but there wasn’t time to ruminate.

The dark knight figure growled and released a column of energy. It tasted as bad as the magic that summoned the daemon. It dissipated as quickly as it came. The dark knight lifted their sword over her head and swiped their hand against the blade. It glowed and pulsated with dark magic. It wasn’t as strong as before from what Kasimira could sense. There was hope — this was their final trick up their sleeve. Or so she could hope.

     “Know no surrender!” she cried out.

Unlike before where the dark knight seemed to be saving her for last, the person was now personally gunning towards her. Kyng and Herz flanked the assailant or warped Kasimira away. Anything to distract until the reinforcements were closer. Unfortunately, when the team finally stood eight strong, that only made the dark knight’s mission even more serious.

Kasimira couldn’t just let her team be rent asunder or cruelly discarded. She threw herself directly into the fray. _‘If you want me, you got me!’_ she thought bitterly. Sweat rolled down her brow as the battle watch. One body fell, and then another. Kasimira felt the blade graze her head. It sliced her hair, which fell in thick strands in front of her. She managed to warp out of the way the next time. The blade shaved against the side of her head, and she worried that it would take her ear.

She frantically patted the side of her head. Aside from the tender flesh of her lightly skinned temple, she was fine. Her ear was still there. She threw out a quick “Thank the Six” before rushing back in. Another body, one more. Kasimira, Dame, Kyng, and Herz stood proudly. But Kyng was on her last leg. Her eyes rolled back, and she collapsed before she could so much as speak. Exhaustion finally hit her, and the pain from her wounds more than likely exacerbated that. Kasimira cried out before rushing in again.

This time, someone whistled through the air and stabbed into the ground in front of her. A dragoon in all black with navy accents that bled into red stood tall between Kasimira’s remaining team and the dark knight figure. The dragoon looked over their shoulder before facing ahead again. They pointed their spiral spear at the dark knight, who only laughed wickedly. An ally? Here? But where did they come from?

Kasimira let her thoughts race, but her body ultimately took action. She, her still standing duo, and the dragoon all attacked this figure. With the dragoon’s aid, things were so much easier. Who were they? And why weren’t they here before? Kasimira heard herself growl in frustration. Her hands twisted with the sword dance of her imbalanced daggers. At the end of her attack, she stamped a foot forward, raised one dagger over her head, and held the other straight out in front of her. The other three charged. The dark knight was backing up. Kasimira drew in a centering breath and kicked off the ground in a burst of supernatural speed. She jumped into the air, stabbed her daggers into the dark knight’s shoulders (through the impressive platemail which made a hideous noise in protest), and swung in, kicking with both feet against their chest. The dragoon figure staggered backwards and breathed heavily. Kasimira watched with narrowed eyes.

Unfortunately, they lost their edge. The dragoon screamed and brought a hand up to their mask. They staggered, and their body twitched as magic crackled over their armour. Kasimira’s eyes widened. Another infected?

When Kasimira looked away, it was enough time for the figure to rush her. They grabbed her by the throat and threw her straight into the ground. Kasimira heaved out a breath, and a metal boot stepped on her chest. She wheezed, unable to breathe. Dame rushed in. The dark knight was quick. They swiped at her, and she stretched her hands forward. Her body took a shaking step backwards. Unfortunately, the jerky movement was enough to loosen her head from her shoulders. Her head rolled forward, and she held it in her upraised arms for a second before she fell to the ground.

Herz was next. His uninjured eye was a perfect target. The sword went through his head, and his weapon fell out of his hand. He was killed immediately. Kasimira used what little breathe she had left to scream. Her screams went unaddressed. The dark knight turned slightly. They stabbed her in the stomach, and Kasimira choked. It wasn’t enough to kill her, but she would suffer. Oh, how she would suffer. The dragoon was stricken but didn’t go down. The sword went into their side — sank _in_ even — but it stayed there. The dragoon grabbed the dark knight with both hands and channeled energy through the metal. The dark knight let out a groan of agony. Kasimira took pleasure in it.

The dragoon raised their hand and, with the next charge of magic, repelled the dark knight. It was the first time Kasimira had ever seen the person stunned and knocked to the floor. It wasn’t easy by any means, but having this finally happen was bittersweet. The dragoon turned and grabbed onto Kasimira.

     “You’re getting help,” the dragoon whispered.

Pain ran through Kasimira’s entire body, and the magic that touched her made her whimper in pain. Her team was gone, _gone_. She felt her eyes well up with tears as she was pulled up onto her feet.

     “You’re going home, Kasi,” she heard through the fog of pain and sorrow.

She looked at the dragoon’s smooth helmet. It was polished onyx, and Kasimira could only see her own face. Regardless, she knew that voice anywhere. She wanted to say Fera’s name; she wanted to hear it on her tongue out loud one last time. The magic surged through her again, and both she and Fera groaned. Fera staggered and clutched her staff to keep them both standing.

     “Fera…” she started weakly, but it was too much. The world was getting dark around the edges.

     “I’m sorry.” Fera tossed her javelin up and gripped it in a way that was more comfortable for her. “There’s only room for one of us there.”

Kasimira wanted to protest. She thought she heard herself do it, but the sudden surge of movement was enough to loosen her grip on reality. She felt herself go limp, but she managed to keep an arm around her mother-in-law’s shoulders.

Thank the Six for some kind of mercy.

  
Kasimira wasn’t sure when she arrived at the Citadel, but she heard the steady beeping of medical equipment. That… that was good, right? It meant she was still alive. She took in a breath, and pain surged through her everywhere. She could have screamed, but she was ultimately too weak to do so. Someone startled and then hurriedly left the room. Soon, Kasimira was surrounded by—

Not medical staff.

Cid and Weskham entered the room first. They stood on either side of her bed with different degrees of worry on their faces. Kasimira licked her lips and said “ah” softly to test her voice. Not completely there, but it was something.

     “Didn’t bring the little one?” she asked Cid. Her voice croaked. Damn, it sounded bad.

     “Lil’?” Cid scoffed halfheartedly. “Bout as old as your Gladio, I reckon.”

     “S’right,” Kasimira teased. She knew. She just wanted to see if any of this was real, but hell. Her dreams were plenty convincing. Maybe this was the last thing she imagined before finally passing on into the afterlife.

     Weskham reached out and placed a hand on the protective side guard. He smiled at Kasimira weakly. “Still got that wit, I see.”

     Kasimira huffed a laugh. _It and I are not going anywhere_ , she wanted to say, but her voice. She started, and it felt like dust.

     Weskham moved his hand closer. His fingers ghostover of her shoulder, and there were tinges of pain. “It’s okay. Just rest.”

The two managed to keep her company before Amaryllis appeared in the doorway. He had Ilse on his arm, and she was moving slowly, hesitantly. She perked up as soon as she saw Kasimira, but she waited for Amaryllis to draw her closer into the room. Ilse gripped Amaryllis’ arm in disbelief. Her hand floated up to her mouth, and then finally after moments of near tears, she reached out to touch her daughter. Immediately, Ilse started crying.

     « Thank goodness, » she wept. « O! On stars and god, thank goodness. »

Weskham was kind enough to bring her a chair, and Ilse sat as close to Kasimira’s bed as she possibly could. She reached out to touch Kasimira somehow, and Kasimira tried to ignore the pain that blossomed in response. But, she winced, and Ilse was instantly wise to her silent response.

     “I’m sorry, angel. Oh, my sweet Kasimira. Foolhardy... and brave!”

     Kasimira felt herself smile. She mustered all the strength she had and closed her eyes as she said, “That’s me.”

Everyone spoke, dancing around the obvious topic, and talked about how their lives had been in the past few months. Cid told a story about a car someone tried to mod themselves, and it had everyone laughing. Even Amaryllis, though he merely smiled and hunched up his shoulders slightly. When Clarus and Regis came in, the room fell quiet.

Regis whispered another gracious prayer of things just as Ilse had, but Clarus stood like a shocked statue. In an uncharacteristic-as-of-late display of emotion, he reached out for Regis and the doorframe. He was overcome. Kasimira’s heart stirred at the sight of him. The tears she forgot about made themselves known again. When she blinked, they fell down her cheeks.

     “...’ey, C-Claire,” she stammered. Her voice was determined to break, but she was even more stubborn. She wanted to acknowledge him in any way she could.

But it didn’t matter. Clarus rushed to her side. He placed a hand on the glass behind Kasimira’s bed, and the other went to her protective rail. He stared at her, disbelieving and shocked. She tilted her head back as much as she could — which was only a mere fraction — but he understood it for what it was. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips, and Kasimira ignored the pain. She took him in, and he pressed against her, firm for a split second before he drew away.

     “I thought I lost you.”

     “St’ll… ‘ere,” she whispered.

     He moved his hand over to stroke her cheek. “Don’t talk. I’ll send for the children.”

     “No need,” Regis said. “I’ll take care of it.”

He looked to Kasimira, and he smiled with such fondness. She wanted to hug him. She wanted to hug all of the, but she was barely keeping herself together.

     “You are truly brave,” he said gently in a reassuring voice. “Tableau informed us of the situation.”

 _‘Thank the stars,’_ Kasimira thought. She let her eyes flutter closed.

     “Should we leave you?” Clarus asked.

Kasimira felt the need to shake her head, but she couldn’t. Instead, she raised a finger and wagged it. It was enough, she hoped, to get the point across. It did, successfully. She heard talking again, and she laid there with her eyes closed and listened. Under the chatter was the steady beating of her heart. She listened to it the most. It was a constant reminder that she had done the impossible.

She fucking made it.

  
When Kasimira opened her eyes again, she felt much better than before. Which, honestly, wasn’t saying much. Her eyelids didn’t hurt; her chest didn’t feel heavy. She did, however, feel something warm on her right arm. She moved her head ever so slightly in that direction. It didn’t kill her to do, but damn, was it hard. Gladiolus had lowered the right protective rail. His head was on the bed, and the other hand was on her arm.

Kasimira attempted to raise a hand. Nope. A finger? Maybe. Yes. She remembered doing that before. She lifted her right index finger and just barely felt the smooth skin of his forehead. She could feel part of his hairline against his temple. He got a haircut— it looked nice on him.

Gladiolus stirred, and he lifted his head. He blinked through his grogginess. Kasimira smiled at him.

     “Hey, Gladdy,” she greeted lovingly. Oh, thank the Six, she could speak again.

     Gladio sat up straighter with a sharp intake of breath. “Ma! You’re awake again.”

     “Stubborn as hell, I guess,” she joked. She could talk, but it took the energy out of her. She couldn’t talk and keep her eyes open at the same time. It was a new level of tired she had never been privy to before now. “And again?”

     “Fell asleep a couple of days ago and didn’t wake up,” Gladio replied gravely. “Just when I got in too. I was…” He struggled with the admission, but he finally said, “I was scared.”

     “I know you were.”

She twitched her hand as if wanting to flip it. Gladio must have felt it. He slipped his hand into hers and just his warm envelope her fingers. He tilted his hand back and rested it against her thigh, so her hand didn’t have to support the weight. She was grateful for him, now more than ever. She noticed something else about him. She spotted two gems in his earlobes and smiled as brightly as she could.

     “Got your ears pierced?” she asked softly.

     Gladio smiled back at her. “I heard imitation is flattery.”

     “My boy,” she replied lovingly. He stroked his thumb against her hand.

Later, the sound of laughing voices drifted closer towards them. Cindy and Iris walked into the room side by side. Iris had yoghurt, and Cindy was carrying a can of Ebony. They looked forward as they passed the threshold and stopped. Iris needed a moment to collect herself before rushing closer. Ah, just like her dad.

     « Mama! » she said. « You’re awake! »

     « Gladdy said the same thing. You two working off a script? »

Kasimira’s eyes fluttered open, and she relished the fake-pouting look her daughter gave her in response. She missed her babies, so much and more than anything. Kasimira focused her attention on Cindy, who stood out of the way of all this. She offered a kind smile to the blonde.

     “Hey, Lil’ Cid.”

Cindy huffed a laugh and sauntered forward. She had high waisted jeans on that covered her belly button and a black cropped bomber jacket. The dark pink shirt underneath must have been cropped as well. Kasimira couldn’t make it out at all. Her gloves were tucked into a pocket of her jacket. Cindy reached up to adjust the hat on her head.

     “Howdy, Mrs. Kas,” Cindy greeted. “How ya feelin’?”

     “Tired, kiddo.. Thanks for coming.”

     “Wouldn’t miss seeing you for the world!” She stepped closer to Iris’ side and touched a hand to the protecting guard still up. “We’re glad to see you again.”

     “And you. All of you.”

Kasimira was touched that so many people came. It was just a shame that she was still a far cry away from her former self. She would have teased everyone for being soft or gone on personal tirades about how much she meant to all of them. Her family and extended family — all here just for her.

It was then with a pang that she remembered Fera. She heard the older Amicitia’s voice, and it was impossible to mistake it for anything or anyone else. But was she a subject to NIflheim’s experiments? Where had she come from? From what she knew about Niflheim’s military base, whatever Fera wore wasn’t standard issue. Had she found some way to support herself? An ally to help her on her quest to… To… Kasimira didn’t know. There was so much she didn’t know but wanted to.

Thinking was going to drive her up the wall, but right now, it was making her tired. She made a noise and leaned her head back again. Gladio shifted to grab something behind him.

     “Here, Ma. You need to drink.”

     She looked to him and smiled. “Thanks, baby.” She accepted the drink, but he had to help her most of the way. The position she was in made her feel ill at ease. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was the helplessness. Either way, she heard herself saying, “All comes full circle, right?”

     “I can handle the food and water,” Gladio said. “Anything else, and I’ll make Iris do it.”

     Iris made a scandalised noise before looking to Kasimira, “But only for you, Mama.”

Kasimira laughed. It hurt to laugh suddenly, but the laughter changed into sadness. She was overcome with a sudden swell of emotion, and Gladio reached up to smooth her hair back. Ke kissed her forehead and whispered small things to keep her grounded. When he pulled away, Iris added a kiss to Kasimira’s ear, avoiding the skinned temple that still hadn’t recovered.

     “I’m sorry, Ms. Kas,” Cindy said reassuringly. She took Kasimira’s hand and gave it the smallest squeeze. It was still needed and appreciated.

  
Kasimira’s days went like that. Sleeping and waking, sleeping and waking and occasionally _crying_. She cried more now than she ever had in her life. When she had enough strength to lift her own hands, she brought them up over her face to smother her sounds of distress. After a week of in-bed recovery, Kasimira was introduced to a therapist.

Everything inside of her seized and ran cold. She listened as the therapist introduced them as Doctor— Heavens, she couldn’t remember. Kasimira was numb at first and for the following days after. So much as hinting towards the mission’s events made her mind cloud over, and she lost her voice. After nearly a week of this and two weeks of in-bed recovery, the good doctor revealed that she had severe post-traumatic stress disorder.

     “I do hope you’ll forgive me,” Doctor Couldn’t-Remember said. “I spoke with a few closest to you,  namely your mother. She said that you’ve been suffered a great loss in the past during your business that you… have not sought attention for. I believe that that loss compounded with what happened today has made your current disorder even worse. Once again, forgive me if I’m being disrespectful.”

     “No,” Kasimira heard herself say. She had frozen in place yet again and had focused solely on a single spot on the wall. Hearing her own quickness, she blinked twice and stared at her therapist for the first time. It was all she had said all day, but the force of it roused her. “Y-you’re… You’re fine. I’m fine,” she tacked on.

     “Mrs. Amicitia, I’m disinclined to agree. However, I’m willing to move at your pace and am willing to wait for you should you need me.”

     “Thanks,” she replied, and she was silent once again.

It was almost a month before Kasimira was allowed to leave her hospital room. She was allowed to sleep in her and Clarus’ old room — though it was still in perfect condition. Clarus must’ve still been using it. The medical staff more or less moved with her, helping her with physical therapy and medicine application. Of course, there was still her mental therapist who she still hadn’t entirely warmed up to.

However, one day, as it was cresting into the evening, she found herself talking. She didn’t talk about the battle just yet. She wasn’t there, but she talked about her father. She loved him so much, and he and Ilse were inspirations to her. Dafydd helped her see that there was joy in being married, that there was always good to be done, and highlighted her strengths and weaknesses long before she was truly aware of them. She mentioned how she wanted to name Iris after him, but never once did she mention her diary.

She talked in vagueries but at length about her marriage to Clarus. She listed off the family with great relish. Her voice only broke a little when she mentioned Fera. She managed to keep herself from freezing up though. That was a success in her book. The next time Doctor Oh-Whowasit came around again, Kasimira felt as if she was able to talk about the mission personally. With the good doctor, she spot in a personal way. She used their codenames still, but every once in a while, she slipped and said a true name. Doctor Great-at-Listening asked “Who’s that” before Kasimira used a codename instead. The Doctor pressed “Ah” and nodded, allowing her to continue. They never wrote any notes for those conversations down.

Kasimira spent time with her children. Gladio read with her or talked about his training. He grimaced when he talked about Noctis, and she scolded him for it. Iris showed her some of her new books and brain exercises she made for herself. Kasimira borrowed one of them to keep herself occupied. It was nice to have Clarus’ warmth against her at night. He kissed her gently sometimes, or they whispered to each other in the dark. He didn’t talk about the Citadel, though that left him with little else to discuss. She avoided her mission and talked about some of the Duscae signs she wanted to steal.

Noctis was shy about visiting her. He never knew what to do or say. Once, Gladio was there, and the young prince seemed even more nervous. Kasimira booted her son from the room. Noctis warming up to her wasn’t immediate, but when he did, he talked with her about some animals he liked and a treat he had when he and his father went out. Kasimira was happy to engage him. She told him about some tasty foods she had, and it wasn’t long before he was sitting on the bed next to her. He didn’t talk much, but he kept a good conversation.

     “Thanks for honouring me with your presence, Your HIghness,” she said, reaching up to poke him in the side.

     Noctis laughed and squirmed away from her. He put a fraction of distance between them. “You’re welcome,” he said, trying to sound royal and succeeded overly so.

Kasimira felt more and more like herself as time went on. Tableau came and visited her throughout her recovery stage. Sometimes, they just sat in a corner when she had other guests. They read or wrote, but after who knows how long of this, they approached her and hugged her tightly. By now, Kasimira could take it, but the sudden thrust of emotion was unheard of from them.

She rubbed their back, and eventually, they parted. They headed out when her therapist came in. She watched them go mournfully. She wished she had something to say to them. When she received news of their attempted suicide, her heart broke in ways she couldn’t describe. She made sure to visit.

     “It’s difficult to survive,” she whispered, “but I believe in you to do it. I’m here for you, you know. I’m here.”

She saw the fat tears roll down their cheeks, and Tableau cried. It was ugly and shrill, broken from their already barely working voice. But she knew the guilt. She hated being the survivor, but she overcame the hurdles. Now, she had a family as her testament. She leaned down to kiss Tableau’s forehead.

 _‘You’ll find your strength too,’_ she thought. _‘I’m absolutely certain you will.’_

Kasimira was awful at keeping track f days during her recovery. She could hardly understand the passage of hours, even with the sun and moon rising and falling before her. Dates were blurs, meaningless words. Her therapist tried to remind her, but it always slipped out of her ear. When she finally gave reports on what she found, she was robotic and stilted. Even though she was working through it, she just wasn’t the same as she was before she left. She just wanted whoever it was to take their notes and leave. They could cross run certain aspects with Aurora, but soon, Kasimira would have no more for them. Good. She was already sick of it.

     Clarus kissed her before drawing back up to his full height. He slid on his overcoat and adjusted his gloves. “I’ll be back before sunrise.”

     “You’ve done it before,” she said with a crooked smile.

     « I love you, » he said back to her.

     She playfully swiped at him. He was just a bit out of her reach. It was late, and she was getting tired all over again. « Love you too. »

He smiled at her before turning to Ilse, who rose to her feet. She walked over with the little silver cart now stacked with empty dishes.

     “I’ll return this to the kitchen. Do you need anything else?”

     Kasimira hummed in the negative. She made herself comfortable on the bed. As soon as she found the ideal position, she was already getting tired. “I’m good.”

     “Good.” Ilse walked over and pressed a kiss on her forehead. « Good night. »

     « NIght. » Kasimira smiled tiredly. “See you in the morning.”

     “Love you.”

     “Love _you_ ,” Kasimira replied, but her eyelids were getting heavy. She heard the switches flip down. The door opened and closed, and she was out much like the room lights.

Dreaming wasn’t pleasant or unpleasant. It was mostly empty and calm instead of her mind. It was good. She felt at ease, which was so hard to obtain in her life. Kasimira nuzzled her face closer to the pillow under her head and sighed. She wasn’t sure how long she slept for. It felt like moments, hours, a stretched out eternity, but she was rudely awakening by something pressing down on her face. She scrambled, but soon, there was on her chest, knees on her arms. She couldn’t fight it. Through the pillow, she felt heavy palms against her face. She tried to scream.

     “Too quick and clever, aren’t you? Getting to you was no easy feat.”

She was barely registering anything. She flexed her arms and felt the body rise above her. The man — absolutely a man — chuckled and pressed his weight down to restrict her again.

     “And _strong_ , I saw that in our battle.”

Her mind raced. The knight, but it could only be him. The cadence, the ease, even the soft laugh he let out. It was all too familiar. What happened to the guards outside her door?

     “Thank you for showing me the Crown’s strength. Seems we’ll soon have something to fear.” He chuckled again. “If I don’t take care of it carefully.”

Kasimira wanted nothing more than to call out for her mother, to warn Regis and Clarus that they would have a traitor in her midst. But she died with her thoughts, thinking _‘Traitor…_

_Traitor...’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I hated doing this to you — and to me — but we all knew this day would come. Long live Kasimira Amicitia. You're still alive in our hearts.


	22. Your Turn...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "...Our Legacy."

Clarus couldn’t blame Ilse for breaking down when he came to her. He probably would have done much of the same had he not been in so much shock. The children were the same. When they were delivered the news, they stared at Clarus with glass fish eyes, but Gladiolus was the first one to break. Tears ran down his cheeks. “We just got her back,” he stated before doubling forward and placing his head in his hands. Clarus went to his son to comfort him, but soon, the three of them were hugging.

Ilse didn’t want to leave his side for as much as she could allow it, and he let her. Amaryllis looked torn, but the King was outright upset that someone could have snuck in to… do what they did. Regis choked back his anger and turned his head away. It was the most emotional Clarus had seen him in such a long time. He placed a hand on his longtime friend’s shoulder to comfort him. Regis rubbed at his eyes, but when Clarus saw the telltale shine of tears on his skin, he pretended not to notice.

The funeral was a private affair, but it was still packed with people. Kasimira’s reach had spread farther than many people in the Citadel were aware of. There was a moment of silence throughout all of Insomnia for a fallen Lady, for a proud member of the Crownsguard and Kingsglaive. It was a custom of honour, but Clarus felt healed, even a little bit, as the rest of the country felt the loss with him.

Ilse was beside herself with grief, and Clarus only lost himself when he was alone. He couldn’t go to sleep in their own room. He had the mattress removed and even sold the bed set. Even doing that didn’t feel like enough. A part of him wanted to switch rooms, but he wouldn’t run away from her memory. When he laid his head down at night, he tried to remember her whispers, her touch, her tired but loving smiles. It was always enough to chase the bad feelings away until he slept, but it wasn’t enough of a shield come morning.

Kasimira’s therapist focused on him at this point, and he wasn’t sure how much he had to say. They helped him through his grief, and gods, he had so much of it. He was careful not to breakdown, but he crumbled faster than he would have expected. 

 

When he had time, he visited the house again. Their beautiful home that she spent so much time picking out. How could he have said no to her? Gladiolus always had her take charge attitude, even before birth because of that, the two conspired to get this house. Well, it all paid off in the end. Unfortunately, Clarus hadn’t been here in months, and the first time he goes, it’s after her passing.

Of course. The Six are cruel in that way.

He took Ilse along with him. She reached over to squeeze his hand when he drove. When he squeezed back, she pulled her hand away and stared regally out the window. Once they were in the house, she relaxed significantly. The regal nature gave way to wistfulness. Clarus let her find her own peace. He wandered slowly through each room, taking it in, but he was surprised to come across his children in one of the rooms. He was reading a book at the desk, and Iris was on the floor, inspecting hair bands and clips she pulled out of a box. 

      "What is that?” Clarus asked softly.

      Gladiolus didn’t look up. “Mom’s diary.” He frowned.

Clarus nodded and backed away, leaving them to it. He walked to their bedroom, and a whole host of memories flooded over him. He walked numbly over to the bed and sat on her side. He stroked over the sheets, and his body felt heavy under a sudden weight. 

He wanted to say something, but Heavens knew what. He paused his hand before stroking his thumb over the spot. Even then, he stopped relatively quickly.

      “Thank you, Kasimira,” he said eventually. “Thank you for being in my life.”

He heard an acoustic guitar playing. Clarus listened for a while. The song started slowly, but as it built, it was sad and full of passion. Gladiolus truly had a gift. Kasimira always encouraged him to pursue it, and look where he was now. Clarus smiled sadly to one side and stood again. He left the door open as he left. He couldn’t stop himself from looking over his shoulder before going to rejoin his children. He paused in the hallway when he saw Ilse coming up the stairs. He held out his hand to her. When she took it, he drew her close and hooked their arms together. She patted her free hand against his arm, but she didn’t stop him. She didn’t blush or titter. She just merely accepted it and his company. 

The walked into the room with Gladiolus and Iris in it. Iris had turned to face her brother, and she pulled her hair up into a ponytail using one of Kasimira’s hair ties. Clarus walked over and ran a hand over her head. She looked up and smiled at him. Gladiolus opened his eyes slowly and looked at his father. They shared a moment, silent but there, for pitiable sadness. 

A mother, a wife lost to cruelty beyond measure or current understanding. Clarus let his son play. It helped wash the sorrow away, but somewhere, remnants would always be there tucked under Kasimira’s memories. The sadness would remain stamped inside of him, but he wouldn’t let it stop him. Clarus stared down at the journal Gladiolus left bookmarked on the desk.

      “She always had something to give,” Ilse said softly. It drew Clarus’ attention to her. “She always did the right thing, even when it hurt.”

      “And then she gave more,” he added. He got Ilse a chair to sit, but he remained standing.

      Ilse smiled softly. “We’d do well to remember that selflessness. Kasi had a lot of traits I’m hard pressed to find in this world.” She folded her hands. Her smile wavered slightly. “Hard to find and lesser without…”

      Clarus bent down to kiss the top of her head. “But as you said, we’d do well to remember it. Let’s never forget.”

Ilse huffed a torn laugh, but she nodded. Clarus stood at his proper height. With Gladiolus’ music, he let his thoughts wander for a while.  _ ‘She gave until it hurt and then gave a little more,’ _ he thought. He admired her for being that way, but it was but a piece of who she was. All around him were reminders of her many facets in their son, their daughter, and his mother-in-law. Kasimira was never gone. No, never truly. In fact, she left a mark that would be truly hard to erase.

And Clarus would do his all to honour it and her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is also before Gladio gets his scar (if I've timed this all correctly). So, you can always think of that as his version of doing right, just like how his Ma would've wanted.
> 
> Thank you for taking this amazing journey with me. Read info about the story here on my [in the 'official' tag](https://www.pillowfort.io/search/fic:%20aliltu) or on [my pillowfort homepage](https://www.pillowfort.io/Megane/original). 
> 
> Thank you again. This was... fantastic. Keep those you cherish close to your heart.
> 
> As always, I'll catch you next time.


End file.
